Short, inspirational or motivational quotations relating to belief or unbelief (Feb 2009)

One of my hobbies is collecting short, inspirational or motivational quotations (about 800 so far). Here is a collection of quotations relating to belief or unbelief:

1. Man is what he believes - Anton Chekhov
2. Beliefs always precede actions - James Allen
3. Your beliefs determine your destiny
4. Dreams know no boundaries. They just need belief
5. If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes - Mark 9:23
6. The people who influence you are the people who believe in you - Henry Drummond
7. Belief is the ignition switch that gets you off the launching pad - Denis Waitley
8. Community is God’s answer to loneliness, fatigue, defeat and unbelief
9. What ever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve - Napoleon Hill
10. I'm a great believer in luck and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it - Thomas Jefferson
11. One person with a belief is equal to a force of ninety-nine with only interests - John Stuart Mill
12. Success is not what you think it is. It is what you believe it is. And most never believe - Doug Firebaugh
13. To accomplish great things, we must not only plan and act, but also dream and believe
14. The vicious cycle initiated and sustained through negative questions, thoughts and beliefs
15. The virtuous cycle is initiated and sustained through positive questions, thoughts and beliefs
16. Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not insist on its own way. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails - I Corinthians 13:4-8

100 Ways To Smile - Jan 2009

1 Call an old friend, just to say hi
2 Hold a door open for a stranger
3 Invite someone to lunch
4 Compliment someone on his or her appearance
5 Ask a co-worker for their opinion on a project
6 Bring cookies to work
7 Let someone cut in during rush hour traffic
8 Leave a waitress or waiter a big tip
9 Tell a cashier to have a nice day
10 Call your parents

11 Let someone know you miss them
12 Treat someone to a movie
13 Let a person know you really appreciate them
14 Visit a retirement centre
15 Take a child to the zoo
16 Fill up your spouse's car with gas
17 Surprise someone with a small gift
18 Leave a thank-you note for the cleaning staff at work
19 Write a letter to a distant relative
20 Tell someone you thought about them the other day

21 Put a dime in a stranger's parking meter before the time expires
22 Bake a cake for a neighbour
23 Send someone flowers to where they work
24 Invite a friend to tea
25 Recommend a good book to someone
26 Donate clothing to a charity
27 Offer an elderly person a ride to where they need to go
28 Bag your own groceries at the checkout counter
29 Give blood
30 Offer free baby-sitting to a friend who's really busy or just needs a break

31 Help your neighbour rake leaves or shovel snow
32 Offer your seat to someone when there aren't any left
33 Help someone with a heavy load
34 Ask to see a store's manager and comment on the great service
35 Give your place in line at the grocery store to someone who has only a few items
36 Hug someone in your family for no reason
37 Wave to a child in the car next to you
38 Send a thank-you note to your doctor
39 Repeat something nice you heard about someone else
40 Leave a joke on someone's answering machine.

41 Be a mentor or coach to someone
42 Forgive a loan
43 Fill up the copier machine with paper after you're done using it
44 Tell someone you believe in them
45 Share your umbrella on a rainy day
46 Welcome new neighbours with flowers or a plant
47 Offer to watch a friend's home while they're away
48 Ask someone if they need you to pick up anything while you're out shopping
49 Ask a child to play a board game, and let them win
50 Ask an elderly person to tell you about the good old days

51 During bad weather, plan an indoor picnic with the family
52 Buy someone a goldfish and bowl
53 Compliment someone on their cooking and politely ask for a second helping
54 Dance with someone who hasn't been asked
55 Tell someone you mentioned them in your prayers
56 Give children's clothes to another family when your kids outgrow them
57 Deliver extra vegetables from your garden to the whole neighbourhood
58 Call your spouse just to say, I love you
59 Call someone's attention to a rainbow or beautiful sunset
60 Invite someone to go bowling

61 Figure out someone's half-birthday by adding 182 days & surprise them with a cake
62 Ask someone about their children
63 Tell someone which quality you like most about them
64 Brush the snow off of the car next to yours
65 Return your shopping cart to the front of the store
66 Encourage someone's dream, no matter how big or small it is
67 Pay for a stranger's cup of coffee without them knowing it
68 Leave a love letter where your partner will find it
69 Ask an older person for their advice
70 Offer to take care of someone's pet while they're away

71 Tell a child you're proud of them
72 Visit a sick person, or send them a care package
73 Join a Big Brother or Sister program
74 Leave a piece of candy on a co-worker's desk
75 Bring your child to work with you for the afternoon
76 Give someone a recording of their favourite music
77 Email a friend some information about a topic they are especially interested in
78 Give someone a home-made gift
79 Write a poem for someone
80 Bake some cookies for your local fire or police department

81 Organize a neighbourhood cleanup and have a barbecue afterwards
82. Help a child build a birdhouse or similar project.
83. Check in on an old person, just to see if they're okay.
84. Ask for the recipe after you eat over at someone's house.
85. Personally welcome a new employee at work and offer to take them out for lunch.
86. While in a car, ask everyone to buckle up because they are important to you.
87. Let someone else eat the last slice of cake or pizza.
88. Stop and buy a drink from a kid's lemonade stand.
89. Forgive someone when they apologize.
90. Wave to someone looking for a parking space when you're about to leave a shopping centre.

91. Send a copy of an old photograph to a childhood friend.
92. Leave a pint of your spouse's favourite flavour of ice cream in the freezer with a bow on it.
93. Do a household chore that is usually done by someone else in the family.
94. Be especially happy for someone when they tell you their good news.
95. Compliment a co-worker on their role in a successful project.
96. Give your spouse a spontaneous back rub at the end of the day.
97. Serve someone in your family breakfast in bed.
98. Ask someone if they've lost weight.
99. Make a donation to a charity in someone's honour.
100. Take a child to a ballgame.

The 4 Wives (Nov 2008)

Author: Unknown

There was a rich merchant who had 4 wives. He loved the 4th wife the most and adorned her with rich robes and treated her to delicacies. He took great care of her and gave her nothing but the best.

He also loved the 3rd wife very much. He's very proud of her and always wanted to show off her to his friends. However, the merchant is always in great fear that she might run away with some other men.

He too, loved his 2nd wife. She is a very considerate person, always patient and in fact is the merchant's confidante. Whenever the merchant faced some problems, he always turned to his 2nd wife and she would always help him out and tide him through difficult times.

Now, the merchant's 1st wife is a very loyal partner and has made great contributions in maintaining his wealth and business as well as taking care of the household. However, the merchant did not love the first wife and although she loved him deeply, he hardly took notice of her.

One day, the merchant fell ill. Before long, he knew that he was going to die soon. He thought of his luxurious life and told himself, "Now I have 4 wives with me. But when I die, I'll be alone. How lonely I'll be!"

Thus, he asked the 4th wife, "I loved you most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?" "No way!" replied the 4th wife and she walked away without another word.

The answer cut like a sharp knife right into the merchant's heart. The sad merchant then asked the 3rd wife, "I have loved you so much for all my life. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?" "No!" replied the 3rd wife. "Life is so good over here! I'm going to remarry when you die!" The merchant's heart sank and turned cold.

He then asked the 2nd wife, "I always turned to you for help and you've always helped me out. Now I need your help again. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?" "I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!" replied the 2nd wife. "At the very most, I can only send you to your grave." The answer came like a bolt of thunder and the merchant was devastated.

Then a voice called out: "I'll leave with you. I'll follow you no matter where you go." The merchant looked up and there was his first wife. She was so skinny, almost like she suffered from malnutrition. Greatly grieved, the merchant said, "I should have taken much better care of you while I could have!"

Actually, we all have 4 wives in our lives. The 4th wife is our body. No matter how much time and effort we lavish in making it look good, it'll leave us when we die. Our 3rd wife is our possessions, status and wealth. When we die, they all go to others. The 2nd wife is our family and friends. No matter how close they had been there for us when we're alive, the furthest they can stay by us is up to the grave.

The 1st wife is in fact our soul, often neglected in our pursuit of material, wealth and sensual pleasure. Guess what? It is actually the only thing that follows us wherever we go. Perhaps it's a good idea to cultivate and strengthen it now rather than to wait until we're on our deathbed to lament.

The Ant And The Contact Lens (Sep 2008)

A true story by Josh and Karen Zarandona in a Missouri paper

Brenda was a young woman who was invited to go rock climbing. Although she was very scared she went with her group to a tremendous granite cliff. In spite of her fear she put on her gear, took hold of the rope and started up the face of that rock.

She got to a ledge where she could take a breather. As she was hanging there the safety rope snapped against Brenda's eye and knocked out her contact lens. Well, here she is, on a rock ledge, with hundreds of feet below her and hundreds of feet above her. Of course, she looked and looked and looked hoping it had landed on the ledge but it just wasn't there. Here she was, far from home, her sight now blurry. She was desperate and began to get upset so she prayed to the Lord to help her find it.

When she got to the top a friend examined her eye and clothing for the lens but there was no contact lens to be found. She sat down, despondent, with the group waiting for the rest of them to make it up to the face of the cliff.

She looked out across range after range of mountains thinking of that verse that says, "The eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth". She thought, "Lord, you can see all these mountains. You know every stone and leaf and you know where my contact lens is. Please help me" Finally, they walked down the trail to the bottom. At the bottom was a new party of climbers just starting up the face of the cliff.

One of them shouted, "Hey you guys! Anybody lose a contact lens?" Well that would be startling enough but you know why the climber saw it? An ant was moving slowly across the face of the rock carrying it on his back.

Brenda told me that her father is a cartoonist. When she told him the incredible story of the ant, the prayer, and the contact lens he drew a picture of an ant lugging the contact lens with the words "Lord, I don't know why you want me to carry this thing, I can't eat it and it's awfully heavy, but if this is what you want me to do I'll carry it for you"

I think it would probably do some of us good to occasionally say, "God, I don't know why you want me to carry this load. I can see no good in it and it's awfully heavy but if you want me to carry it I will.

It Is Easier To Criticise, But Difficult To Improve (Aug 2008)

Once upon a time there was a painter who had just completed his course under disciple-hood of a great painter. This young artist decided to assess his skills of skills so he decided to give his best strokes on the canvass. He took 3 days and painted beautiful scenery. Suddenly an idea flashed in his mind and he decided to display it on a busy street-square of that small town he was resident of. He wanted people's opinion about his calibre and painting skills.

He put his creation at a busy street-crossing. And just down below a board which read - "Gentlemen, I have painted this piece. Since I'm new to this profession I might have committed some mistakes in my strokes etc. Please put a cross wherever you see a mistake."

While he came back in the evening to collect his painting he was completely shattered to see that whole canvass was filled with Xs (crosses) and some people had even written their comments on the painting.

Disheartened and broken completely he ran to his masters place and burst into tears. Sobbing and crying inconsolably he told his master about what happened and showed the pathetic state of his creation which was filled with marks everywhere. Such was the state that colours were not visible, only things one could see were crosses and correction remarks. This young artist was breathing heavily and master heard him saying "I'm useless and if this is what I have learnt to paint I'm not worth becoming a painter. People have rejected me completely. I feel like dying"

Master smiled and suggested "My Son, I will prove that you are a great artist and have learnt a flawless painting." Young disciple couldn't believe it and said "I have lost faith in me and I don't think I am good enough. Don't make false hopes."

"Do as I say without questioning it. It WILL work." Master interrupted him. "Just paint exactly similar painting once again for me and give it to me. Will you do that for your master?." Master instructed.

Young artist reluctantly agreed and two days later early morning he presented a replica of his earlier painting to his master. Master took that gracefully and smiled.

"Come with me" master said. They reached the same street-square early morning and displayed the same painting exactly at the same place. Now master took out another board which read -

"Gentlemen, I have painted this piece. Since I'm new to this profession I might have committed some mistakes in my strokes etc. I have put a box with colors and brushes just below. Please do a favour. If you see a mistake, kindly pick up the brush and correct it."

Master and disciple walked back home.

They both visited the place same evening. Young painter was surprised to see that actually there was not a single correction done so far. But master wasn't satisfied as yet and he told his disciple "May be one day was too little a time for people to come up with ideas and take out time out of their busy schedules to correct it so let us keep it here for one more day. Tomorrow is Sunday, so we can expect some corrections coming in."

Next day again they visited and found painting remained untouched. They say the painting was kept there for a month for no correction came in!

Moral of the Story: It is easier to criticise, but difficult to improve.

Love & Life - Picking The Flower That Will Cause Your Death (Jul 2008)

This story tells us something about LOVE & LIFE.

My husband is S/W Engineer by profession, I love him for his steady nature and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders.

Two years of courtship and now, five years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness.

I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings. I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. My husband is my complete opposite; his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about LOVE.

One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce. "Why?" he asked, shocked. "I am tired. There are no reasons for everything in the world!" I answered.

He kept silent the whole night, seemingly in deep thought. My feeling of disappointment only increased. Here was a man who was not able to even express his predicament, so what else could I expect from him?

And finally he asked me: "What can I do to change your mind?"

Somebody said it right... It's hard to change a person's personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in him. Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered: "Here is the question. If you can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind.

Let's say, I want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death. Will you do it for me?" He said: "I will give you your answer tomorrow...." My hopes just sank by listening to his response.

I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting underneath a milk glass, on the dining table near the front door, that goes....

My dear, "I would not pick that flower for you, but....please allow me to explain the reasons further.....

This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading.

"When you use the computer you always mess up the Software programs, and you cry in front of the screen. I have to save my fingers so that I can help to restore the programs.

You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you.

You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city. I have to save my eyes to show you the way.

You always have the cramps whenever your "good friend" approaches every month. I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your tummy.

You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom.

You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes. I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip your nails and help to remove those annoying white hairs. So I can also hold your hand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sand...and tell you the colour of flowers, just like the colour of the glow on your young face...

Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do... I could not pick that flower yet, and die ... "

My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting... and as I continue on reading... "Now, that you have finished reading my answer, and if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favorite bread and fresh milk...

I rushed to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread.... Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does, and I have decided to leave the flower alone...

That's LIFE, and LOVE. When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness.

Love shows up in all forms; even in very small and cheeky forms. It has never been a model. It could be the dullest and most boring form ...

Flowers, and romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands... AND THAT'S LIFE.

Early Retirement (Jun 2008)

A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.

"Not very long," answered the Mexican. "But then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the American. The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.

The American asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?" "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta with my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to see my friends, play the guitar, and sing a few songs... I have a full life."

The American interrupted, "I have an MBA from Harvard, and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat." "And after that?" asked the Mexican.

"With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New York City! From there you can direct your huge new
enterprise."

"How long would that take?" asked the Mexican. "Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years," replied the American. "And after that?" "Afterwards? Well my Friend, That's when it gets really interesting," answered the American, laughing. "When your business gets really big, you can start selling stocks and make millions!"

"Millions? Really? And after that?" said the Mexican. "After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings doing what you like and enjoying your friends."

"With all due respect sir, but that's exactly what I am doing now. So what's the point wasting twenty-five years?" asked the Mexican. And the moral is: Know where you're going in life... you may already be there.

How Is A Paradigm Formed? (May 2008)

A group of scientists placed 5 monkeys in a cage and in the middle, a ladder with bananas on the top. Every time a monkey went up the ladder, the scientists soaked the rest of the monkeys with cold water.

After a while, every time a monkey went up the ladder, the others beat up the one on the ladder. After some time, no monkey dare to go up the ladder regardless of the temptation.

Scientists then decided to substitute one of the monkeys. The 1st thing this new monkey did was to go up the ladder. Immediately the other monkeys beat him up.

After several beatings, the new member learned not to climb the ladder even though never knew why. After sometime, 2nd monkey was substituted and the same occurred.

The 1st monkey participated in the beating up of the 2nd monkey. A 3rd monkey was changed and the same was repeated (beating). The 4th was substituted and the beating was repeated and finally the 5th monkey was replaced.

What was left was a group of 5 monkeys that even though never received a cold shower, continued to beat up any monkey who attempted to climb the ladder.

If it was possible to ask the monkeys why they would beat up all those who attempted to go up the ladder... I bet you the answer would be...

I don't know - that's how things are done around here" Does it sounds familiar?
Don't miss the opportunity to share this with others as they might be asking themselves why we continue to do what we are doing if there is a different way out there.

"Only two things are infinite: The universe and human stupidity. And I am not so sure about the former." -Albert Einstein

Creating Special Moments (Mar 2008)

One day a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name. Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down.

It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed in the papers. That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said about that individual.

On Monday she gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling. "Really?" she heard whispered. "I never knew that I meant anything to anyone!" and, "I didn't know others liked me so much." were most of the comments.

No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. She never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn't matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and one another. That group of students moved on.

Several years later, one of the students was killed in Vietnam and his teacher attended the funeral of that special student. She had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. He looked so handsome, so mature.

The church was packed with his friends. One by one those who loved him took a last walk by the coffin. The teacher was the last one to bless the coffin. As she stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as pallbearer came up to her. "Were you Mark's math teacher?" he asked. She nodded: "yes." Then he said: "Mark talked about you a lot."

After the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates went together to a luncheon. Mark's mother and father were there, obviously waiting to speak with his teacher. "We want to show you something," his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket. "They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it."

Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times. The teacher knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which she had listed all the good things each of Mark's classmates had said about him.

