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Sunday, February 25, 2018

Characteristics For Covert Narcissists and Differences Btw Covert and Overt Narcissists


Watch out for the following behaviours for people you often interact with:
Characteristics For Covert Narcissists Narcissists (covert behaviors are in italics)
Sources:

1.     Self-righteous / Self-Absorbed / Self-Centred / Never Wrong / Never Their Fault
  • Often blames others and seldom take responsibility for own mistake(s)
  • Always someone’s else fault

2.     Sense of Entitlement
3.     Interpersonally Exploitative / Manipulative / Controlling
  • Engage in hidden passive-aggressive, invalidation and projection behaviors for covert narcissists
  • Emotionally abusive, harassing, threatening, seen to have a invisible toxic / negative personality (e.g. gossip and smear campaigns)
  • Acts like a bully / tyrant

4.     Envious / Jealous
5.     Poor level of empathy / Not able to see other’s viewpoints
6.     Highly reactive to criticism / Highly Sensitive
  • Often criticise others, but unable to take criticism(s), even constructive criticisms
  • React to contrary viewpoints with anger or rage

7.     Low self-esteem
  • Project rather than reflect

8.     Project Qualities, Traits & Behaviors Into Others
  • Rather than reflect on what has actually happened in reality

9.     Exaggerate Their Achievements and Talents
10.  Like to Be in The Centre Of Attention
  • Control conversation

11.  Hold Grudges 
12.  Lie / Gossip / Smear Others / False Accusation / Denial / Pathological Lying
13.  Behaves Differently With Different People (covert behaviors)
14.  Have Difficulties In Relating With Others



Distinct Characteristics Of Covert & Overt Narcissists:
Covert Narcissist
Overt Narcissist
1. Differences: Self-righteous (not obvious), shy, dangerous as behaviors are not obvious
1) Differences: Loud, rude, arrogant, demand attention, expression of grandiosity and exhibitionism, very obvious
2. Engage in hidden passive-aggressive, invalidation, projection and emotionally abusive and invisibly toxic (gossip / smear campaigns) behaviors
2) Aggressive, over-confident, ruthless, need to be admired by others, can do no wrong, also engage in visibly abusive & toxic behaviors
3. Anxious, pessimistic, unsure and un-motivated, professional victim
3) Generally more successful & capable than the covert narcissist?
4. Highly sensitive to criticisms
4) Does not bother what anyone says about him / her (only on the surface?)
5. Likely to be an introvert
5) Likely to be an extrovert
6. Behave differently with different people (covert behaviors)
6) Behaviors are more overt
7. Can convert to a overt narcissist when losing their narcissistic supply
7) Occasionally engage in covert behaviors
8. Similarities: Deep feeling of unworthiness
8) Similarities: Deep feeling of unworthiness
9. Envious, jealous, bear grudges
9) Envious, jealous, bear grudges
10. Highly exploitative, sense of entitlement
10) Highly exploitative, sense of entitlement
11. Self-indulgent and disregards for others
11) Self-indulgent and disregards for others
12. Rage when challenged, highly reactive to criticism
12) Rage when challenged, highly reactive to criticism
13. Screaming child inside
13) Screaming child inside
14. Need to dominate others, ambiguous behaviors
14) Need to dominate others, ambiguous behaviours
15. Controlling, little remorse and lack of empathy
15) Controlling, little remorse and lack of empathy
16. Like to be at the centre of attention, like to be admired, bottomless appetite for attention
16) Like to be at the centre of attention, like to be admired, bottomless appetite for attention
17. Belittling others, taking rather than giving
17) Belittling others, taking rather than giving
18. Calculated behaviors with agenda, mean
18) Calculated behaviours with agenda, mean
19. Indifferent to needs of others, toxic
19) Indifferent to needs of others, toxic
20. Low self-esteem
20) Low self-esteem, although self-confidence is being portrayed
21. Exaggerate their achievements & talents
21) Exaggerate their achievements & talents
22. Like to be centre of attention (e.g. control conversation)
22) Like to be centre of attention (e.g. control conversation)
23. Hold grudges
23) Hold grudges
24. Lie / False Accusation / Denial / Pathological Lying
24) Lie / False Accusation / Denial / Pathological Lying
25. Have difficulties Relating to Others
25) Have difficulties Relating to Others

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

The Four Emotions That Can Lead to Life Change
by Jim Rohn (Jul 2017)

Emotions are the most powerful forces inside us. Under the power of emotions, human beings can perform the most heroic (as well as barbaric) acts. To a great degree, civilization itself can be defined as the intelligent channeling of human emotion. Emotions are fuel and the mind is the pilot, which together propel the ship of civilized progress. Which emotions cause people to act? There are four basic ones; each, or a combination of several, can trigger the most incredible activity. The day that you allow these emotions to fuel your desire is the day you'll turn your life around.