"Thank you so much for doing that," Mark's mother said. "As you can see, Mark treasured it." All of Mark's former classmates started to gather around. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, "I still have my list. It's in the top drawer of my desk at home." Chuck's wife said, "Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album."

"I have mine too," Marilyn said. "It's in my diary." Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group "I carry this with me at all times," Vicki said and without batting an eyelash, she continued: "I think we all saved our lists."

Teachers can create special moments through out the lives of their students, isn't that right?

A Difficult Judgement (Feb 2008)

In a small town, a person decided to open up his Bar business, which was right opposite to the Temple. The Temple & its congregation started a campaign to block the Bar from opening with petitions and prayed daily against his business.

Work progressed. However, when it was almost complete and was about to open a few days later, a strong lightning struck the Bar and it was burnt to the ground.

The temple folks were rather smug in their outlook after that, till the Bar owner sued the Temple authorities on the grounds that the Temple through its congregation & prayers was ultimately responsible for the demise of his bar shop, either through direct or indirect actions or means.

In its reply to the court, the temple vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection that their prayers were reasons to the bar shop's demise. As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork at the hearing and commented:

"I don't know how I'm going to decide this case, but it appears from the paperwork, we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer and we have an entire temple and its devotees that doesn't."

The Camel Story (Jan 2008)

It is a conversation between a young camel and its mother.

Mother, may I ask you some questions? Sure, why son, is there something bothering you? Why do camels have humps? Well son, we are desert animals, we need the humps to store water and we are known to survive without water.

OK, then why are our legs long and our feet rounded? Son, obviously they are meant for walking in the desert better than anyone does.

OK, then why are our eyelashes long? Sometimes it bothers my sight. My son, those long thick eyelashes are your protective cover. They help to protect your eyes from the desert sand and wind.

I see. So the hump is to store water when we are in the desert, the legs are for walking through the desert and these eyelashes protect my eyes from the desert sand…

Just one more question, Mother…Yes, dear? What the hell are we doing in the ZOO?

Skills, knowledge, abilities and experiences are only useful if you are at the right place! Where are you now?

Never Underestimate Illiterates (Dec 2007)

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Wairarapa. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."

The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here." The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in New Zealand and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in North Wairarapa. We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.'" The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?"

The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney.

His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees! His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his
rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and remaining strength and very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart. Now it's my turn."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."

Person Hindering Your Growth (Nov 2007)

One day all the employees reached office and saw a big notice on the door: "The person who had been hindering your growth passed away yesterday. You are requested to join the funeral & prayers which have been organised in the gym".

At the start, all were sad for the death of one of their colleagues, but after a while they started getting curious to know who it was that hindered their growth. The excitement in the gym grew such that security agents were ordered to control the crowd within the room.

More the people reached the coffin, more the excitement heated up. Everyone thought: "Who could this be? Who was hindering my progress?" One by one the thrilled employees got closer to the coffin, and when they looked inside it they suddenly became speechless. They stood nearby the coffin, shocked and in silence, as if someone had touched the deepest part of their soul. There was a mirror inside the coffin: everyone who looked inside it could see himself. There was also a sign next to the mirror that said:

"There is only one person who is capable to set limits to your growth: it is YOU. You are the only person who can revolutionize your life. You are the only person who can influence your happiness, your realization and your success. You are the only person who can help yourself.

Your life does not change when your boss changes, when your friends change, when your parents change, when your partner changes, when your company changes. Your life changes when YOU change, when you go beyond your limiting beliefs, when you realize that you are the only one responsible for your life. The most important relationship you can have, is the one you have with yourself."

Examine yourself, watch yourself. Don't be afraid of difficulties, impossibilities and losses: be a winner, build yourself and your reality. The world is like a mirror: it gives back to anyone the reflection of the thoughts in which one has strongly believed.

The world and your reality are like mirrors laying in a coffin, which show to any individual the death of his divine capability to imagine and create his happiness and his success. It's the way you face Life that makes the difference.

Quotations Relating to Success (Oct 2007)

1) Success comes in cans, not can'ts
2) Success is a journey, not a destination
3) Success is simply getting up more times than falling
4) Success is dependent upon the glands - sweat glands
5) The twin killers of success are impatience and greed - Jim Rohn
6) When thoughts become actions, success is attainable
7) Real success is finding your life the work that you love
8) Success is not so much what we have as it is what we are - Jim Rohn
9) Pure and simple, any person who is enjoying life is a success - William Feather
10) People begin to become successful the minute they decide to be - Harvey Mackay

11) There is no road to success but through a clear and strong purpose
12) Few people can travel the road to success without a puncture or two
13) Success is getting what you want; Happiness is wanting what you get
14) Try not to become a man of success but rather to become a man of value - Albert Einstein
15) Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go - William Feather
16) Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person you become - Jim Rohn
17) Not every successful man is a good father. But every good father is a successful man
18) Success is not what you think it is. It is what you believe it is. And most never believe
19) Some of the wisest, happiest and most successful men are extremely humble individuals
20) Success is the good fortune that comes from aspiration, desperation, inspiration and perspiration
21) One man has enthusiasm for 30 minutes, another for 30 days, but it is the man who has it for 30 years who makes a success of his life

Quotations Relating to Failures (Sep 2007)

Listen to what the different wise men say about failures and you will start to truely appreciate the meaning of failures:
1) Success isn't permanent, and failure isn't fatal - Mike Ditka
2) You always pass failure on the way to success - Mickey Rooney
3) Failure is the child of poor planning and bad advice
4) If you want to succeed faster, double your rate of failure
5) You have not failed. You simply have not yet succeeded
6) You can always tell a failure by the way he criticizes success
7) A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success - Doug Larson
8) Failure is the path of least persistence. Success is simply a matter of persistence
9) Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough - Og Mandino
10) Success is being able to go from failure to failure without losing the enthusiasm - Winston Churchill
11) A failure is a person who has blundered, but is not able to cash in on the experience
12) Our destiny is the result of the paths we have taken or chosen when we encounter failures
13) Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up - Thomas Edison
14) Failure is not a single, cataclysmic event. You don't fail overnight. Instead, failure is a few errors in judgment, repeated every day - Jim Rohn

If we as parents of children with ADHD can appreciate the above enlightening & motivational quotations about failures, we should be able help our children better cope with the problems (& repeated failures) that they often encounter.

Best Regards
Swee Huat.

Twenty Keys to a Happy Life (Aug 2007)

Twenty Keys to a Happy Life
Anonymous
Submitted by: Pat N.

1. Compliment three people everyday.
2. Watch a sunrise.
3. Be the first to say "Hello."
4. Live beneath your means.
5. Treat everyone as you want to be treated.

6. Never give up on anybody; miracles happen.
7. Forget the Jones's.
8. Remember someone's name.
9. Pray not for things, but for wisdom and courage.
10. Be tough-minded, but tender-hearted.

11. Be kinder than you have to be.
12. Don't forget that a person's greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.
13. Keep your promises.
14. Learn to show cheerfulness even when you don't feel it.
15. Remember that overnight success usually takes 15 years.

16. Leave everything better than you found it.
17. Remember that winners do what losers don't want to do.
18. When you arrive at your job in the morning, let the first thing you say brighten everyone's day.
19. Don't rain on other people's parades.
20. Don't waste an opportunity to tell someone you Love them.

Practice Being Like a Child by Jim Rohn (Jul 2007)

Remember the master teacher once said 2000 years ago, "Unless you can become like little children, your chances are zero, you haven't got a prayer." A major consideration for adults. Be like children and remember there are four ways to be more like a child no matter how old you get:

1) Curiosity - Be curious. Childish curiosity. Learn to be curious like a child. What will kids do if they want to know something bad enough? You’re right. They will bug you. Kids can ask a million questions. You think they're through. They've got another million. They will keep plaguing you. They can drive you right to the brink. Also kids use their curiosity to learn. Have you ever noticed that while adults are stepping on ants, children are studying them? A child's curiosity is what helps them to reach, learn and grow.

2) Excitement - Learn to get excited like a child. There is nothing that has more magic than childish excitement. So excited you hate to go to bed at night. Can't wait to get up in the morning. So excited that you're about to explode. How can anyone resist that kind of childish magic? Now, once in awhile I meet someone who says, "Well, I'm a little too mature for all that childish excitement." Isn't that pitiful? You've got to weep for these kinds of people. All I've got to say is, "If you're too old to get excited, you're old." Don't get that old.

3) Faith - Faith like a child. Faith is childish. How else would you describe it? Some people say, "Let's be adult about it." Oh no. No. Adults too often have a tendency to be overly skeptical. Some adults even have a tendency to be cynical. Adults say, "Yeah. I've heard that old positive line before. It will be a long day in June before I fall for that positive line. You've got to prove to me it's any good." See, that's adult, but kids aren't that way. Kids think you can get anything. They are really funny. You tell kids, "We're going to have three swimming pools." And they say, "Yeah. Three. One each. Stay out of my swimming pool." See, they start dividing them up right away, but adults are not like that. Adults say, "Three swimming pools? You're out of your mind. Most people don't even have one swimming pool. You'll be lucky to get a tub in the back yard." You notice the difference? No wonder the master teacher said, "Unless you can become like little children, your chances, they're skinny."

4) Trust - Trust is a childish virtue, but it has great merit. Have you heard the expression "sleep like a baby"? That's it. Childish trust. After you've gotten an A+ for the day, leave it in somebody else's hands.

Curiosity, excitement, faith and trust. Wow, what a powerful combination to bring (back) into our lives.

To Your Success,
Jim Rohn

Motivating the Unmotivated (Jun 2007)

If you're frustrated in your efforts to elicit the best from each of your subordinates, chances are it's not that they can't be motivated, but that the wrong methods are being used to motivate them.

The secret is to package what you want from each individual in a way that makes them want to deliver for you. There are 7 classic work styles, each of which is motivated differently: Commanders, who need control; Drifters, who need flexibility; Attackers who need respect; Pleasers who need to be liked; Performers, who need recognition; Avoiders who need security; and Analyticals, who need certainty. Now here's how to use this knowledge to better motivate your staff.

Commanders: Results oriented, aloof, bossy and not terribly tactful, Commanders need to be in a position to take initiative. Delegate substantive assignments to them, and employ a hands-off management style. Articulate the desired result, and then stand aside and let them figure out the "how to's". To motivate the Commander, link what you want them to do to how doing so will improve order, control, or results. Most importantly, understand that the Commander wants to be valued and validated for their ability to overcome obstacles, to implement, and to achieve results.

Drifters: Free spirited and easy going, disorganized and impulsive, Drifters are virtually antithetical to Commanders. They have difficulty with structure of any kind, whether it relates to rules, work hours, details or deadlines. To motivate the Drifter, delegate only short assignments, and ensure assignments have lots of variety. Provide as much flexibility as possible, including what they work on, where they work, with whom they work, and the work schedule itself. Drifters want to be valued and validated for their innovation and creativity, their ability to improvise on a moment's notice, and their out-of-the-box thinking.

Attackers: Angry and hostile, cynical and grouchy, Attackers are often the most demoralizing influence in the workplace. They can be critical of others in public, and often communicate using demeaning, condescending tones or biting sarcasm. Attackers view themselves as superior to others, conveying contempt and disgust for others. Granted, these folks aren't exactly the most loveable of employees, but you do need to be able to motivate them effectively. Start by identifying what they're really good at, and then put them in positions of using or imparting that knowledge in ways that don't require much actual interaction with others. Value and validate the Attacker for their ability to take on the ugly, unpopular assignments no one else wants to touch, and for their ability to work for long periods of time in isolation.

Pleasers: Thoughtful, pleasant and helpful, Pleasers are easy to get along with. They view their work associates as extended family members, and have a high need for socialization at work. Unable to handle conflict, Pleasers can't say "no" to the requests of others, developing instant migraines or stomach problems to escape having to deal with negativity. Motivating Pleasers is pretty simple and direct - just let them know how doing whatever it is you ask will make you happy. The more difficult thing is to manage their tendency to subordinate what's best for the company to the maintenance of relationships. To manage this, you'll need to continually stress the concept of the "greater good". Value and validate Pleasers for the way they humanize the workplace, and for their helpful, collaborative work style.

Performers: Witty and charming, jovial and entertaining, Performers are often the most favourite personality in the workplace. They're the first to volunteer in public venues, and the last to deliver on their promises. Performers can also be self-promoting hustlers who use others as stepping-stones on their path to stardom. They'll also avoid accountability for any negative outcomes by distorting the truth and blaming others. Motivating the Performer requires that you link recognition and other incentives, such as high-profile assignments, to improved teamsmanship. Value and validate your Performer for their ability to establish new relationships, and for their persuasive and public speaking skills.

Avoiders: Quiet and reserved, Avoiders are the wallflowers of the world. They create warm, cozy nest-like environments and prefer to work alone. They fear taking initiative, and shun increased responsibility because of the attendant visibility and accountability. They'll do precisely what they're told - no more, it's true, but no less either. Avoiders will sacrifice money, position, growth and new opportunities for the safety of status quo.
Motivating the Avoider requires that you always provide detailed instructions, in which the Avoider will find safety, and don't expect to be successful in pushing this fear-based individual toward increased responsibility. Value and validate your Avoider for their reliability, for their meticulous attention to your instructions, and for getting the job done right the first time, every time.

Analyticals: Cautious, precise and diligent, Analyticals are the personification of procrastination. This sometimes incapacitates them in times of urgency. Their ability to multi-task mentally results in poor eye contact and flat intonation, they scrutinize the ideas of others, and anticipate all that could go wrong, which creates an inaccurate impression that they're negative. They're ill at ease socially and prefer that all communications be written or electronic - not in person. Motivating the Analytical requires that you give them time to complete each task before assigning another, and that you demonstrate and articulate respect for data and for the analytical function. Value and validate your Analytical for their commitment to accuracy, and for their ability to anticipate and evaluate risk far enough in advance to allow risks to be reduced.

The "one-size-fits-all cookie cutter approach to motivating others won't work. Instead, you must customize your methods to each individual you manage. Doing so will allow you to access the discretionary energy of staff - that which they aren't required to do, but could do if use these tips to make them want to.

Lucy Doss
Manager - Training Co-ordination (Singapore)
Oscar Murphy Life Strategists P Ltd
772, 10th Cross, 10th Main, Indira Nagar 2nd Stage
Bangalore - 560038, India
Phone: 91 80 5116 1534 / 35
Email: omls@oscarmurphy.com
WEB: www.oscarmurphy.com

Inspiring, Motivational & Enlightening Quotations (Apr 2007)

Set A
1. A merry heart does good like medicine - Proverbs 17:22
2. Learning is not compulsory... neither is survival - Edward Deming
3. I have never let my schooling interfere with my education - Mark Twain
4. A goal is a dream with deadline - Napoleon Hill
5. Whatever you are, be a good one - Abraham Lincoln
6. Diligence is the mother of good luck - Benjamin Franklin
7. In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity - Albert Enstein
8. Be the change you want to see in the world - Mahatma Gandhi
9. LUCK = Laboring Under Correct Knowledge - Denis Waitley
10. You always pass failure on the way to success - Mickey Rooney

Set B
1. Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work - Aristotle
2. The twin killers of success are impatience and greed - Jim Rohn
3. Success is not so much what we have as it is what we are - Jim Rohn
4. We struggle with the complexities and avoid the simplicities - Norman Vincent Peale
5. Appreciate people. Nothing gives more joy than appreciation - Ruth Smeltzer
6. Look in the Mirror: That is Your Problem and Your Solution - William E. Bailey
7. The proof of integrity is what you do when no one is looking - Denis Waitley
8. Dollars and guns are no substitutes for brains and will power - Dwight D. Eisenhower
9. Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off your goals - Henry Ford
10. Disgust and resolve are two of the great emotions that lead to change - Jim Rohn

Set C
1. Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others - Cicero
2. The little difference in altitude makes a great difference in the outcome - W. Clement Stone
3. If the truth isn't enough, then you must become stronger at presenting it - Jim Rohn
4. Try not to become a man of success but rather to become a man of value - Albert Einstein
5. Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go - William Feather
6. Instead of thinking about where you are, think about where you want to be - Diana Rankin
7. When we give it our all, we can live with ourselves regardless of the results - Unknown
8. Success is being able to go from failure to failure without losing the enthusiasm - Winston Churchill
9. If the creator had a purpose in equipping us with a neck, he surely meant us to stick it out - Arthur Koestler
10. There is a real magic in enthusiasm. It spells the difference between mediocrity and accomplishment - Norman Vincent Peale

Set D
1. Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up - Thomas Edison
2. I have had dreams and I have had nightmares, but I have conquered my nightmares because of my dreams - Jonas Salk
3. I could never convince the financiers that Disneyland was feasible because dreams offer too little collateral - Walt Disney
4. Read books, listen to tapes, attend seminars – they are decades of wisdom reduced to invaluable hours - Mark Victor Hansen
5. In all human affairs there are efforts, and there are results, and the strength of the effort is the measure of result - James Allen
6. If you plan for one year, plant rice. If you plan for ten years, plant trees. If plan for a hundred years, educate mankind - Chinese proverb
7. Failure is not a single, cataclysmic event. You don't fail overnight. Instead, failure is a few errors in judgment, repeated every day - Jim Rohn
8. Human beings have the remarkable ability to turn nothing into something. They can turn weeds into gardens and pennies into fortunes - Jim Rohn
9. With clear and focussed goals, a person with average talent, ambition and education can outstrip the most brilliant genius in our society - Brian Tracy
10. If you don't learn to laugh at troubles, you won't have anything to laugh at when you grow old - Edward W. Howe
11. Purpose is the engine that powers our lives - Dennis Waitley
12. The crisis of yesterday is the joke of tomorrow - H.G. Wells

Set E
1. Enthusiasm is nothing more or less than faith in action - Henry Chester
2. Silence is golden when you can't think of a good answer - Muhammad Ali
3. You are the only person on earth who can use your ability - Zig Ziglar
4. Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them? - Abraham Lincoln
5. Believe those who are seeking the truth; doubt those who find it - Andre Gide
6. For everything you have missed, you have gained something else - Ralph Waldo Emerson
7. You don't have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great - Joe Sabah
8. Personality can open doors, but only character can keep them open - Elmer G. Letterman
9. There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it - Edith Wharton
10. You will regret many things in life but you will never regret being too kind or too fair - Brian Tracy

Set F
1. If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow - Chinese Proverb
2. You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing - Michael Pritchard
3. You can have everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want - Zig Ziglar
4. We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience - Teilhard de Chardin
5. The pursuit of truth and beauty is a sphere of activity in which we are permitted to be children all our life - Albert Einstein
6. The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes of mind - William James
7. It only takes one lie to taint your entire testimony in a court of law. Honesty is a vital part of having a good reputation - Jim Rohn
8. I have learned that people will forget what you said and what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel - Maya Angelou
9. The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts - Bertrand Russell
10. Let yourself be open and life will be easier. A spoon of salt in a glass of water makes the water undrinkable. A spoon of salt in a lake is almost unnoticed - Buddha

Set G
1. Genius is one per cent inspiration, ninety-nine per cent perspiration - Thomas A. Edison
2. Patience is not passive; on the contrary, it is active; it is concentrated strength - Edward G. Bulwer-Lytton
3. Continuous effort, not strength or intelligence, is the key to unlocking our potential - Winston Churchill
4. An optimist sees an opportunity in every calamity; A pessimist see a calamity in every opportunity - Winston Churchill
5. You are only as strong as your purpose, therefore let us choose reasons to act that are big bold righteous and eternal - Barry Munro
6. He who refreshes others will be refreshed - Proverbs 11:25
7. Whoever trust the Lord, is happy - Proverbs 16:20
8. It is more blessed to give than to receive - Acts 20:35
9. Look out for one another’s interest, not just for your own - Ph 2:4
10. With men it is impossible; but to God all things are possible - Matthew 19:26

Set H
1. If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes - Mark 9:23
2. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples - John 13:35
3. Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not insist on its own way. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails - I Corinthians 13:4-8
4. Neglect starts out as an infection then becomes a disease. - Jim Rohn
5. Nothing needs reforming so much as other people's habits - Mark Twain
6. Good habits are as addictive as bad habits, and a lot more rewarding - Harvey Mackay
7. Being miserable is a habit; being happy is a habit; and the choice is yours - Tom Hopkins
8. To change a habit, make a conscious decision, then 'act out' the new behavior. - Dr. Maxwell Maltz
9. Habits are like comfortable beds; they are easy to get into, but difficult to get out of - Denis Waitley
10. You leave old habits behind by starting out with the thought, 'I release the need for this in my life' - Dr. Wayne W. Dyer
11. The core personal productivity habit is neatness. Important tasks are not entrusted to messy people - Brian Tracy

Improving Your Relationship With Your Spouse (Apr 2007)

Here are some interesting tips to built up excellent Relationships with your Spouse. A ready and handy checklist for practice. Please read and practice. Knowing is knowing - Doing is doing. Knowing and doing are two different things.

ANNIVERSARIES
Always celebrate! Whether it's the 1st or the 50th, each year together is a triumph.

APPRECIATION
Let each other know how much you appreciate each other. You may already know but hearing it from each other is always better.

BEST FRIENDS
Be best friends preferably before being boyfriend-girlfriend. Take time to know each other so the relationship will be a deep one. Tell each other about your crushes, dreams and problems. Make sure he/she is your best friend before getting engaged. The strong bond of friendship will help you both survive tough times.

BOND
Make it a point to spend time together often but leave room for each other. Also spend time alone w/ each other, so that at the end of the day you could both share your experiences. This way, you stay interesting with your partner.

COMPLIMENTS
Always compliment each other. This will prevent feelings of resentment & thinking that one is being taken for granted.

DATE
Keep doings things that you both enjoy, do them together. Make time & continue to date to keep the romance - look good, smell good to maintain physical attraction

DIFFERENCES
Celebrate differences. Never force your ideologies down each other's throat. Give up trying to turn your partner into you. Accept differences, appreciate them.

FIGHTS
Fight w/the aim to resolve the issue. Don't outdo each other. The longer you extend the fight. The more chances that you'll say something hurtful that you don't really mean. As mad as you were w/ your partner, he/she is still the person who laughs at your jokes & thinks you're hot. Hear each other out, don't dig up old issues. Choose your battles. Make sure the fight will be worth it & that something will change in the relationship as a result of the fight.

FLAWS
Know that the perfect person does not exist. Know that just as there are things that you love about him/her, there will be things that will make you go crazy. We are only human with our own flaws.

FUN
Have fun together! This means keeping the fun & spontaneity that was there in the early days. Allow yourselves to get silly - shower together. Being able to make each other laugh & see the lighter, crazier, absurd side is the best way to get through all the differences in personalities, adjustments in lifestyle & opposing viewpoints.

GOALS
Make sure you have similar goals. It would be difficult to keep your bond intact if your views are complete opposite.

GRUDGES
Quit tabulating grudges. Let it off. Discuss it, then trash it, don't recycle it.

KEEPING IT HOT
Keep it hot by traveling to different places together. A new setting will do wonders. Always have skin contact - be it holding hands, a massage or just plain leg rubbing.

HONESTY
Don't lie or hide things. The problem will only get bigger.

KNOW EACH OTHER
Learn each other's interest. It really keeps the conversation flowing!

HUG
A hug can be far better more intimate than a kiss.

IDENTITY
Don't lose your personality - that's why he / she fell in love w/you. Have separate interest & activities to keep your individual, & to be able to contribute more to the relationship.

INDEPENDENCE
Having your own income means you're the boss in your life.

IN-LAWS
Make rooms for the in-laws.

INTENTIONS
Wish each other well. Don't wish each other worst

ISSUES
Speak up about the awkward stuff now, like money & sex. The earlier, the better.

LISTEN
Listen, listen, listen. Hear each other out especially during arguments.

LOOK GOOD
Mind your appearance! Stay fit & healthy for each other.

LOVE
It all boils down to your love, chemistry & respect for each other.

MEMORIES
Remind each other of the old days. Do something that you used to do for each other before. It may even be corny but it made you two together. Experience new things together- from dining into a new restaurant to experiencing street food together to exploring to new places. It's the little surprises that make great memories.

MIND READING
No matter how long you've been together, do not think that you can read each other's mind.

NEEDS
Be good to yourself, then be good to your partner. That's what love is all about. Think about your partner. Will it make him/her happy? Will she/he enjoy it? Consider each other's feelings. Be very attentive & sensitive to each other's needs, physically & emotionally, that way your partner learns to do the same for you. Never take your partner for granted.

PRIORITIES
If one says it's important, then it is! Prioritize each other among other things!

SPACE
Give each other space. Have dates with your girlfriends, have your boy's night out. If you can't trust each other with this, then don't get married.

SORRY
Say sorry when you're wrong.

SURPRISES
No matter how long you've known each other, be open to surprises, both good or bad.

TEAMWORK
Think for two & always work as a team. Consult each other before making a decision because everything will always affect both of you. Strengthen couple power. In many ways, we have to decide based on what is best for the relationship in favor of our individual selves.

SUPPORT
Support each other's dream. Be willing to follow your passions, support your partner in his/her decisions & create new ones together. Two heads are better than one.

TALK
Tell each other's stories. Life goes by so fast & its easy to see how easily couple can grow apart. Whenever something funny, scary, exciting or juicy happened to you or to someone you know, tell each other about it & have your partner do the same. Keep each other in the loop of life

Posted by: "Shabbar Suterwala" leadersworkshop@yahoo.com
leadersworkshop (http://profiles.yahoo.com/leadersworkshop)

Top 20 Qualities of Smart People (Mar 2007)

Posted by: "Oscar Murphy Int'l" lucydoss@yahoo.com.sg lucydoss
Fri Mar 16, 2007 6:50 pm (PST)

In today’s competitive world, it pays to be smart. No matter how smart you are, I am sure there is something you could “get smarter” about. Below are some qualities of smart people. As you read the list, ask yourself: Am I as smart as I could be in this area? How could I get smarter?

1. Make Decisions Intuitively

Smart people listen to and follow their intuition. They know how intuitions and insights come to them and are tuned-in internally to make wise decisions.

2. Are Self-Aware

Smart people are aware of who they are--- strengths, weaknesses, personality, values, etc. As Confucious once said, “He who knows others is wise, he who knows himself is enlightened,” they know that the most important (and interesting) thing to know about is “self.”

3. Use Active Reflection

Smart people reflect on and learn from past experiences, finding out what works and what doesn’t, and then adjusts their course of action as needed. They think about things before jumping in, and also take the time after-the-fact to actively reflect to fully understand what happened or didn’t happen.

4. Think Out-of-Box

Smart people can easily entertain new ideas, thoughts, and ways of doing things. They crave progressive and forward thinking information, concepts, and people. They often come up with new and radical ideas on a regular basis.

5. Have An Open-Mind

Smart people are open to different perspectives and see potential where most people don’t. They would agree with what the quote, “A mind is like a parachute, it only functions when it is open.” They are comfortable with paradoxes and can relate to many sides of an issue or opinion.

6. Are Responsive

Smart people recognize and respond quickly to opportunities and people. They act and react fast, and take care of what needs to be taken care-of, well ahead of schedule.

7. Are Resourceful

Smart people don’t have to know it all, but they do know where to go to get whatever information, resources, training, education that they need. They are well-networked and have people to call on for resource referrals.

8. Question Authority

Smart people think for themselves. They do not blindly believe things so-called “experts” say, in fact, they ask deep questions to discover their own truth.

9. Upgrade Their Brain

Smart people stay smart because they are committed to being a lifelong learner. They continuously learn new things, and stay current with their skills, attitudes, and beliefs.

10. Have a Sense of Humor

Smart people do not take themselves or life too seriously. They recognize the importance of finding the fun in the irony and the comedy of everyday life.

11. Take Risks

Smart people are willing to try out new things, knowing that if it doesn’t work out as intended, failure is often cleverly disguised as a learning opportunity. They “swing out there” often, and it usually pays off.

12. Trust Themselves

Smart people believe and trust themselves first and foremost. They don’t have to check with others to make decisions, they instinctively know what is right for them and they go for it!

13. Write and List Things on Paper

Smart people have a well-developed life strategy that includes a written life vision/mission, purpose, and goals statement. They also write lists---one for “have to’s” and one for “want to’s.”

14. Are Productive

Smart people get things done, through whatever organizational/time management system that works for them. They make the most of each day and take action on important life tasks each and everyday.

15. Use Discernment

Smart people are able to discern (see clearly) other’s reasons and motives, so they selectively choose who and what to align themselves with. They surround themselves with only the highest quality people, programs, and places.

16. Read, Read, Read

Smart people tap into the collective brain power of others by reading books, magazines, articles---anything that is helpful for their own development. They are also able to filter out the information that fits for them and let the rest go.

17. Value Learning

Smart people value the process of learning for learning’s sake. They do not just learn for a specific end---to get a certificate, degree, title, etc. They learn because it is intrinsically rewarding for them.

18. Teach Others

Smart people are the teachers of the world, who share their knowledge with other people. They put themselves out there so the rest of us can benefit, and in exchange, their own learning grows and develops because they are actively talking about, researching, and understanding their subject.

19. Reinvent Themselves

Smart people do not like to stay the same, they love to grow and develop. They often play with their image, brand, company name, and expand or change it entirely. To stay ahead of the game, they often reinvent themselves time and time again.

20. Are Students of Life

Smart people not only know about specific subjects and topics, but also about what it means to be a human being at this time in our evolution. They are insatiably curious and want to know more about becoming bigger and brighter, as a result they naturally evolve.

As Lao Tzu said, "To gain knowledge, add things everyday. To gain wisdom, remove things everyday.” This is so true, our brain is like a computer and in order for it to function at a higher level, we must always be adding, while simultaneously taking away information that no longer serves us. Think about it, what do you want to remove from your database? And, what new software program will you replace it with?

11 Effective Quotations on Leaders vs Managers – Warren Bennis (Feb 2007)

1. Leaders do the right things; Managers do things right.

2. Leaders focus on people; Managers focus on systems.

3. Leaders ask what and why; Managers ask how and when.

4. Leaders innovate; Managers administer. (Y)

5. Leaders develop; Managers maintain. (Y)

6. Leaders inspire trust; Managers rely on control. (Y)

7. Leaders have a longer-term perspective; Managers have a short-term perspective. (Y)

8. Leaders originate; Managers imitate. (Y)

9. Leaders have an eye on the horizon; Managers have an eye on the bottom-line. (Y)

10. Leaders are their own person; Managers emulate the classic good soldier. (Y)

11) Leaders challenge the status-quo; Managers accept the status-quo. (Y)

Seven Qualities of Master Achievers by Brian Tracy (Jan 2007)

If you think the way successful people think and adopt their success habits, you too can be successful. Here are seven qualities of the top 1% of successful people:
C: They are Courageous.
L: They are continuous Learners.
A: They are Ambitious.
P: They are Professional.
P: They are Prepared.
E: They are Committed / Excited
R: They are Responsible.

1) They are Ambitious.
They see themselves capable of being the best. They see themselves with the capacity of being really good at what they do. This was a really big thought for me. It held me back for many years. When I saw people who were doing better than I was, I naturally assumed they were better than I was. And if they were better than I was, then I must be worse than them, so that would mean they were superior and I was inferior. That is a big problem in our society. We have feelings of inferiority, and these feelings of inferiority are often translated into feelings of undeservedness. We don't feel we deserve to be a big success. The word "deserve" comes from two Latin words meaning "from service." You deserve 100% of everything you make and enjoy as long as you get it from serving other people. Your rewards are in direct proportion to your service. If you serve better and serve more and serve at a higher level and serve more enthusiastically and serve a higher quality, then you'll have a wonderful income you'll deserve every penny of it. You must see yourself capable of being the best.

2) They are Courageous.
They work to confront the fears that holds most people back. The two biggest enemies to yours and my success is fear and doubt. Eliminating fear and doubt is the key. The key to eliminating fear: If you want to develop courage, then simply act courageously when it's called for. When you do something repeatedly, you develop a habit. Make a habit throughout your life of doing the things you fear. If you do the thing you fear, the death of fear is certain. To overcome fear of rejection in prospecting, you must realize that rejection in selling is not personal. Top salespeople do not fear prospecting. Face your fear. Do the things you fear. The ability to confront your fear is the mark of the superior person. If you have high ambition and you decide to be in the top 10%, and you can confront your fears and do the things that are holding you back, those two things alone will make you a great success.

3) They are Committed.
The top people in every field, especially the top salespeople, are completely committed. They believe in themselves; they believe in their companies; they believe in their products and services; they believe in their customers; they have an intense belief. We know that there is a one-to-one relationship between the depth of your belief and what happens in your reality. And if you absolutely believe in the rightness and the goodness of what you're doing, you become like a catalyst. You create what is called a transfer, like an electrical transfer of enthusiasm. People like to buy from people who truly believe in what they are doing. People who are not committed to what they do lead very empty lives. The second part is that caring is the critical element in modern selling. Caring is a critical element in life, as well. All men and women who enjoy great lives care about what they do! They have passion about what they do. They love what they do.

4) They are Professional.
Top salespeople see themselves as consultants rather than as salespeople. When you think of the word "consultant," what words come to mind? When do you call a consultant? A consultant is a problem-solver. What word does not appear when you think of a consultant--the word "salesperson". We don't think of consultants as salespeople. The most successful consultants in America are the very best salespeople of their services. When a person is positioned as a consultant in the mind and heart of the customer, he is not seen as a salesperson. Do people like to be sold? Do people like to be helped to improve their lives and work? So they look upon a salesperson as someone who sells them. Selling is something you do "to" someone, and people don't like to be done "to". So when you think of being a consultant, here is the key. How do you position yourself as a consultant with your customers? Of course, you act like a consultant, but even before you get the chance to act like a consultant, you build a rapport. And the most simple answer of all, and this is the most profound principle: People accept you at your own evaluation of yourself. Consultants come in and have a cup of coffee. Salespeople wait in the waiting room and have a glass of water. If you say you're a consultant, your customer will accept you as a consultant. >From now on, position yourself as a consultant. Think of yourself as a consultant. Remember, 80% of what you accomplish on the outside is determined by who you are on the inside. How you see yourself determines how the customer responds to you. The customer's perception of you determines how much they buy and how much they recommend you to other customers.

5) They are Prepared.
They review every detail in advance. To be in the top 10% requires additional efforts. It requires doing things that the average person is not willing to do. It requires making sacrifices the average person is not willing to make. It requires reviewing every detail of every call or situation before every business meeting. But the difference it makes is extraordinary. Before you go into a meeting, do your homework. Successful people are more concerned about pleasing results than they are about pleasing methods. When you sit down with a client, there is nothing more complimentary to a client than the feeling that you have prepared for the meeting.