1) DISGUST
One does not usually equate the word "disgust" with positive action. And yet properly channeled, disgust can change a person's life. The person who feels disgusted has reached a point of no return. He or she is ready to throw down the gauntlet at life and say, "I've had it!" That's what I said after many humiliating experiences at age 25, I said. "I don't want to live like this anymore. I've had it with being broke. I've had it with being embarrassed, and I've had it with lying." Yes, productive feelings of disgust come when a person says, "Enough is enough." There is nothing so life-changing as gut-wrenching disgust! 

2) DECISION
Most of us need to be pushed to the wall to make decisions. And once we reach this point, we have to deal with the conflicting emotions that come with making them. We have reached a fork in the road. Now this fork can be a two-prong, three-prong, or even a four-prong fork. No wonder that decision-making can create knots in stomachs, keep us awake in the middle of the night, or make us break out in a cold sweat. Making life-changing decisions can be likened to internal civil war. Conflicting armies of emotions, each with its own arsenal of reasons, battle each other for supremacy of our minds. And our resulting decisions, whether bold or timid, well thought out or impulsive, can either set the course of action or blind it. I don't have much advice to give you about decision-making except this: Whatever you do, don't camp at the fork in the road. Decide. It's far better to make a wrong decision than to not make one at all. Each of us must confront our emotional turmoil and sort out our feelings.

3) DESIRE
How does one gain desire? I don't think I can answer this directly because there are many ways. But I do know two things about desire:
a. It comes from the inside not the outside.
b. It can be triggered by outside forces.
Therefore, while searching for your "hot button" of pure, raw desire, welcome into your life each positive experience. Don't erect a wall to protect you from experiencing life. The same wall that keeps out your disappointment also keeps out the sunlight of enriching experiences. So let life touch you. The next touch could be the one that turns your life around.

4) RESOLVE
Resolve says, "I will." These two words are among the most potent in the English language. I WILL. Benjamin Disraeli, the great British statesman, once said, "Nothing can resist a human will that will stake even its existence on the extent of its purpose." In other words, when someone resolves to "do or die," nothing can stop him. When confronted with such iron-will determination, I can see Time, Fate and Circumstance calling a hasty conference and deciding, "We might as well let him have his dream. He's said he's going to get there or die trying."

The best definition for "resolve" I've ever heard came from a schoolgirl in Foster City, California. As is my custom, I was lecturing about success to a group of bright kids at a junior high school. I asked, "Who can tell me what "resolve" means?" Several hands went up, and I did get some pretty good definitions. But the last was the best. A shy girl from the back of the room got up and said with quiet intensity, "I think resolve means promising yourself you will never give up." That's it! That's the best definition I've ever heard: PROMISE YOURSELF YOU'LL NEVER GIVE UP.

Thursday, January 26, 2017

Characteristics of Someone Who Will Make A Good Spouse: (Jan 2017)
1.          Good listening skills, able to understand and respect the viewpoints of others, considerate and non-judgmental
2.          Positive focus, optimistic, "I can" attitude, grateful (or thankful) and trust others to do what is right
3.          Flexible, open-minded, able to prioritise activities and good time management skills
4.          Take responsibility for own actions, has good problem-solving skills and avoid blaming others or situations for what is / are happening
5.          Awareness & acceptance of own strengths and weaknesses, and has good self-esteem
6.          Appreciative, affirms and encourage others
7.          Patient, tolerant, kind, friendly, gentle, gracious, caring, pleasing, polite and warm.
These positive behaviours occurs in related clusters which can set off a "Virtue Cycle" over time to become better.
Avoid someone who often display the following characteristics:
1.          Poor listening skills, has difficulties understanding the viewpoints of others, inconsiderate, judgmental, mean, critical, toxic, aggressive, unforgiving, vengeful, do not respect others
2.          Negative focus, pessimistic, usually complaining about others, do not appreciate positive aspects of the situations, do not trust others to do what is right, suspicious
3.          Rigid in thoughts and actions, stubborn, narrow or closed-minded, difficulties encountering in prioritising activities / actions to be carried out, and poor time management skill
4.          Blame others or situations for what is / are happening, often complaining, making excuses and feeling helpless in situations or difficulties encountered
5.          Not aware of and do not accept own strengths and weaknesses, feel insecure, has poor self-esteem, has bouts of jealousy, project bad behaviours on others (when own behaviour is worse), possessive, petty, controlling, manipulative
6.          Is critical, toxic and judgmental of others, complaining about the behaviours of others (relatives, work colleagues, neighbours, etc.)
7.          Has fears, guilt, anger or anxiety issue or past hurts (which cannot be released), easily irritable, poor tolerance level, impatient, cold, unfriendly, feel gloomy & depressed

These negative behaviours occurs in related clusters which can set off a "Vicious Cycle" over time to become worse.