6) They are Continuous Learners.
They recognize that if they're not continually getting better, they're getting worse. They read, they listen to CDs and they take additional training. The professional never stops learning. So read, listen to CDs, take continuous training.

7) They are Responsible.
They see themselves as President of their own personal services corporation. The top people in our society have an attitude of self-employed. 100% of us are self-employed. We are presidents of our own personal services corporation. You work for yourself. The biggest mistake we can ever make is to think we work for anyone else. We work for ourselves. The person who signs our paycheck may change; our jobs may change, but we are always the same. We are the one constant--we are always self-employed. The fact of the matter is -- this is not optional, it is mandatory -- you are the president of your own company, you're the president of your own career, your own life, your own finances, your own body, your own family, your own health. You are totally responsible. We are responsible. No one will ever do it for us. It's the most liberating and exhilarating thought of all, to think that you're the president of your own life.

7 Secrets of Top Performers (Dec 2006)

Lets put to rest the fallacy that success, in sales or any profession, is due to luck, chance, and/or hard work. There is nothing further from the truth. Think about it, you and I both know people who work incredibly hard, putting in long hours, they may even have two jobs, but they are not consistently (if ever) successful. Hard work certainly contributes to success, but hard work alone will not make you top-flight in your industry. Is success due, then, to luck or chance?

After years of study, in a multitude of industries, I have come to the conclusion that success is an absolute science. In other words, there are exact principles of thought and action that all top performers universally and consistently exhibit. Let's examine seven of these principles more closely:

1. High achievers know exactly what they want.
I was recently working with top sales professionals on a seven-city tour of Canada. In these seminars, I invariably asked people what they wanted to achieve in the upcoming year. Many people had a vague idea of what they wanted (or what they thought they could achieve); and even more knew what they didn't want; but the high performers knew in measurable terms, what they wanted to accomplish in every area of their life. Without a doubt, this type of clarity and focus is power!

2. Top performers visualize themselves in possession of their desired results.
I have interviewed thousands of the worlds most successful and without fail they see themselves winning every single day. Whether in business or athletics: Jack Nicholas in golf, Michael Jordan in basketball, the million-dollar sales producer I spoke with last week, they all have this in common. Visualizing is the key to realizing!

3. Highly successful have an unbending belief in themselves and their abilities.
Winners believe they will win in advance, and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. A common mistake among would-be achievers is the notion that ''if I become more skilled in my profession I will succeed.'' Yet how many highly skilled people do you know that are not profiting every single day? Often two people go through the same training course and acquire the same skills -- yet one becomes a huge success and one accomplishes nothing. The answer lies in the individuals belief system and the unshakable conviction that he or she will win.

4. Achievers take action ''as if'' they were already in possession of the goal they desire. High achievers think, work, talk, play, and take action like the person they want to become. This means turning away from current results and focusing, believing, and acting ''as if'' you were already there. Understand that your current results are the direct outcomes of the past. The past does not equal the future.

5. Winners take full responsibility for their own destiny.
Winners get results! Results are not equal to no-results-and-a-good-story. Many sales professionals are better at making excuses than they are at making money. ''It's the economy, it's the location, my prices are too high.'' You can always come up with a good story, but winners hold themselves accountable. Only when you take accountability for everything in your life can you be responsible to change anything.

6. Top performers build high-leveraged partnerships.
No one in today's world can make it alone. There is just too much to learn and things are changing too rapidly. High achievers always spend time with other high achievers. Like attracts like. They attend the same events, eat at the same restaurants, join the same churches and clubs. Your business and social environment is more important than your heredity, choose your relationships and partnerships wisely.

7. Great achievers are great givers.
Achievers ask: "How can I provide more value? How can I give to others, to my teammates, employees, clients. What can I do to make it better?" Winners always give 10 times more value than they ask for in return. Success happens according to universal laws and timeless principles. Understand and utilize them and you will win. It works for everyone....every time.

James Arthur Ray of James Ray International is an expert in teaching individuals how to achieve Harmonic Wealth? in all areas of their life by focusing on what they want, opposed to what they don't want. He has been speaking to individuals as well as Fortune 500 companies for over 20 years and is the author of four books and an inventor of numerous learning systems. His studies of highly successful people prove that they continually achieve results by taking control of their thoughts and actions to create and shape their own reality.

Nine Things More Important than Capital by Jim Rohn (Nov 2006)

When starting any enterprise or business, whether it is full-time or part-time, we all know the value of having plenty of capital (money). But I bet we both know or at least have heard of people who started with no capital who went on to make fortunes. How, you may ask?

Well, I believe there are actually some things that are more valuable than capital that can lead to your entrepreneurial success. Let me give you the list.

1. Time
Time is more valuable than capital. The time you set aside not to be wasted, not to be given away. Time you set aside to be invested in an enterprise that brings value to the marketplace with the hope of making a profit. Now we have capital time.

How valuable is time? Time properly invested is worth a fortune. Time wasted can be devastation. Time invested can perform miracles, so you invest your time.

2. Desperation
I have a friend Lydia, whose first major investment in her new enterprise was desperation. She said, "My kids are hungry, I gotta make this work. If this doesn't work, what will I do?" So she invested $1 in her enterprise selling a product she believed in. The $1 was to buy a few fliers so she could make a sale at retail, collect the money and then buy the product wholesale to deliver back to the customer.

My friend Bill Bailey went to Chicago as a teenager after he got out of high school. And the first job he got was as a night janitor. Someone said, "Bill, why would you settle for night janitor?" He said, "Malnutrition." You work at whatever you can possibly get when you get hungry. You go to work somewhere -- night janitor, it doesn't matter where it is. Years later, now Bill is a recipient of the Horatio Alger award, rich and powerful and one of the great examples of lifestyle that I know. But, his first job -- night janitor. Desperation can be a powerful incentive. When you say - I must.

3. Determination
Determination says I will. First Lydia said, "I must find a customer." Desperation. Second, she said, "I will find someone before this first day is over." Sure enough, she found someone. She said, "If it works once, it will work again." But then the next person said, "No." Now what must you invest?

4. Courage
Courage is more valuable than capital. If you've only got $1 and a lot of courage, I'm telling you, you've got a good future ahead of you. Courage in spite of the circumstances. Humans can do the most incredible things no matter what happens. Haven't we heard the stories? There are some recent ones from Kosovo that are some of the most classic, unbelievable stories of being in the depths of hell and finally making it out. It's humans. You can't sell humans short. Courage in spite of, not because of, but in spite of. Now once Lydia has made 3 or 4 sales and gotten going, here's what now takes over.

5. Ambition
"Wow! If I can sell 3, I can sell 33. If I can sell 33, I can sell 103." Wow. Lydia is now dazzled by her own dreams of the future.

6. Faith
Now she begins to believe she's got a good product. This is probably a good company. And she then starts to believe in herself. Lydia, single mother, 2 kids, no job. "My gosh, I'm going to pull it off!" Her self-esteem starts to soar. These are investments that are unmatched. Money can't touch it. What if you had a million dollars and no faith? You'd be poor. You wouldn't be rich. Now here is the next one, the reason why she's a millionaire today.

7. Ingenuity
Putting your brains to work. Probably up until now, you've put about 1/10 of your brainpower to work. What if you employed the other 9/10? You can't believe what can happen. Humans can come up with the most intriguing things to do. Ingenuity. What's ingenuity worth? A fortune. It is more valuable than money. All you need is a $1 and plenty of ingenuity. Figuring out a way to make it work, make it work, make it work.

8. Heart and Soul
What is a substitute for heart and soul? It's not money. Money can't buy heart and soul. Heart and soul is more valuable than a million dollars. A million dollars without heart and soul, you have no life. You are ineffective. But, heart and soul is like the unseen magic that moves people, moves people to buy, moves people to make decisions, moves people to act, moves people to respond.

9. Personality
You've just got to spruce up and sharpen up your own personality. You've got plenty of personality. Just get it developed to where it is effective every day, it's effective no matter who you talk to - whether it is a child or whether it is a business person - whether it is a rich person or a poor person. A unique personality that is at home anywhere. One of my mentors, Bill Bailey, taught me, "You've got to learn to be just as comfortable, Mr. Rohn, whether it is in a little shack in Kentucky having a beer and watching the fights with Winfred, my old friend or in a Georgian mansion in Washington, DC as the Senator's guest." Move with ease whether it is with the rich or whether it is with the poor. And it makes no difference to you who is rich or who is poor. A chance to have a unique relationship with whomever. The kind of personality that's comfortable. The kind of personality that's not bent out of shape.

And lastly, let's not forget charisma and sophistication. Charisma with a touch of humility. This entire list is more valuable than money. With one dollar and the list I just gave you, the world is yours. It belongs to you, whatever piece of it you desire whatever development you wish for your life. I've given you the secret. Capital. The kind of capital that is more valuable than money and that can secure your future and fortune. Remember that you lack not the resources.

To Your Success, Jim Rohn.

What Does Your Name Mean (Oct 2006)

For Example: ALI
A == You can be very quiet when you have something on your mind.
L == Love is something you deeply believe in.
I == are always smiling and making others smile.

A -- You can be very quiet when you have something on your mind.
B -- You are always cautious when it comes to meeting new people.
C -- You definitely have a partier side in you, don't be shy to show it.
D -- You have trouble trusting people.
E -- You are a very exciting person.
F -- Everyone loves you.
G -- You have excellent ways of viewing people.
H -- You are not judgmental.
I -- You are always smiling and making others smile.
J —- Jealously
K -- You like to try new things.
L -- Love is something you deeply believe in.
M -- Success comes easily to you.
N -- You like to work, but you always want a break.
O -- You are very open-minded.
P -- You are very friendly and understanding.
Q -- You are a hypocrite.
R -- You are a social butterfly.
S -- You are very broad-minded.
T -- You have an attitude, a big one.
U -- You feel like you have to equal up to people's standards.
V -- You have a very good physique and looks.
W -- You like privacy.
X -- You never let people tell you what to do.
Y -- You cause a lot of trouble.
Z -- You're always fighting with someone.

5 Steps to Raising Optimistic Children (Sep 2006)

By Dr. Tony Fiore
2005 © All rights reserved.

I had just completed a session with 17-year old Julie who suffered from severe depression. Julie believed she was a total failure and would never be able to change anything in her life. Julie also felt all her shortcomings were her own fault. Where, I ask myself, did such a young person acquire this negative and fatalistic thinking?

The answer soon became apparent when I invited her parents into the session. They began discussing numerous life events and explaining them in ways that their children were learning. The car, for example, got dented because you can't trust anybody these days; Mom yelled at brother because she was in a bad mood; you can't get ahead in this world unless you know somebody, etc.

As a parent, your own thinking style is always on display and your children are listening intently!

The Importance of Optimism
Why should you want your child to be an optimist? Because, as Dr. Martin Seligman explains: "Pessimism (the opposite of optimism) is an entrenched habit of mind that has sweeping and disastrous consequences: depressed mood, resignation, underachievement and even unexpectedly poor physical health."

Children with optimistic thinking skills are better able to interpret failure, have a stronger sense of personal mastery and are better able to bounce back when things go wrong in their lives.

Because parents are a major contributor to the thinking styles of their children's developing minds, it is important to adhere to the following five steps to ensure healthy mental habits in your children.
How Parents Can Help

Step 1: Learn to think optimistically yourself. What children see and hear indirectly from you as you lead your life and interact with others influences them much more than what you try to 'teach' them.

You can model optimism for your child by incorporating optimistic mental skills into your own way of thinking. This is not easy and does not occur over night. But with practice, almost everyone can learn to think differently about life's events - even parents!

Step 2: Teach your child that there is a connection between how they think and how they feel. You can do this most easily by saying aloud how your own thoughts about adversity create negative feelings in you.

For example, if you are driving your child to school and a driver cuts you off, verbalize the link between your thoughts and feelings by saying something like "I wonder why I'm feeling so angry; I guess I was saying to myself: 'Now I'm going to be late because the guy in front of me is going so darn slow. If he is going to drive like that he shouldn't drive during rush hour. How rude.'"

Step 3: Create a game called 'thought catching.' This helps your child learn to identify the thoughts that flit across his or her mind at the times they feel worst. These thoughts, although barely noticeable, greatly affect mood and behavior.

For instance, if your child received a poor grade, ask: "When you got your grade, what did you say to yourself?"

Step 4: Teach your child how to evaluate automatic thoughts. This means acknowledging that they things you say to yourself are not necessarily accurate.

For instance, after receiving the poor grade your child may be telling himself he is a failure, he is not as smart as other kids; he will never be able to succeed in school, etc. Many of these self-statements may not be accurate, but they are 'automatic' in that situation.

Step 5: Instruct your child on how to generate more accurate explanations (to themselves) when bad things happen and use them to challenge your child's automatic but inaccurate thoughts. Part of this process involves looking for evidence to the contrary (good grades in the past, success in other life areas, etc).

Another skill to teach your child to help him or her think optimistically is to 'decatastrophize' the situation - that is - help your child see that the bad event may not be as bad or will not have the adverse consequences imagined. Few things in life are as devastating as we fear, yet we blow them up in our minds.

Parents can influence the thinking styles of their children by modeling the principals of optimistic thinking.

About the Author: Dr. Tony Fiore (http://www.angercoach.com) is a So. California licensed psychologist, and anger management trainer. His company, The Anger Coach, provides anger and stress management programs, training and products to individuals, couples, and the workplace. Sign up for his free monthly newsletter "Taming the Anger Bee" at http://www.angercoach.com.

4 Quick Child Raising Tips (Sep 2006)

These 4 quick tips have been proven time and again to work and can make your burden as a parent easier. Do not view these ideas as an obligation. Rather use them as you see fit to make your job of raising your child easier.

1- The Tantrum Technique: The next time your child throws a tantrum, remove all the breakable objects in the area or else escort your child to a place that you have made tantrum proof. Once your child is there, encourage him to continue his tantrum. After a few times doing this many children stop throwing tantrums.

2- Dealing with Disrespect: The next time your child speaks disrespectfully, give him a hug and a kiss and say that you love him very much.

The reason these two techniques work is that many times children act out in order to irritate their parents. This gives them a feeling of control. By showing that this behaviour doesn’t bother you, it takes away a lot of the incentive for your child to act this way. However, when you employ these techniques you have to do them in such a way that that it comes across that their behaviour really doesn’t bother you. Make sure that you execute them light-heartedly and with happiness. Your child should not detect any spitefulness from you.

3- The Power of the Unexpected: Do unexpected favours for you child every so often. Bring them home a small unexpected gift and say you were thinking of him. Surprise your child with a yes answer when he is expecting no. Children have great appreciation for a kindness that they did not anticipate. (This works great with your spouse, also.)

4- Since You are Doing it Anyway: If you are going shopping anyway, take one of your children along and use this as an opportunity to do something together. Since you are cooking or doing the dishes anyway use the opportunity to have a conversation with your child. There are many opportunities during the day where you have to do things. Transform these anyway times into an opportunity to be close with your child.

10 Ways to Get Your Kids to Talk to You (Sep 06)

By Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC

Parents can often be frustrated by their kids’ unwillingness to share their lives with them. Whether your kids are toddlers or teens, there will be times when it’s difficult to “break through” and find out what‘s really going on. Here are ten ideas on how to create opportunities for your kids to open up and share their lives with you.

1. Don't try so hard to get them to talk
The harder you try to get them to talk, the more they'll resist you. When you relax the pressure a bit, they’ll sense it, and be more ready to talk.

2. Slow down your own life and be available
Kids have a keen sense of how busy you are. If you're providing enough down time for you and your kids, they'll be more likely to feel comfortable talking to you.

3. Engage in a physical activity that they enjoy
Some kids are more comfortable when they’re moving. Shooting baskets, playing soccer, or a game of catch may have your child chattering away. Moving the body can serve to move the mouth as well!

4. Be as non-judgmental as possible
If your kids feel they won't be judged when they talk to you, they'll have no reason to hold back. Have a sense of curiosity and wonder about what they’re saying, and limit the lectures about what’s right or wrong.

5. Use open-ended questions
Questions that begin with "why" tend to create defensiveness, and yes or no questions won't get much of a response. Learn to use questions that stimulate conversation. “What did you notice about that picture?” works better than, “Did you like that picture?”

6. Use the car as a place for conversation
You've got them and they can't get out! Don't allow video games or music to interfere with your opportunity to talk with them.

7. Reflect back what you hear from them
It's still the best way for your kids to feel heard, and the best way to encourage them to expand on the subject.

8. Talk to them while they're coloring, painting, or drawing
Using these activities to allow your kids to express themselves can help them communicate to you as well. And joining in on the activity yourself can produce an even greater sense of connection and sharing.

9. Provide opportunities for fun and excitement
When your kids are doing something they love to do, they'll want to share it with you. Provide these for your kids, and listen to them talk about it afterward!

10. Be a parent, but be a friend as well
While you must be a parent first, being a friend to your kids will help them to want to share with you. Don't overdo the strict parental stuff.

Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches busy parents by phone to balance their life and improve their family relationships. For a FREE twenty minute sample session by phone; ebooks, courses, articles, and a FREE newsletter, go to http://www.markbrandenburg.com or email him at mark@markbrandenburg.com.

Your beliefs, thoughts and dreams determine your destiny (Aug 2006)

Listen to what others say about your beliefs, thoughts and dreams:

Beliefs

Dreams know no boundaries. They just need belief

If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes (Mark 9:23)

You are what you are, where you are, because of what you put in your mind

Success is not what you think it is. It is what you believe it is. And most never believe

To accomplish great things, we must not only plan and act, but also dream and believe

Life is a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy; You Won't Necessarily Get What You Want ... But In the Long Run You Will Usually Get What You Expect

Thoughts

Our lives are defined by the thoughts we think and the choices we make

Influence your thoughts, then actions, then habits and finally your destiny

Positive thinking will let you do everything better than negative thinking will

The vicious cycle initiated and sustained through positive questions and thoughts

The virtuous cycle is initiated and sustained through positive questions and thoughts

An optimist sees an opportunity in every calamity; A pessimist see a calamity in every opportunity (Winston Churchill)

You are a living magnet. What you attract into your life is in harmony with our dominant thoughts

Each of us make our own weather, determine the colour of the skies in the emotional universe which he / she inhibits

Dreams

A goal is a dream with deadline (Napoleon Hill)

The difference between a dream and a great idea is persistence

All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them (Walt Disney)

10 Ways To Have More Responsible Children (Jul 2006)

We'd all like our kids to develop into responsible people. How can we help to ensure that our kids learn the lessons of responsibility? Here are some ideas:

1. Start them with tasks when they're young.
Young kids have a strong desire to help out, even as young as age 2. They can do a lot more than you think if you're patient and creative. This helps build confidence and enthusiasm for later tasks in their life.

2. Don't use rewards with your kids
If you want your kids to develop an intrinsic sense of responsibility, they need to learn the "big picture" value of the things they do. They won't learn that if they're focused on what they're going to "get."

3. Use natural consequences when they make mistakes.
If they keep losing their baseball glove somewhere, let them deal with the consequences. Maybe they have to ask to borrow one for the game. Maybe they have to buy a new one if it's lost. If you rescue them every time they screw up, they'll never learn responsibility.

4. Let them know when you see them being responsible.
Specifically point out what you like about their behavior. This will make it more likely to continue to happen.

5. Talk often about responsibility with your kids.
Make responsibility a family value, let them know it's important.

6. Model responsible behaviour for your kids.
This is where they'll learn it from. Take care of your stuff. Try to be on time. They're watching you very closely.

7. Give them an allowance early in their life.
Let them make their own money decisions from an early age. They'll learn their lessons in a hurry. Don't bail them out if they run out of money.

8. Have a strong, unfailing belief that your kids are responsible.
They'll pick up on this belief and they'll tend to rise to the level of expectation. And keep believing this even when they mess up!

9. Train them to be responsible.
Use role play and talk to them about exactly what kind of behavior you expect from them. It's hard for kids to be responsible when they don't know what it looks like.

10. Get some help and support for your parenting.
It's hard to know sometimes whether you're being too controlling or too permissive as a parent. Talk to other parents, read books, join parent support groups, whatever will help you feel like you're not alone.

Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches men to be better fathers and husbands. He is the author of "25 Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent Fathers" http://www.markbrandenburg.com/father.htm. Sign up for his FREE bi-weekly newsletter, "Dads, Don't Fix Your Kids," at http://www.markbrandenburg.com.

Developing Self-Esteem & Praising Children (Jun 2006)

High Self-Esteem Makes friends with other children easily.
 Shows enthusiasm for new activities.
 Is cooperative and can usually follow reasonable rules.
 Largely responsible for control of own actions.
 Is creative, imaginative and has ideas of his own.
 Is happy, energetic; talks freely.
 Is independent, self-assured.
 Displays achievement consistent with ability.

Low Self-Esteem May be reluctant to enter new situations or try new activities.
 May easily become frustrated, angry or break out in tears.
 May withdraw or become overly aggressive to parents or other children.
 May do most things alone or cling to one friend.
 May be possessive of objects and make excessive demands on adult's time.
 Behavior does not suggest he is a happy child.
 May be reluctant to enter into activities that involve close personal contact.
 Regularly achieves at lower levels than "ability."

1. Be specific in your praise.
Have you ever gotten tired of saying "Great job," or "That's neat!"? After a while, these stock phrases become overused and don't convey our enthusiasm very well. It is much better to focus on a specific thing you appreciate about the child's performance. For example, you might say "You worked hard to get that assignment done," or "Your writing is very neat!" Not only will your comments sound more sincere, you will help the child better understand what you appreciate about his or her performance.

2. Focus on effort rather than the product.
Rather than wait until Mark cleans his whole room, comment on how well he is progressing. For example, you might say "Mark, your room looks so much better since you've started hanging up your clothes."

3. Match your verbal and non-verbal messages of praise.A quick "That's great, Ann" as you start putting the dishes away is not likely to be interpreted as praise by a child. Children are more likely to believe your praise if you give them your undivided attention.

4. Praise in private.This tells a child "I'm special" without embarrassing the child. It also avoids competition with other children.

5. Be careful of exaggerations.
"You're the fastest runner in the whole world" may be offered with pride. But it is unlikely to be true. Saying "You ran faster today than you did yesterday" is both truthful and helpful.

6. Avoid comparing children.
"Jenny got her chores done the fastest" suggests that only Jenny did a good job. Instead you might say "I'm glad you all got your chores done quickly."

7. Avoid combining praise and constructive criticism.
If you notice a child has not been careful in folding his clothes, ask him to do a similar task another time. Before starting the task, show him how to neatly fold clothes and put them away.

8. Encourage children to be the final judge of their work.
By helping children decide for themselves if they achieved their goals, you will encourage them to think for themselves. This will also avoid making them dependent on others for praise. Feeling good about yourself is important to children. By focusing on what children do right, and by paying attention to how we praise children, we are more likely to promote positive self-esteem.

By Patricia Tanner Nelson, Ed.D.
Human Development Specialist

I Have Learned (1 Feb 2006)

I've learned... This was written by Andy Rooney, a man who has the gift of saying so much with so few words.

*I've learned....* That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

*I've learned....* That when you're in love, it shows.

*I've learned....* That just one person saying to me, "You've made my day!" makes my day.

*I've learned....* That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

*I've learned....* That being kind is more important than being right.

*I've learned....* That you should never say no to a gift from a child.

*I've learned....* That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way.

*I've learned....* That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

*I've learned....* That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.

*I've learned....* That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.

*I've learned....* That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

*I've learned....* That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.

*I've learned....* That money doesn't buy class.

*I've learned....* That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

*I've learned...* That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

*I've learned....* That the Lord didn't do it all in one day. What makes me think I can?

*I've learned....* That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

*I've learned....* That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

*I've learned....* That love, not time, heals all wounds.

*I've learned....* That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

*I've learned....* That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.

*I've learned....* That there's nothing sweeter than sleeping with your babies and feeling their breath on your cheeks.

*I've learned....* That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

*I've learned....* That life is tough, but I'm tougher.

*I've learned....* That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.

*I've learned....* That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

*I've learned....* That I wish I could have told my Dad that I love him one more time before he passed away.

*I've learned....* That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

*I've learned....* That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

*I've learned....* That I can't choose how I feel, but I can choose what I do about it.

*I've learned....* That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.

*I've learned....* That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

*I've learned ...* That it is best to give advice in only two circumstances; when it is requested and when it is a life threatening situation.

*I've learned....* That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

Souls In A Process Of Evolution (1 Feb 2006)

We are all souls in a process of evolution. We are all controlled by our ignorance and fear, which cause us to function in less than perfect ways. Thus, it is logical to accept and love ourselves and others even though we are not perfect and make mistakes.
This can be understood more clearly through some examples.

Two Broken Legs

If we know someone who has two broken legs and for this reason is unable to carry out his or her responsibilities or be very productive or creative, we automatically understand that they cannot do any more, because they have two broken legs.

What we fail to understand is that many of people who we perceive as lazy, irresponsible or negative and even immoral have in fact two of their "emotional legs" broken. They have seriously impaired emotional legs of "inner security" and feelings of "self-worth".

Their insecurity and feelings of self-doubt cause them to behave in negative ways. We, too, might be such persons who have had their inner strength handicapped by negative childhood experiences. Thus we would do well to understand and love ourselves and others even when we are not able to be who we would like to be.

Accepting ourselves does not mean that we do not recognize and admit our mistakes and weakness and seek to improve ourselves and free ourselves from those obstacles so that we can manifest our inner potential on all levels. Also, accepting others does not mean that we do not assertively explain to them the types of behavior that we need from them.

Half-Finished Paintings

An incomplete painting is not yet in its perfected form. It is in the process of being perfected, of being completed. We know that it is not completed because consciously or subconsciously we know that it can be much more than it presently is. But we do not reject the painting because it is not yet what it will be. We do not say that it is wrong or unacceptable. We simply perceive it as incomplete and we attend to the process of completing it.

Let us then imagine that our and others' personalities are half-finished paintings. Let us perceive the general state of the society and world around as a painting in progress.

Yes, there are many weaknesses, faults and aspects to be improved in those paintings. But they are what they can and should be for their incomplete stage. A painting must pass through a series of stages until it is finally completed. Each of these stages is a perfect part of that process of completion. No stage could be skipped or avoided.

Thus, we and those around us are "perfect" at every stage of that process of completion. We and everything around us is at a stage in the process of perfection. Even our imperfections are a perfect temporary part of our movement towards perfection.

When we perceive ourselves and others as unfinished paintings, we will have patience and understanding for our mutual weaknesses and faults. We will perceive them as parts of our being which need to be worked on in the process of manifesting our perfect being, which is waiting latent within us to become a reality.

The same of course holds for those around us who are in a process of perfecting their unfinished paintings.

The Bud And The Flower

A flower bud does not yet manifest its latent beauty. Yet we do not reject, criticize or condemn it. We realize that it is in a process and that it is what it needs to be now in order to become the flower which it is destined to be. We accept it is as it is and wait patiently for its blossoming.

In the same way we need to perceive ourselves and others as:

1. Paintings in the process of completing ourselves.
2. Buds becoming flowers
3. Souls in the process of evolution.

We all deserve love and respect exactly as we are.

Our life purpose, however, is to attend to the process of evolution and self-perfection until we blossom into the magnificent and totally conscientious and loving beings that we are destined to be. If we care for our bodies and minds, they will care for us. Be Well.

Nails In The Fence (Jun 2006)

There once was a little girl who had a bad temper. Her mother gave her a bag of nails and told her that every time she lost her temper, she must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.

The first day the girl had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as she learned to control her anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. She discovered it was easier to hold her temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

Finally, the day came when the girl didn't lose her temper at all. She told her mother about it and the mother suggested that the girl now pull out one nail for each day that she was able to hold her temper. The days passed and the young girl was finally able to tell her mother that all the nails were gone.

The mother took her daughter by the hand and led her to the fence. She said, "You have done well, my daughter, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a person and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there. “

A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one. Friends are very rare jewels, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share words of praise and they always want to open their hearts to us.

Wishes of 3 Trees (May 2006)

Once there were three trees on a hill in the woods. They were discussing their hopes and dreams when the first tree said, "Someday I hope to be a treasure chest. I could be filled with gold, silver and precious gems. I could be decorated with intricate carving and everyone would see the beauty."

Then the second tree said, "Someday I will be a mighty ship. I will take kings and queens across the waters and sail to the corners of the world. Everyone will feel safe in me because of the strength of my hull."

Finally the third tree said, "I want to grow to be the tallest and straightest tree in the forest. People will see me on top of the hill and look up to my branches, and think of the heavens and God and how close to them I am reaching. I will be the greatest tree of all time and people will always remember me."

After a few years of praying that their dreams would come true, a group of woodsmen came upon the trees. When one came to the first tree he said, "This looks like a strong tree, I think I should be able to sell the wood to a carpenter" ... and he began cutting it down. The tree was happy, because he knew that the carpenter would make him into a treasure chest.

At the second tree a woodsman said, "This looks like a strong tree, I should be able to sell it to the shipyard." The second tree was happy because he knew he was on his way to becoming a mighty ship.

When the woodsmen came upon the third tree, the tree was frightened because he knew that if they cut him down his dreams would not come true. One of the woodsmen said, "I don't need anything special from my tree so I'll take this one", and he cut it down.

When the first tree arrived at the carpenters, he was made into a feed box for animals. He was then placed in a barn and filled with hay. This was not at all what he had prayed for. The second tree was cut and made into a small fishing boat. His dreams of being a mighty ship and carrying kings had come to an end. The third tree was cut into large pieces and left alone in the dark.

The years went by, and the trees forgot about their dreams. Then one day, a man and woman came to the barn. She gave birth and they placed the baby in the hay in the feed box that was made from the first tree. The man wished that he could have made a crib for the baby, but this manger would have to do. The tree could feel the importance of this event and knew that it had held the greatest treasure of all time.

Years later, a group of men got in the fishing boat made from the second tree. One of them was tired and went to sleep. While they were out on the water, a great storm arose and the tree didn't think it was strong enough to keep the men safe. The men woke the sleeping man, and he stood and said "Peace" and the storm stopped. At this time, the tree knew that it had carried the King of Kings in its boat.

Finally, someone came and got the third tree. It was carried through the streets as the people mocked the man who was carrying it. When they came to a stop, the man was nailed to the tree and raised in the air to die at the top of a hill. When Sunday came, the tree came to realize that it was strong enough to stand at the top of the hill and be as close to God as was possible, because Jesus had been crucified on it.

The moral of this story is that when things don't seem to be going your way, always know that God has a plan for you. If you place your trust in Him, He will give you great gifts. Each of the trees got what they wanted, just not in the way they had imagined. We don't always know what God's plans are for us. We just know that His ways are not our ways, but His ways are always best.

Life is an Echo (Apr 2006)

A son and his father were walking in the mountains. Suddenly,his son falls, hurts himself and screams: "AAAhhhhhhhhhhh!!!" To his surprise, hears the voice repeating, somewhere in the mountain: "AAAhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"

Curious, he yells: "Who are you?" He receives the answer: "Who are you?" Angered at the response, he screams: "Coward!" He receives the answer: "Coward!"

He looks to his father and asks: "What's going on?" The father smiles and says: "My son, pay attention." And then he screams to the mountain: "I admire you!" The voice answers: "I admire you!" Again the man screams: "You are a champion!" The voice answers: "You are a champion!"

The boy is surprised, but does not understand. Then the father explains: "People call this echo, but really this is life. It gives you back everything you say or do. Our life is simply a reflection of our actions.

If you want more love in the world, create more love in your heart. If you want more competence in your team, improve your competence. This relationship applies to everything,in all aspects of life; life will give you back everything you have given to it."

Author Unknown, Source Unknown

A Clever Dog (Mar 2006)

A Clever Dog (Mar 2006)

A butcher watching over his shop is really surprised when he saw a dog coming inside the shop. He shoos him away. But later, the dog is back again. So, he goes over to the dog and notices he has a note in his mouth. He takes the note and it reads "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please. The dog has money in his mouth, as well."

The butcher looks inside and, lo and behold, there is a ten dollar note there. So he takes the money and puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, placing it in the dog's mouth. The butcher is so impressed, and since it's about closing time, he decides to shut up shop and follow the dog.

So off he goes. The dog is walking down the street when he comes To a level crossing.
The dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the button. Then he waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to turn. They do, and he walks across the road, with the butcher following him all the way.

The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe at this stage. The dog checks out the times, and then sits on one of the seats provided. Along comes a bus. The dog walks around to the front, looks at the number, and goes back to his seat.

Another bus comes. Again the dog goes and looks at the number, notices it's the right bus, and climbs on. The butcher, by now, open-mouthed, follows him onto the bus.
The bus travels through the town and out into the suburbs, the dog Looking at the scenery. Eventually he gets up, and moves to the front of the bus. He stands on 2 back paws and pushes the button to stop the bus. Then he gets off, his groceries still in his mouth.

Well, dog and butcher are walking along the road, and then the dog turns into a house. He walks up the path, and drops the groceries on the step. Then he walks back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself against the door. He goes back down the path, runs up to the door and again, it throws himself against it. There's no answer at the house, so the dog goes back down the path, jumps up on a narrow wall, and walks along the perimeter of the garden. He gets to the window, and beats his head against it several times, walks back, jumps off, and waits at the door.

The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts abusing the dog, kicking him and punching him, and swearing at him. The butcher runs up, and stops the guy. "What in heaven's name are You doing? The dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for the life of me!" to which the guy responds: "You call this clever? This is the second time this week that this stupid dog's forgotten his key."

Reflection:
Looks like some, people will never be satisfied with what they've got. When it comes to the work place, Employers do not know how to appreciate their people who have served them loyally through the years. I've seen companies lose good people for the simple fact their leaders failed to show appreciation. Employers with big egos enjoy the fact that they have more power and authority than others. They show, in the way they give orders and directions, that they think they are superior. They get a kick out of displaying this superiority. People who do this are fools, and everyone but them knows it. They are never satisfied because they could not be satisfied even if their people perform well.

I Am Thankful For (1 Feb 2006)

I am thankful for:
1) The partner who hogs the covers every night because he / she is not out with someone else
2) The teenager who is not doing dishes but is watching TV, because he /s he is at home and not on the streets
3) The tax I pay because it means I am employed
4) The mess to clean after a party because it means that I have been surrounded by friends
5) All the complaints I hear about the government because it means we have freedom of speech
6) The parking spot I can find at the far-end of the parking lot because it means I am capable of walking and I have been blessed with transportation
7) The difficulty in finding a good maid, it means that I can afford one.