Tuesday, January 01, 2013

Heaven and Hell On Earth

You experience heaven on Earth when you are with people who are adaptable, affirmative, amiable, good at anger mgmt, apologetic, appreciative, attentive, benevolent, calm, charitable, have good communication skills, compassionate, composed, confident, considerate, contented, courteous, diplomatic, empathetic, encouraging, enthusiastic, far-sighted, flexible, friendly, focus on what can be done, forgiving, generous, gentle, good-natured, gracious, healthy, helpful, honest, humble, "I can" attitude, independent, interesting, kind, have good listening skills, merciful, open-minded, optimistic, patient, peaceful, persevering, pleasant, pleasing, polite, giving praises, proactive, realistic, refreshing, repentant, respectful, responsible, responsive, provide good role model, satisfied, secure, have good self-esteem, self-aware, self-disciplined, sincere, sociable, tactful, thankful, tolerant, truthful, trusting, trustworthy, understanding and warm.

You experience hell on Earth when you are with people who are abusive, aggressive, ambiguous, angry, annoying, antagonistic, anxious, apathetic, bad-tempered, bearing grudges, blaming, belittling, bitter, bullying, callous, caustic, closed-minded, cold, complaining, controlling, corrosive, uses covert intimidation, covetous, create excuses, critical, cruel, dishonest, deceptive, deceitful, in denial, demoralising, desire for power over others, discouraging, discontented, discourteous, distracting / diverting, distrustful, doubting, domineering, egoistic, engages in guilt tripping, evasive, exploitative, fault-finding, fearful, feign innocence or confusion, fierce, gloomy, grumbling, harsh, harassing, hostile, hypocritical, ill-tempered, impatient, inconsiderate, indifferent, inflexible, insecure, insincere, intimidating, intolerant, intrusive, irritating, jealous, lacking in empathy, lacking in kindness, malicious, mean, misleading, obnoxious, offensive, rude, ruthless, , lacking in self-acceptance, have poor self-esteem, slanderous, lacking in warmth, lying by omission, manipulative, narrow-minded, obsessive-compulsive, pessimistic, petty, play the victim role, resentful, self-centered, selfish, use shaming, sneaky, spiteful, stubborn, suspicious, threatening, toxic, traumatised, tyrannical, unconcerned, unfeeling, unforgiving, unfriendly, unresponsive, untrusting, venomous, vicious

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Make Yourself Happy (Nov 2012)

People who are happy often are adaptable, affirmative, amiable, good at anger mgmt, apologetic, appreciative, attentive, benevolent, calm, charitable, have good communication skills, compassionate, composed, confident, considerate, contented, courteous, diplomatic, empathetic, encouraging, enthusiastic, far-sighted, flexible, friendly, focus on what can be done, forgiving, generous, gentle, good-natured, gracious, healthy, helpful, honest, humble, "I can" attitude, independent, interesting, kind, have good listening skills, merciful, open-minded, optimistic, patient, peaceful, persevering, pleasant, pleasing, polite, giving praises, proactive, realistic, refreshing, repentant, respectful, responsible, responsive, provide good role model, satisfied, secure, have good self-esteem, self-aware, self-disciplined, sincere, sociable, tactful, thankful, tolerant, truthful, trusting, trustworthy, understanding and warm.

People who are unhappy are often abusive, aggressive, ambiguous, angry, annoying, antagonistic, anxious, apathetic, bad-tempered, bearing grudges, blaming, belittling, bitter, bullying, callous, caustic, closed-minded, cold, complaining, controlling, corrosive, uses covert intimidation, covetous, create excuses, critical, cruel, dishonest, deceptive, deceitful, in denial, demoralising, desire for power over others, discouraging, discontented, discourteous, distracting / diverting, distrustful, doubting, domineering, egoistic, engages in guilt tripping, evasive, exploitative, fault-finding, fearful, feign innocence or confusion, fierce, gloomy, grumbling, harsh, harassing, hostile, hypocritical, ill-tempered, impatient, inconsiderate, indifferent, inflexible, insecure, insincere, intimidating, intolerant, intrusive, irritating, jealous, lacking in empathy, lacking in kindness, malicious, mean, misleading, obnoxious, offensive, rude, ruthless, , lacking in self-acceptance, have poor self-esteem, slanderous, lacking in warmth, lying by omission, manipulative, narrow-minded, obsessive-compulsive, pessimistic, petty, play the victim role, resentful, self-centered, selfish, use shaming, sneaky, spiteful, stubborn, suspicious, threatening, toxic, traumatised, tyrannical, unconcerned, unfeeling, unforgiving, unfriendly, unresponsive, untrusting, venomous, vicious, whining.

Which of the above characteristics do you have more of?

Sunday, December 23, 2012


Facing the Enemies Within by Jim Rohn (Apr 2012)

We are not born with courage, but neither are we born with fear. Maybe some of our fears are brought on by your own experiences, by what someone has told you, by what you've read in the papers. Some fears are valid, like walking alone in a bad part of town at two o'clock in the morning. But once you learn to avoid that situation, you won't need to live in fear of it.

Fears, Even the most basic ones, can totally destroy our ambitions. Fear can destroy fortunes. Fear can destroy relationships. Fear, if left unchecked, can destroy our lives. Fear is one of the many enemies lurking inside us.

Let me tell you about five of the other enemies we face from within. The first enemy that you've got to destroy before it destroys you is indifference. What a tragic disease this is. "Ho-hum, let it slide. I'll just drift along." Here's one problem with drifting: you can't drift your way to the top of the mountain.

The second enemy we face is indecision. Indecision is the thief of opportunity and enterprise. It will steal your chances for a better future. Take a sword to this enemy.

The third enemy inside is doubt. Sure, there's room for healthy skepticism. You can't believe everything. But you also can't let doubt take over. Many people doubt the past, doubt the future, doubt each other, doubt the government, doubt the possibilities and doubt the opportunities. Worst of all, they doubt themselves. I'm telling you, doubt will destroy your life and your chances of success. It will empty both your bank account and your heart. Doubt is an enemy. Go after it. Get rid of it.

The fourth enemy within is worry. We've all got to worry some. Just don't let it conquer you. Instead, let it alarm you. Worry can be useful. If you step off the curb in New York City and a taxi is coming, you've got to worry. But you can't let worry loose like a mad dog that drives you into a small corner. Here's what you've got to do with your worries: drive them into a small corner. Whatever is out to get you, you've got to get it. Whatever is pushing on you, you've got to push back.

The fifth interior enemy is over-caution. It is the timid approach to life. Timidity is not a virtue; it's an illness. If you let it go, it'll conquer you. Timid people don't get promoted. They don't advance and grow and become powerful in the marketplace. You've got to avoid over-caution.

Do battle with the enemy. Do battle with your fears. Build your courage to fight what's holding you back, what's keeping you from your goals and dreams. Be courageous in your life and in your pursuit of the things you want and the person you want to become.

The Seven Habits of Spectacularly Unsuccessful Executives (Jan 2012)


Habit # 1: They see themselves and their companies as dominating their environment

Warning Sign for #1: A lack of respect

Habit #2: They identify so completely with the company that there is no clear boundary between their personal interests and their corporation’s interests

Warning Sign for #2: A question of character

Habit #3: They think they have all the answers

Warning Sign for #3: A leader without followers

Habit #4: They ruthlessly eliminate anyone who isn’t completely behind them

Warning Sign for #4: Executive departures

Habit #5: They are consummate spokespersons, obsessed with the company image

Warning Sign of #5: Blatant attention-seeking

Habit #6: They underestimate obstacles

Warning Sign of #6: Excessive hype

Habit #7: They stubbornly rely on what worked for them in the past

Warning Sign of #7: Constantly referring to what worked in the past


10 Kinds of People For Effective Meetings (Nov 2011)

The Value of Shared Thinking by John C. Maxwell

So how do you know what kind of person to bring around the table? Listed below are ten kinds of people you want.

1. People whose greatest desire is the success of the idea. You don't want people around the table who want to see the idea fail. You have to have people around the table who are committed to the success of the idea.

2. People who can compound another person's thought. You want to bring people around the table who can take somebody else's thought and play off of it and tweak it and make it better.

3. People who emotionally can handle the changes of conversation. The creative conversation is going to go left and right, and up and down. It's an emotional roller coaster, and you want someone who won't let their feelings get in the way of progress.

4. People who appreciate strengths in others where they are weak. These are people who can complement one another. For example, where you've got one person who's a focus thinker and another person who's a creative thinker, they will have to be able to appreciate the input of the other.

5. People who recognize their place of value at the table. They know why they're there. If they don't, you will have a problem.

6. People who place what is best for them below what is best for the team. These people know to check their egos at the door. Subordinating your own agenda to what is best for everyone is always good.

7. People who can bring out the best thinking of those around them. When somebody comes up with a great thought, they can probe a little and say, "Come on, go a little bit deeper here. Talk to me a little bit more. Give me some more out of this."

8. People who possess maturity, experience and success in the issue being discussed. I want all three. I don't want maturity without success, I don't want experience without success, and I certainly don't want success without either.

9. People who take ownership and responsibility for the decisions that are made. They have the ability to come to the table and, after there is a shared concept and idea or thought that revolves around it, they can take ownership of it.

10. People who can leave the table with a "we" attitude and not a "me" attitude. Teamwork is essential to accomplishing great things. You always want people who are willing and able to grasp this concept on your team.