Three Daily Priorities for Teens (20 Jan 2006)

Creating three daily priorities for teens can help them set goals and keep them from focusing so much on themselves. As your teen gets ready in the morning, help him or her get into the habit of setting three simple goals for that day. Areas to focus on include school, self and service to others:

1)What is the most important thing he needs to focus on at school that day (test, assignments, a difficult subject)?

2)What is one important thing she can do for herself that day (eat right, exercise, get to bed earlier)?

3)What is something your teen can do for someone else (play with a sibling, be nice to someone at school who is always picked on, give compliments, help out around the house)?

By focusing your teen on these priorities, he or she can begin to set and achieve goals. Your teen may also begin to overcome normal insecurities and worries. In essence, your teen is learning to take control and not focus so much on things that cannot be controlled. It also will give you insight into your child's life and provide opportunities to give praise and encouragement each day.

Teaching Your Children Values, Linda and Richard Eyre, Simon & Schuster, 1993

Holding Cards - A Story (18 Jan 2006)

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet Dachshund dog along for company. One day, the dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long the dachshund discovers that he is lost.

Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch. The dachshund thinks, "I'm in deep trouble now! Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.

Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dachshund exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. "Whew," says the leopard. "That was close. That dachshund ! nearly had me."

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the dachshund saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine."

Now the dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks "What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet... and just when they get close enough to hear, the dachshund says.....

"Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard."

Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.....

Source: Unknown

Seven Qualities of Master Achievers (12 Jan 2006)

By Brian Tracy (excerpted from The Success Mastery Academy)

If you think the way successful people think and adopt their success habits, you too can be successful. Here are seven qualities of the top 1% of successful people.
1) They are Ambitious
2) They are Courageous
3) They are Committed
4) They are Professional
5) They are Prepared
6) They are Continuous Learners
7) They are Responsible.

1) They are Ambitious
They see themselves capable of being the best. They see themselves with the capacity of being really good at what they do. This was a really big thought for me. It held me back for many years. When I saw people who were doing better than I was, I naturally assumed they were better than I was. And if they were better than I was, then I must be worse than them, so that would mean they were superior and I was inferior. That is a big problem in our society. We have feelings of inferiority, and these feelings of inferiority are often translated into feelings of undeservedness. We don't feel we deserve to be a big success.

The word "deserve" comes from two Latin words meaning "from service." You deserve 100% of everything you make and enjoy as long as you get it from serving other people. Your rewards are in direct proportion to your service. If you serve better and serve more and serve at a higher level and serve more enthusiastically and serve a higher quality, then you'll have a wonderful income you'll deserve every penny of it. You must see yourself capable of being the best.

2) They are Courageous
They work to confront the fears that holds most people back. The two biggest enemies to yours and my success is fear and doubt. Eliminating fear and doubt is the key. The key to eliminating fear: If you want to develop courage, then simply act courageously when it's called for. When you do something repeatedly, you develop a habit. Make a habit throughout your life of doing the things you fear. If you do the thing you fear, the death of fear is certain. To overcome fear of rejection in prospecting, you must realize that rejection in selling is not personal. Top salespeople do not fear prospecting. Face your fear. Do the things you fear. The ability to confront your fear is the mark of the superior person. If you have high ambition and you decide to be in the top 10%, and you can confront your fears and do the things that are holding you back, those two things alone will make you a great success.

3) They are Committed
The top people in every field, especially the top salespeople, are completely committed. They believe in themselves; they believe in their companies; they believe in their products and services; they believe in their customers; they have an intense belief. We know that there is a one-to-one relationship between the depth of your belief and what happens in your reality. And if you absolutely believe in the rightness and the goodness of what you're doing, you become like a catalyst. You create what is called a transfer, like an electrical transfer of enthusiasm. People like to buy from people who truly believe in what they are doing. People who are not committed to what they do lead very empty lives. The second part is that caring is the critical element in modern selling. Caring is a critical element in life, as well. All men and women who enjoy great lives care about what they do! They have passion about what they do. They love what they do.

4) They are Professional
Top salespeople see themselves as consultants rather than as salespeople. When you think of the word "consultant," what words come to mind? When do you call a consultant? A consultant is a problem-solver. What word does not appear when you think of a consultant -- the word "salesperson". We don't think of consultants as salespeople. The most successful consultants in America are the very best salespeople of their services.

When a person is positioned as a consultant in the mind and heart of the customer, he is not seen as a salesperson. Do people like to be sold? Do people like to be helped to improve their lives and work? So they look upon a salesperson as someone who sells them. Selling is something you do "to" someone, and people don't like to be done "to".

So when you think of being a consultant, here is the key. How do you position yourself as a consultant with your customers? Of course, you act like a consultant, but even before you get the chance to act like a consultant, you build a rapport. And the most simple answer of all, and this is the most profound principle: People accept you at your own evaluation of yourself.

Consultants come in and have a cup of coffee. Salespeople wait in the waiting room and have a glass of water. If you say you're a consultant, your customer will accept you as a consultant. From now on, position yourself as a consultant. Think of yourself as a consultant. Remember, 80% of what you accomplish on the outside is determined by who you are on the inside. How you see yourself determines how the customer responds to you. The customer's perception of you determines how much they buy and how much they recommend you to other customers

5) They are Prepared
They review every detail in advance. To be in the top 10% requires additional efforts. It requires doing things that the average person is not willing to do. It requires making sacrifices the average person is not willing to make. It requires reviewing every detail of every call or situation before every business meeting. But the difference it makes is extraordinary. Before you go into a meeting, do your homework. Successful people are more concerned about pleasing results than they are about pleasing methods. When you sit down with a client, there is nothing more complimentary to a client than the feeling that you have prepared for the meeting.

6) They are Continuous Learners
They recognize that if they're not continually getting better, they're getting worse. They read, they listen to CDs and they take additional training. The professional never stops learning. So read, listen to CDs, take continuous training.

7) They are Responsible
They see themselves as President of their own personal services corporation. The top people in our society have an attitude of self-employed. 100% of us are self-employed. We are presidents of our own personal services corporation. You work for yourself. The biggest mistake we can ever make is to think we work for anyone else. We work for ourselves. The person who signs our paycheck may change; our jobs may change, but we are always the same. We are the one constant -- we are always self-employed. The fact of the matter is -- this is not optional, it is mandatory -- you are the president of your own company, you're the president of your own career, your own life, your own finances, your own body, your own family, your own health. You are totally responsible. We are responsible. No one will ever do it for us. It's the most liberating and exhilarating thought of all, to think that you're the president of your own life.

- From Brian Tracy

Five Enemies From Within (16 Dec 2005)

We are not born with courage, but neither are we born with fear. Maybe some of our fears are brought on by your own experiences, by what someone has told you, by what you've read in the papers. Some fears are valid, like walking alone in a bad part of town at two o'clock in the morning. But once you learn to avoid that situation, you won't need to live in fear of it.

Fears, even the most basic ones, can totally destroy our ambitions. Fear can destroy fortunes. Fear can destroy relationships. Fear, if left unchecked, can destroy our lives. Fear is one of the many enemies lurking inside us.

Let me tell you about five of the other enemies we face from within:
1) Indifference
2) Indecision
3) Skepticism
4) Worry
5) Over-caution

1) Indifference
The first enemy that you've got to destroy before it destroys you is indifference. What a tragic disease this is. "Ho-hum, let it slide. I'll just drift along." Here's one problem with drifting: you can't drift your way to the top of the mountain.

2) Indecision
The second enemy we face is indecision. Indecision is the thief of opportunity and enterprise. It will steal your chances for a better future. Take a sword to this enemy.

3) Skepticism
The third enemy inside is doubt. Sure, there's room for healthy skepticism. You can't believe everything. But you also can't let doubt take over. Many people doubt the past, doubt the future, doubt each other, doubt the government, doubt the possibilities and doubt the opportunities. Worse of all, they doubt themselves. I'm telling you, doubt will destroy your life and your chances of success. It will empty both your bank account and your heart. Doubt is an enemy Go after it. Get rid of it.

4) Worry
The fourth enemy within is worry. We've all got to worry some. Just don't let it conquer you. Instead, let it alarm you. Worry can be useful. If you step off the curb in New York City and a taxi is coming, you've got to worry. But you can't let worry loose like a mad dog that drives you into a small corner. Here's what you've got to do with your worries: drive them into a small corner. Whatever is out to get you, you've got to get it. Whatever is pushing on you, you've got to push back.

5) Over-caution
The fifth interior enemy is over-caution. It is the timid approach to life. Timidity is not a virtue; it's an illness. If you let it go, it'll conquer you. Timid people don't get promoted. They don't advance and grow and become powerful in the marketplace. You've got to avoid over-caution.

Do battle with the enemy. Do battle with your fears. Build your courage to fight what's holding you back, what's keeping you from your goals and dreams.

Be COURAGEOUS IN YOUR LIFE and in your pursuit of the things you want and the person you want to become.

Fern and Bamboo Seeds (5 Jan 2006)

One day I decided to quit...I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality.... I wanted to quit my life. I went to the woods to have one last talk with GOD."GOD", I said. "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?" His answer surprised me...... "Look around", GOD said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"

"Yes", I replied. "When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them. I gave them light. I gave them water. The fern quickly grew from the earth. Its brilliant green covered the floor. Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo. In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful. And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo." GOD said.

"In year three there was still nothing from the bamboo seed. But I would not quit. In year four, again, there was nothing from the bamboo see. I would not quit." GOD said. "Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant...But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall. It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive. I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle." GOD said to me.

"Did you know, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots?" "I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you." "Don't compare yourself to others." GOD said. "The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern. Yet they both make the forest beautiful."

"Your time will come", GOD said to me. "You will rise high" "How high should I rise?" I asked. "How high will the bamboo rise?" GOD asked in return.

"As high as it can?" I questioned "Yes." GOD said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can." I left the forest and bring back this story. I hope these words can help you see that GOD will never give up on you. GOD will never give up on you "Life is not a problem to be solved, but a gift to be enjoyed"

Tuning Jobs to Fit Your Company (1 Nov 2005)

HBSWK Pub. Date: Oct 31, 2005, by Robert Simons

In this article excerpt from Harvard Business Review, professor Robert Simons looks at how organizations can adjust the "span" of jobs to increase performance.

Editor's Note: In a recent Harvard Business Review article, professor Robert Simons wrote about how organizations can design jobs for maximum performance. In this excerpt, Simons discusses what he terms the four basic "spans" of a job-control, accountability, influence, and support-and how managers can adjust those spans as if on sliders to make employees more effective.

The Four Spans of Job Design
To understand what determines whether a job is designed for high performance, you must put yourself in the shoes of your organization's managers. To carry out his or her job, each employee has to know the answer to four basic questions:

"What resources do I control to accomplish my tasks?"
"What measures will be used to evaluate my performance?"
"Who do I need to interact with and influence to achieve my goals?"
"How much support can I expect when I reach out to others for help?"

The questions correspond to what I call the four basic spans of a job: control, accountability, influence, and support. Each span can be adjusted so that it is narrow or wide or somewhere in between. I think of the adjustments as being made on sliders, like those found on music amplifiers.

If you get the settings right, you can design a job in which a talented individual can successfully execute your company's strategy. But if you get the settings wrong, it will be difficult for any employee to be effective. I'll look at each span in detail and discuss how managers can adjust the settings.

1) Span of Control
2) Span of Accountability
3) Span of Influence
4) Span of Support

The Span Of Control. The first span defines the range of resources-not only people but also assets and infrastructure-for which a manager is given decision rights. These are also the resources whose performance the manager is held accountable for. Executives must adjust the span of control for each key position and unit on the basis of how the company delivers value to customers.

Consider Wal-Mart, which has configured its entire organization to deliver low prices. Wal-Mart's strategy depends on standardization of store operations coupled with economies of scale in merchandising, marketing, and distribution. To ensure standardization, Wal-Mart sets the span of control for store managers at the "narrow" end of the scale.
Although they nominally control their stores, Wal-Mart site managers have limited decision rights regarding hours of operation, merchandising displays, and pricing. By contrast, the span of control for managers at corporate headquarters who oversee merchandising and other core operations is set at "wide."

They are responsible for implementing best practices and consolidating operations to capture economies of scale. In addition to controlling purchasing, merchandising, and distribution, these managers even control the lighting and temperature at Wal-Mart's 3,500 stores by remote computer.

Of course, the spans of control will be set very differently in companies that follow different strategies. Consider Nestlé, a food company that reformulates its products in response to regional tastes for spices and sweets. In this "local value creation" configuration, the span of control for regional business managers is set very wide so that they have all the resources they need to customize products and respond to customers.

Regional managers take responsibility for sales, product development, distribution, and manufacturing. As a consequence, the spans of control for managers back at the head office are relatively narrow, covering only logistics, the supply chain, global contracts, and accounting and finance.

The Span Of Accountability. The second span refers to the range of trade-offs affecting the measures used to evaluate a manager's achievements. For example, a person who is accountable for head count or specific expenses in an operating budget can make few trade-offs in trying to improve the measured dimensions of performance and so has a narrow span of accountability. By contrast, a manager responsible for market share or business profit can make many trade-offs and thus has a relatively wide span of accountability.

To carry out his or her job, each employee has to know the answer to four basic questions. Your setting for this span is determined by the kind of behavior you want to see. To ensure compliance with detailed directives, hold managers to narrow measures.
To encourage creative thinking, make them responsible for broad metrics such as market share, customer satisfaction, and return on capital employed, which allow them greater freedom.

The span of control and the span of accountability are not independent. They must be considered together. The first defines the resources available to a manager; the second defines the goals the manager is expected to achieve. You might conclude, therefore, that the two spans should be equally wide or narrow. As the adage goes, authority should match responsibility. But in high-performing organizations, many people are held to broad performance measures such as brand profit and customer satisfaction, even though they do not control all the resources-manufacturing and service, for example - needed to achieve the desired results.
There is a good reason for this discrepancy. By explicitly setting the span of accountability wider than the span of control, executives can force their managerial subordinates to become entrepreneurs. In fact, entrepreneurship has been defined (by Howard H.Stevenson and J. Carlos Jarillo) as "the process by which individuals-either on their own or inside organizations-pursue opportunities without regard to the resources they currently control."

What happens when employees are faced with this entrepreneurial gap? They must use their energy and creativity to figure out how to succeed without direct control of the resources they need. Thus, managers can adjust these two spans to stimulate creativity and entrepreneurial behavior.

Of course, spans of accountability vary by level in most organizations - in general, they are wider at the top of a company and narrower at the bottom. The CEO of McDonald's has a wide span of accountability that encompasses stock price, earnings per share, and
competitive market position. A McDonald's store manager has a much narrower span. She must focus on compliance with standard operating procedures, and she is monitored through detailed input and process
measures.

The Span Of Influence. The third span corresponds to the width of the net that an individual needs to cast in collecting data, probing for new information, and attempting to influence the work of others. An employee with a narrow span of influence does not need to pay much attention to people outside his small area to do his job effectively. An individual with a wide span must interact extensively with, and influence, people in other units.

As is the case with the other spans, senior managers can adjust the span of influence to promote desired behaviors. They can widen the span when they want to stimulate people to think outside the box to develop new ways of serving customers, increasing internal efficiencies, or adapting to changes in external markets. In many companies, widening the span of influence counteracts the rigidity of organizational structures based on boxes and silos. For example, although global companies like Procter & Gamble need to be responsive to local customers' needs, they must also create pressure for people in different operations to look beyond their silos to consolidate operations and share best practices to lower costs.

Similarly, firms such as big-box retailers that centralize merchandising and distribution to deliver low prices must ensure that they continue to monitor changing competitive dynamics. Operations managers who are insulated from the marketplace must be forced to interact with people in units that are closest to customers. In all of these cases, it's up to senior managers to ensure that individuals work across organizational boundaries to test new ideas, share information, and learn.

Executives can widen a manager's span of influence by redesigning her job-placing her on a cross-functional team, for example, or giving her an assignment that requires her to report to two bosses. They can also adjust a job's span of influence through the level of goals they set. Although the nature of a manager's goals drives her span of accountability (by determining the trade-offs she can make), the level, or difficulty, drives her sphere of influence.
Someone given a stretch goal will often be forced to seek out and interact with more people than someone whose goal is set at a much lower level. Finally, executives can use accounting and control systems to adjust the span of influence. For example, the span will be wider for managers who are forced to bear the burden of indirect cost allocations generated by other units, because they will attempt to influence the decisions of the units responsible for the costs.

Wide spans of support become critically important when customer loyalty is vital to strategy implementation. The more complex and interdependent the job, the more important a wide span of influence becomes. In fact, a wide influence span is often an indication of both the power and effectiveness of an executive. In describing eBay's Meg Whitman, for example, A.G. Lafley, the CEO of Procter & Gamble, said, "The measure of a powerful person is that their circle of influence is greater than their circle of control."

The Span Of Support. This final span refers to the amount of help an individual can expect from people in other organizational units. Again, the slider can be set anywhere from narrow to wide depending on how much commitment from others the person needs in order to implement strategy.

Jobs in some organizations - particularly positions such as commission-based sales in efficient and liquid markets - do not need wide spans of support. In fact, such organizations generally operate more efficiently with narrow spans, since each job is independent and individual contributions can be calculated easily at day's end. Traders in financial institutions, for example, need little support from their fellow traders, and their colleagues can and should stay focused on their own work (and should be compensated solely for their success in generating profit).

But wide spans of support become critically important when customer loyalty is vital to strategy implementation (for example, at exclusive hotel chains) or when the organizational design is highly complex because of sophisticated technologies and a complex value chain (in aerospace or computers, for instance). In these cases, individuals throughout the company must move beyond their job descriptions to respond to requests for help from others who are attempting to satisfy customers or navigate organizational processes.

Box Full Of Kisses (1 Jan 2006)

The story goes that some time ago, a man punished his 3-year-old daughter for wasting a roll of gold wrapping paper. Money was tightand he became infuriated when the child tried to decorate a box to put under the Christmas tree. Nevertheless, the little girl brought the gift to her father the next morning and said, "This is for you, Daddy."

The man was embarrassed by his earlier overreaction, but his anger flared again when he found out the box was empty. He yelled at her,stating, "Don't you know, when you give someone a present, there is supposed to be something inside? The little girl looked up at him with tears in her eyes and cried, "Oh, Daddy, it's not empty at all.
I blew kisses into the box. They're all for you, Daddy."

The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little girl, and he begged for her forgiveness.

Only a short time later, an accident took the life of the child. It is also told that her father kept that gold box by his bed for many years and, whenever he was discouraged, he would take out an imaginary kiss and remember the love of the child who had put it there.

In a very real sense, each one of us, as humans beings, have been given a gold container filled with unconditional love and kisses...from our children, family members, friends, and God. There is simply no other possession, anyone could hold, more precious than this.

Unknown Author

The DNA of Top Achievers (21 Sep 2005)

By Chris Widener

Of course by now we are all becoming aware of DNA. It is the source code that determines who we are. When we look at DNA we can see what a person will look like,
what diseases they may come down with, etc. This has been a tremendous breakthrough for scientists and will continue to be so for some time, I believe.

This got me to thinking about what makes up those who are top achievers. Is there a "DNA" to them? Obviously, all top achievers wouldn't have the same literal DNA but what about a figurative DNA? Is there a common "gene" that they all have? Are there common "genes" perhaps? I think so!
If we could get right down to it, I think these are the genes we would find in the DNA of top achievers:
1) A Predisposition to Setting High, Lofty Goals.
2) An Ability to Focus Intently Upon Reaching Their Desired Destination.
3) The Willingness to Personally Sacrifice In Order to Get to Their Goal.
4) A Predisposition to Tenacity.
5) The Ability to See Available Resources and to Use Them Accordingly.
6) A Desire to Help Others Achieve More for Themselves As Well.

1) A Predisposition to Setting High, Lofty Goals.
Top achievers are people who won't and can't settle for the status quo. They see average as a place they want to keep in the rear-view mirror. Instead, they continually look for ways to stretch themselves, to get better, to do better, to be better! They set their sights on goals that others have never even thought of. They want to shoot so high that even if they miss, they go higher than everyone else. This is what makes them top achievers.

2) An Ability to Focus Intently Upon Reaching Their Desired Destination.
Many people can set high goals, but just as many people get sidetracked by one thing or another on their way to those goals. High, lofty goals usually take a while to get there so there will always be plenty of time to be tempted to stray away from the road that is taking you to those goals. Often, those things that sidetrack people are good things, but not the best things. Top achievers do not get sidetracked. They stay focused. They know where they are going. They have an ability to say "no" to the good things in order to get to the best things.

3) The Willingness to Personally Sacrifice In Order to Get to Their Goal.
When the going gets tough, many people quit. When the going gets tough personally, most people quit. When the going gets tough for top achievers, they remind themselves of the high, lofty goals they have set for themselves. They remind themselves of what an accomplishment it will be for them and that the reward is worth pushing through the momentary trials. They are willing to sacrifice personally in the short-term in order to get the reward and the prize long-term. Keeping their eyes on the big picture enables them to persevere through any personal pain they may experience.

4) A Predisposition to Tenacity.
Tenacity is the ability to "keep on going." Tough times? Keep on going! Financial troubles? Keep on going! People are suspect? Keep on going! You look like a dreamer? Keep on going! Tired? Keep on going! Want to quit and take it easy? Keep on going! Just remember this: Keep on going! The prize is ahead! Many people quit just before they were to get the reward, so keep on going!

5) The Ability to See Available Resources and to Use Them Accordingly.
Those who are top achievers know that they cannot be lone-rangers on the way to the top. No one makes it by himself or herself. Top achievers recognize their weaknesses - the weaknesses that if they don't cover will keep them from becoming a top achiever! They see their resources and they work to get them into a helping position so they can continue the route to becoming a top achiever. And they don't use them, they utilize them. There is a big difference! People, finances, etc are all brought in to help by the top achiever.

6) A Desire to Help Others Achieve More for Themselves As Well.
The top achiever knows that they can make a difference for others by becoming a top achiever. They know that the wealth they make can feed the hungry. They know that the position of influence they achieve can open a door for someone who may not normally get a chance. True top achievers look at how they can bring many with them, not how they can leave many in the dust. People are helped by the top achiever, not trampled upon!

I think if we could get to the DNA of top achievers, the things we talked about above would be at the core and fiber of their beings. What about you? Did you recognize yourself at all? I hope so! The good news about the DNA we are talking about today as opposed to real DNA is that you can go out and work on top achiever DNA whereas you are stuck with real DNA. So if you lack a little in the above-mentioned areas, take heart - you can get better and work on them so that you can become a top achiever!

Chris Widener is an internationally recognized speaker, author and radio host. Chris is the author of five books and audio series as well as over 350 success articles.

True Love and True Care (30 Dec 2005)

I was born in a secluded village on a mountain. Day by day, my parents ploughed the yellow dry soil with their backs towards the sky. I have a brother who is 3 years younger than me. I wanted to buy a handkerchief, which all girls around me seemed to have.

So, one day I stole 50 cents from my father's drawer. Father had discovered about the stolen money right away. He made me and my younger brother kneel against the wall as he held a bamboo stick in his hand.

"Who stole the money?" he asked. I was stunned, too afraid to talk.Neither of us admitted to the fault, so he said, "Fine, if nobody wants to admit, you two should be beaten!"

He lifted up the bamboo stick. Suddenly, my younger brother gripped father's hand and said, "Dad, I was the one who did it!"

The long stick smacked my brother's back repeatedly. Father was so angry that he kept on whipping my brother until he lost his breath. After that, he sat down on our stone bed and scolded my brother.

"You have learned to steal from your own house now. What other embarrassing things will you be possibly doing in the future? You should be beaten to death, you shameless thief!"

That night, my mother and I hugged my brother. His body was full of wounds from the beating but he never shed a single tear. In the middle of the night, all of sudden, I cried out loudly. My brother covered my mouth with his little hand and said, "Sis, now don't cry anymore. Everything has happened". I still hate myself for not having enough courage to admit what I did.

Years gone by, but the incident still seemed like it just happened yesterday. I will never forget my brother's expression when he protected me. That year, my brother was 8 years old and I was 11 years old. When my brother was in his last year of secondary school, he was accepted in an upper secondary school in the central.

At the same time, I was accepted into a university in the province. That night, father squatted in the yard, smoking, packet by packet. I could hear him ask my mother, "Both of our children, they have good results? Very good results?" Mother wiped off her tears and sighed, "What is the use? How can we possibly finance both of them?"

At that time, my brother walked out, he stood in front of father and said, "Dad, I don't want to continue my study anymore, I have read enough books." Father swung his hand and slapped my brother on his face.

"Why do you have a spirit so damn weak? Even if it means I have to beg for money on the streets, I will send you two to school until you have both finished your study!"

And then, he started to knock on every house in the village to borrow money. I stuck out my hand as gently as I can to my brother's swollen face, and told him, "A boy has to continue his study. If not, he will not be able to overcome this poverty we are experiencing."

I, on the other hand, had decided not to further my study at the university. Nobody knew that on the next day, before dawn, my brother left the house with a few pieces of worn-out clothes and a few dry beans. He sneaked to my side of the bed and left a note on my pillow; "Sis, getting into a university is not easy. I will go find a job and I will send money to you. I held the note while sitting on my bed, and cried until I lost my voice.

That year, my brother was 17 years old; I was 20 years old. With the money father borrowed from the whole village, and the money my brother earned from carrying cement on his back at a construction site, finally, I managed to get to the third year of my study in the university.

One day, while I was studying in my room, my roommate came in and told me, "There's a villager waiting for you outside!" Why would there be a villager looking for me? I walked out, and I saw my brother from afar. His whole body was covered with dirt, dust, cement and sand. I asked him, "Why did you not tell my roommate that you are my brother?"

He replied with a smile, "Look at my appearance. What will they think if they would know that I am your brother? Won't they laugh at you?" I felt so touched, and tears filled my eyes. I swept away dirt and dust from my brother's body. And told him with a lump in my throat, "I don't care what people would say! You are my brother no matter what your appearance is?"

From his pocket, he took out a butterfly hair clip. He put it on my hair and said, "I saw all the girls in town are wearing it. So, I think you should also have one." I could not hold back myself anymore. I pulled my brother into my arms and cried.

That year, my brother was 20 years old; I was 23 years old. I noticed that the broken window was repaired the first time I brought my boyfriend home. The house was scrubbed cleaned. After my boyfriend left, I danced like a little girl in front of my mother, "Mom, you didn't have to spend so much time cleaning the house!"

But she told me with a smile, "It was your brother who went home early to clean the house. Didn't you see the wound on his hand? He hurt his hand while he was replacing the window." I went into my brother's bedroom. Looking at his thin face, I felt like there are hundreds of needle pricked in my heart. I applied some ointment on his wound and put a bandage on it.

"Does it hurt? " I asked him.

"No, it doesn't hurt. You know, when at the construction site, stones keep falling on my feet. Even that could not stop me from working." In the middle of the sentence, he stopped. I turned my back on him and tears rolled down my face.

That year, my brother was 23 years old; I was 26 years old. After I got married, I lived in the city. Many times my husband invited my parents to come and live with us, but they didn't want. They said, once they left the village, they wouldn't know what to do. My brother agreed with them. He said, "Sis, you just take care of your parents-in-law. I will take care of mom and dad here."

My husband became the director of his factory. We asked my brother to accept the offer of being the manager in the maintenance department. But my brother rejected the offer. He insisted on working as a repairman instead for a start.

One day, my brother was on the top of a ladder repairing a cable, when he got electrocuted, and was sent to the hospital. My husband and I visited him at the hospital. Looking at the white gypsum on his leg, I grumbled, "Why did you reject the offer of being a manager? Managers won't do something dangerous like that. Now look at you, you are suffering a serious injury. Why didn't you just listen to us?"

With a serious expression on his face, he defended his decision, "Think of brother-in-law. He just became the director, and I being uneducated, and would become a manager, what kind of rumors would fly around?"

My husband's eyes filled up with tears, and then I said, "But you lack in education only because of me!"

"Why do you talk about the past?" he said and then he held my hand. That year, he was 26 years old and I was 29 years old.

My brother was 30 years old when he married a farmer girl from the village. During the wedding reception, the master of ceremonies asked him, "Who is the one person you respect and love the most?"

Without even taking a time to think, he answered," My sister." He continued by telling a story I could not even remember. "When I was in primary school, the school was in a different village. Everyday, my sister and I would walk for 2 hours to school and back home. One day, I lost the other pair of my gloves. My sister gave me one of hers. She wore only one glove and she had to walk far. When we got home, her hands were trembling because of the cold weather that she could not even hold her chopsticks.

From that day on, I swore that as long as I live, I would take care of my sister and will always be good to her."

Applause filled up the room. All guests turned their attention to me. I found it hard to speak, "In my whole life, the one I would like to thank most is my brother," And in this happy occasion, in front of the crowd, tears were rolling down my face again.

Love and care for the one you love every single days of your life. You may think what you did is just a small deed, but to that someone, it may mean a lot.

The Four Emotions That Can Lead To Life Change (14 Dec 2005)

Emotions are the most powerful forces inside us. Under the power of emotions, human beings can perform the most heroic (as well as barbaric) acts. To a great degree, civilization itself can be defined as the intelligent channeling of human emotion. Emotions are fuel and the mind is the pilot, which together propel the ship of civilized progress.

Which emotions cause people to act? There are four basic ones. Each, or a combination of several, can trigger the most incredible activity. The day that you allow these emotions to fuel your desire is the day you'll turn your life around:
1) DISGUST
2) DECISION
3) DESIRE
4) RESOLVE

1) DISGUST
One does not usually equate the word "disgust" with positive action. And yet properly channeled, disgust can change a person's life. The person who feels disgusted has reached a point of no return. He or she is ready to throw down the gauntlet at life and say, "I've had it!" That's what I said after many humiliating experiences at age 25. I said, "I don't want to live like this anymore. I've had it with being broke. I've had it with being embarrassed, and I've had it with lying."
Yes, productive feelings of disgust come when a person says, "Enough is enough."

The "guy" has finally had it with mediocrity. He's had it with those awful sick feelings of fear, pain and humiliation. He then decides he is not going to live like this anymore. Look out! This could be the day that turns a life around. Call it what you will, the "I've had it" day, the "never again" day, the "enough is enough" day. Whatever you call it, it's powerful! There is nothing so life-changing as gut-wrenching disgust!

2) DECISION
Most of us need to be pushed to the wall to make decisions. And once we reach this point, we have to deal with the conflicting emotions that come with making them. We have reached a fork in the road. Now this fork can be a two- prong, three-prong, or even a four-prong fork. No wonder that decision-making can create knots in stomachs, keep us awake in the middle of the night, or make us break out in a cold sweat.

Making life-changing decisions can be likened to internal civil war. Conflicting armies of emotions, each with its own arsenal of reasons, battle each other for supremacy of our minds. And our resulting decisions, whether bold or timid, well thought out or impulsive, can either set the course of action or blind it. I don't have much advice to give you about decision-making except this:

Whatever you do, don't camp at the fork in the road. Decide. It's far better to make a wrong decision than to not make one at all. Each of us must confront our emotional turmoil and sort out our feelings.

3) DESIRE
How does one gain desire? I don't think I can answer this directly because there are many ways. But I do know two things about desire:
a. It comes from the inside not the outside.
b. It can be triggered by outside forces.

Almost anything can trigger desire. It's a matter of timing as much as preparation. It might be a song that tugs at the heart. It might be a memorable sermon. It might be a movie, a conversation with a friend, a confrontation with the enemy, or a bitter experience. Even a book or an article such as this one can trigger the inner mechanism that will make some people say, "I want it now!"

Therefore, while searching for your "hot button" of pure, raw desire, welcome into your life each positive experience. Don't erect a wall to protect you from experiencing life. The same wall that keeps out your disappointment also keeps out the sunlight of enriching experiences. So let life touch you. The next touch could be the one that turns your life around.

4) RESOLVE
Resolve says, "I will." These two words are among the most potent in the English language. I WILL. Benjamin Disraeli, the great British statesman, once said, "Nothing can resist a human will that will stake even its existence on the extent of its purpose." In other words, when someone resolves to "do or die," nothing can stop him.

The mountain climber says, "I will climb the mountain. They've told me it's too high, it's too far, it's too steep, it's too rocky, it's too difficult. But it's my mountain. I will climb it. You'll soon see me waving from the top or you'll never see me, because unless I reach the peak, I'm not coming back." Who can argue with such resolve?

When confronted with such iron-will determination, I can see Time, Fate and Circumstance calling a hasty conference and deciding, "We might as well let him have his dream. He's said he's going to get there or die trying."

The best definition for "resolve" I've ever heard came from a schoolgirl in Foster City, California. I was lecturing about success to a group of bright kids at a junior high school. I asked, "Who can tell me what "resolve" means?" Several hands went up, and I did get some pretty good definitions. But the last was the best. A shy girl from the back of the room got up and said with quiet intensity, "I think resolve means promising yourself you will never give up." That's it! That's the best definition I've ever heard: PROMISE YOURSELF YOU'LL NEVER GIVE UP.

Think about it! How long should a baby try to learn how to walk? How long would you give the average baby before you say, "That's it, you've had your chance"? You say that's crazy? Of course it is. Any mother would say, "My baby is going to keep trying until he learns how to walk!" No wonder everyone walks.

There is a vital lesson in this. Ask yourself, "How long am I going to work to make my dreams come true?" I suggest you answer, "As long as it takes." That's what these four emotions are all about.

Paradigm Shift / The Other Point Of View (2 Nov 2005)

Imagine you're in London's Heathrow Airport. While you're waiting for your flight, you notice a kiosk selling shortbread cookies. You buy a box, put them in your travelling bag and then you patiently search for an available seat so you can sit down and enjoy your cookies. Finally you find a seat next to a gentleman. You reach down into your travelling bag and pull out your box of shortbread cookies.

As you do so, you notice that the gentleman starts watching you intensely. He stares as you open the box and his eyes follow your hand as you pick up the cookie and bring it to your mouth. Just then he reaches over and takes one of your cookies from the box, and eats it!

You're more than a little surprised at this. Actually, you're at a loss for words. Not only does he take one cookie, but he alternates with you. For every one cookie you take, he takes one.

Now, what's your immediate impression of this guy? Crazy? Greedy? He's got some nerve?! Can you imagine the words you might use to describe this man to your associates back at the office? Meanwhile, you both continue eating the cookies until there's just one left. To your surprise, the man reaches over and takes it. But then he does something unexpected. He breaks it in half, and gives half to you. After he's finished with his half he gets up, and without a word, he leaves.

You think to yourself, "Did this really happen?" You're left sitting there dumbfounded and still hungry. So you go back to the kiosk and buy another box of cookies. You then return to your seat and begin opening your new box of cookies when you glance down into your traveling bag. Sitting there in your bag is your original box of cookies -- still unopened.

Only then do you realize that when you reached down earlier, you had reached into the other man's bag, and grabbed his box of cookies by mistake. Now what do you think of the man? Generous? Tolerant? You've just experienced a profound paradigm shift. You're seeing things from a new point of view.

Analogy Of Life - Major & Minor Events (21 Oct 2005)

A professor stood before his Philosophy 101 class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full? They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open spaces between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He then asked once more if the jar was full. The students agreed with a unanimous --yes!

The professor then poured two bottles of water from under the table and proceeded to pour the entire contents in to the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," the professor said, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things -- your family, your partner, your health, your children, your friends, your favorite passions -- things that if
everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full."

"The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand and water is everything else -- the small stuff! " "If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for your life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal.

"Take care of the golf balls first -- the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

Two Lumberjacks In A Tree-cutting Contest (19 Oct 2005)

Both were strong and determined, hoping to win the prize. But one was hardworking and ambitious, chopping down every tree in his path at the fastest pace possible, while the other appeared to be a little more laid back, methodically felling trees and pacing himself. The go-getter worked all day, skipping his lunch break, expecting that his superior effort would be rewarded. His opponent, however, took an hour-long lunch, then resumed his steady pace.

In the end, the eager beaver was dismayed to lose to his "lazier" competition. Thinking he deserved to win after his hard work, he finally approached his opponent and said, "I just don't understand. I worked longer and harder than you, and went hungry to get ahead. You took a break, and yet you still won. It just doesn't seem fair. Where did I go wrong?" The winner responded, "While I was taking my lunch break, I was sharpening my axe."

Hospital Window

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room's only window.

The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back. The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.

And every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window. The man in the other bed began to live for those one-hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.

The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color of the rainbow. Grand old trees graced the landscape, and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.

As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.

One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the other man couldn't hear the band - he could see it in his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words. Days and weeks passed.

One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away. As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.

Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the world outside. Finally, he would have the joy of seeing it for himself.

He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed. It faced a blank wall. The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window. The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.

She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you."

*Author Unknown*

7 Destructive Habits of Incompetent People

WARNING !!!

If you want to have a fantastic life, never engage yourself in these 7 deadly habits that incompetent people do by Michael Lee.

NUMBER 1 - They Think, Say, & Do Negative Things.

Yup. They see problems in every opportunity. They complain that the sun is too hot. They cursed the rain for ruining their plans for the day. They blame the wind for ruining their hair.

They think that everyone is against them. They see the problems but never the solutions. Every little bit of difficulty is exaggerated to the point of tragedy. They regard failures as catastrophes. They become discouraged easily instead of learning from their mistakes.

They never seem to move forward because they're always afraid to come out of their comfort zones.

NUMBER 2 - They Act Before They Think.

They move based on instinst or impulse. If they see something they like, they buy at once without any second thought. Then they see something better. They regret & curse for not able to take advantage of the bargain.

Then they spend & spend again until nothing's left. They don't think about the future. What they're after is the pleasure they will experience at present. They don't think about the consequenses. Those who engage in unsafe sex, criminality, and the like are included in this group.

NUMBER 3 - They Talk Much More Than They Listen

They want to be the star of the show. So they always engage in talks that would make them heroes, even to the point of lying. Oftentimes they are not aware that what they're saying is not sensible anymore.

When other people advise them, they close their ears because they're too proud to admit their mistakes. In their mind they're always correct. They reject suggestions because that will make them feel inferior.

NUMBER 4 - They Give Up Easily

Successful people treat failures as stepping stones to success. Incompetent ones call it quits upon recognizing the first signs of failure. At first, they may be excited to start an endeavor. But then they lose interest fairly quickly, especially when they encounter errors.

Then they go & search for a new one. Same story & same results. Incompetent people don't have the persistence to go on and fulfill their dreams.

NUMBER 5 - They Try to Bring Others Down To Their Level

Incompetent people envy other successful individuals. Instead of working hard to be like them, these incompetent ones spread rumors and try every dirty trick to bring them down.

They could've asked these successful ones nicely. But no, they're too proud. They don't want to ask advise. Moreover, they're too negative to accomplish anything.

NUMBER 6 - They Waste Their Time

They don't know what to do next. They may just be contented on eating, getting drunk, watching TV, or worse, staring at the blank wall with no thoughts whatsoever to improve their lives.

It's perfectly fine to enjoy once in a while. But time should be managed efficiently in order to succeed. There should be a proper balance between work & pleasure.

NUMBER 7 - They Take the Easy Way Out

If there are two roads to choose from, incompetent people would choose the wider road with less rewards than the narrower road with much better rewards at the end. They don't want any suffering or hardship. They want a good life.

What these people don't know is that what you reap is what you sow. Efforts & action will not go unnoticed. If only they would be willing to sacrifice a little, they would be much better off.

Successful people made it through trials & error. They never give up. They are willing to do everything necessary to achieve what they aspire for in life.

Note: The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Executives are
1. Be Proactive
2. Begin With An End In Mind
3. Important Things First
4. Think Win/Win
5. Seek First To Understand, Then To Be Understood
6. Synergy: Making Full Use of Differences
7. Sharpen Your Saw.

So You Think You Have It Bad?

By Ma Puso

There was a man in the mountains who went to find a guru. He had a big feast to make for the holidays that were a ways off, but first he had a problem he wanted the guru to fix.

He climbed up the mountain, found the guru and said, "Guru, my mother-in-law has just moved in with us. We live in a one room hut. I have a big feast to make for the holidays coming up soon, and she will do nothing but get in my way. What am I to do? I hate my mother-in-law."

The guru smiles and says, "Do you have a goat?" The man says, "Yes, I have a goat." "Move the goat into the hut with you. Come back and see me in a week." The man leaves, does the guru's bidding, and comes back in a week.

"Guru, things did not get better. They got worse. I not only have my mother-in-law in the hut with us before the holidays, but now we have a goat. By the way, did I mention that I really hate my mother-in-law?"

The guru smiles kindly and responds, "Do you have chickens?" He sniffed. "Yes, I have chickens." "Move the chickens into the hut with you. Come back and see me in a week." The beleaguered man leaves to do the Guru's bidding. He comes back in a week.

"Guru, I cannot stand it. Things are definitely worse. I now not only have my feast to prepare AND my mother-in-law --whom I hate, in the hut with us, but now we have a goat AND chickens. Did I mention that I really, really hate my mother-in-law?"

The guru smiles kindly, nods and says, "Do you have a pig?" The man sighed. "Yes, I have a pig." "Move the pig into the hut with you. Come back and see me in a week." The befuddled man leaves to do the Guru's bidding. He comes back in a week.

"Guru, I cannot stand it. Things have gotten much worse. I now not only have my feast to prepare, my mother-in-law whom I truly hate -- I do believe I've mentioned that -- in the hut with us, but now we have a goat AND chickens AND a pig." He looked down at his feet and muttered, "I really, truly hate my mother-in-law."

The guru nods and says, "Do you have kittens?" The man sighs as her eyes dart around miserably. "Yes," he answers. "I have kittens." "Put the kittens in the hut with you. Come see me in a week." The poor, dejected man leaves. He comes back in a week.

"Guru, please. It has gotten worse and worse. Not only is the holiday coming up really soon where I have to make my feast, but I now not only have my mother-in-law, whom I cannot tell you how much I truly hate, in the hut with us, but now we have a goat AND chickens AND a pig AND kittens. I really, truly hate my mother-in-law. I am serious," he said determinedly.

The guru smiles gently and says, "Do you have a dog?" The man's eyes went up to the sky. When he found no divine help there, he took a deep breath. "Yes, I have a dog." His shoulders shuddered at what, by now, he knew the guru would say. "Put the dog in the hut with you. Come back in a week."

The poor, dejected man leaves. He comes back in a week. "Guru, I cannot take it anymore. I have not only the big feast to prepare, but my mother-in-law whom," he clears his throat, "well, you know, and now we have a goat AND chickens AND a pig AND kittens AND a dog."

He shook his head. A tear trickled down both his cheeks, because he knew the guru was going to say something dreadful. The guru smiled. "Now, take out all the animals. Come and see me in a week."

The bewildered man blinked in confusion as he left. He came back in a week. His step was spry, his smile wide. "Hellooooo, Guru," he called before he even got to the top of the mountain. "It's a beautiful day."

The guru asked, "And how is your mother-in-law, my son?" His smile didn't waver as he said, "Oh, you mean that fine lady living with us? Truthfully, she is not so bad." The guru said, "You have learned much, my son.

Sometimes, we need to KNOW that our assumptions can ruin us. We don't have it so bad, but we imagine several things and forget to enjoy our lives. We are living with humans and it takes us to get into animals to realize this truth. It's like, don't make the universe hit you over the head with a hammer, learn from the little taps it gives you. Let us learn to live with people and also love them."

Selfishness Versus Self-Responsibility

By Dr. Margaret Paul

One of the last things any of us want to be called is "selfish." We often end up doing things we don't want to do to avoid being seen as selfish. In my counseling work with people, I often hear the questions, "Aren't I being selfish if I take care of myself instead of take care of everyone else? Am I being selfish if I do what I want instead of what someone else wants me to do?"

The problem occurs because of an inaccurate definition of "selfish."

We are being selfish when:
 We expect others to give themselves up for us.
 We make others responsible for our feelings of pain and joy.
 We get angry at others for doing what they want to do rather than doing what we want them to do.
 We consistently make our own feelings, wants, needs and desires important without also considering others feelings, wants, needs and desires.
 We believe we are entitled to special treatment, such as not having to wait in line.

We are being self-responsible when:
 We take care of our own feeling, wants, desires and needs rather than expecting others to take care of us.
 We support others in doing what brings them joy, even when they are not doing what we want them to do.
 We show caring toward others for the joy it give us rather than out of fear, obligation, or guilt.
 We have the courage to take loving action in our own behalf, even if someone gets angry with us. For example, we go to bed early because we are tired, even if our partner gets angry at us for not watching a movie with him or her.
 We have the courage to speak our truth about what we will or will not do, and what we do or do not feel, rather than give ourselves up to avoid criticism, anger or rejection.

Giving ourselves up to avoid being called selfish is not self-responsible - it is manipulative and dishonest. When we give ourselves up to avoid criticism, we are trying to control how another feels about us.

Taking loving care of ourselves, with no intent to harm another is self-responsible. Yet we are often called "selfish" when we take care of ourselves. For example, Tammy had signed up to take one of my weekend workshops and was really looking forward to it. She let her husband, Frank, and two children know weeks before the workshop that she was going, and that it was important to her.

The day before the workshop Frank was given four great tickets to a basketball game. He wanted Tammy to go with him the next day, which was the first day of the workshop. When she said no, he got angry at her and told her she was selfish for doing what she wanted to do rather than spending the time with the family. Tammy came to the workshop with much to work on!

In reality, it was Frank who was being selfish in expecting Tammy to give herself up and do what he wanted her to do rather than what was really important to her. He was not caring at all about Tammy - he just wanted what he wanted. He felt entitled to be angry at her when she didn't give in to his demands.

For Tammy, this was a crazy-making situation. Being labeled as selfish when it is really Frank who was being selfish is crazy-making. Many of us grew up with parents who crazy-made us in this way - demanding that we give ourselves up for them and telling us we were selfish when we were actually taking responsibility for our own happiness and well being.

It is important for each of us to define selfishness and self-responsibility for ourselves so that we are not dependent upon others' definition of us. When you become secure in knowing that you not only have the right, but the responsibility, to support your own joy and highest good - with no intent to harm another - then you will not be tempted to give yourself up when someone tells you that you are selfish for not doing what he or she wants you to do. When we are secure in knowing that our own intent is a loving one, we do not have to manipulate others into defining us as caring by giving ourselves up.

The Cracked Pot

A water bearer in India had two large pots, each hung on the end of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots was perfectly made and never leaked. The other pot had a crack in it and by the time the water bearer reached his master's house it had leaked much of it's water and was only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water to his master's house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you." "Why?" asked the bearer. "What are you ashamed of?" "I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your master's house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value from your efforts," the pot said.

The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion he said, "As we return to the master's house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path."Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it some. But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again the pot apologized to the bearer for its failure.

The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of your path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you've watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master's table. Without you being just the way you are, he would not have this beauty to grace his house."

Each of us has our own unique flaws. We're all cracked pots. But if we will allow it, God will use our flaws to grace his table. In God's great economy, nothing goes to waste. Don't be afraid of your flaws. Acknowledge them, and you too can be the cause of beauty. Know that in our weakness we find our strength.

By Unknown Author

Top Ten Body Language Tips

Source: Parent-Empower-OMI@yahoogroups.com mailing group

1) EYE contact is one of the most important aspects of dealing with others, especially people we've just met. Maintaining good eye contact shows respect and interest in what they have to say. Here in the UK we tend to keep eye contact around 60-70% of the time. (However, there are wide cultural differences, so be careful in other countries) By doing this you won't make the other people feel self conscious, like they've got a bit of vegetable stuck between their teeth or a dew drop hanging from the nose. . Instead, it will give them a feeling of comfort and genuine warmth in your company, any more eye contact than this and you can be too intense, any less and you give off a signal that you are lacking interest in them or their conversation.

2) POSTURE is the next thing to master, get your posture right and you'll automatically start feeling better, as it makes you feel good almost instantly. Next time you notice you're feeling a bit down, take a look at how your standing or sitting. Chances are you'll be slouched over with your shoulders drooping down and inward. This collapses the chest and inhibits good breathing, which in turn can help make you feel nervous or uncomfortable.

3) HEAD position is a great one to play around with, with yourself and others. When you want to feel confident and self assured keep your head level both horizontally and vertically. You can also use this straight head position when you want to be authoritative and what you're saying to be taken seriously. Conversely, when you want to be friendly and in the listening, receptive mode, tilt your head just a little to one side or other. You can shift the tilt from left to right at different points in the conversation.

4) ARMS give away the clues as to how open and receptive we are to everyone we meet and interact with, so keep your arms out to the side of your body or behind your back. This shows you are not scared to take on whatever comes your way and you meet things "full frontal". In general terms the more outgoing you are as a person, the more you tend to use your arms with big movements. The quieter you are the less you move your arms away from your body. So, try to strike a natural balance and keep your arm movements midway. When you want to come across in the best possible light, crossing the arms is a no, no in front of others. Obviously if someone says something that gets your goat, then by all means show your disapproval by crossing them!

5) LEGS are the furthest points away from the brain, consequently they're the hardest bits of our bodies to consciously control. They tend move around a lot more than normal when we are nervous, stressed or being deceptive. So best to keep them as still as possible in most situations, especially at interviews or work meetings. Be careful too in the way you cross your legs. Do you cross at the knees, ankles or bring your leg up to rest on the knee of the other? This is more a question of comfort than anything else. Just be aware that the last position mentioned is known as the "Figure Four" and is generally perceived as the most defensive leg cross, especially if it happens as someone tells a you something that might be of a slightly dubious nature, or moments after. (As always, look for a sequence)

6) ANGLE OF THE BODY in relation to others gives an indication of our attitudes and feelings towards them. We angle toward people we find attractive, friendly and interesting and angle ourselves away from those we don't, it's that simple! Angles includes leaning in or away from people, as we often just tilt from the pelvis and lean sideways to someone to share a bit of conversation. For example, we are not in complete control of our angle at the cinema because of the seating nor at a concert when we stand shoulder to shoulder and are packed in like sardines. In these situations we tend to lean over towards the other person.

7) HAND gestures are so numerous it's hard to give a brief guide but here goes. Palms slightly up and outward is seen as open and friendly. Palm down gestures are generally seen as dominant, emphasizing and possibly aggressive, especially when there is no movement or bending between the wrist and the forearm. This palm up, palm down is very important when it comes to handshaking and where appropriate we suggest you always offer a handshake upright and vertical, which should convey equality.

8) DiSTANCE FROM OTHERS is crucial if you want to give off the right signals. Stand too close and you'll be marked as "Pushy" or "In your face". Stand or sit too far away and you'll be "Keeping your distance" or "Stand offish". Neither are what we want, so observe if in a group situation how close are all the other people to each other. Also notice if you move closer to someone and they back away, you're probably just a tiny bit too much in their personal space, their comfort zone. "You've overstepped the mark" and should pull back a little.

9) EARS, yes your ears play a vital role in communication with others, even though general terms most people can't move them much, if at all. However, you've got two ears and only one mouth, so try to use them in that order. If you listen twice as much as you talk you come across as a good communicator who knows how to strike up a balanced a conversation without being me, me, me or the wallflower.

10) MOUTH movements can give away all sorts of clues. We purse our lips and sometimes twist them to the side when we're thinking. Another occasion we might use this movement is to hold back an angry comment we don't wish to reveal. Nevertheless, it will probably be spotted by other people and although they may not know the comment, they will get a feeling you were not to pleased.

The Seven Keys to Child Obedience

By Anthony Kane, MD (see http://addadhdadvances.com/obedience.html)

Learning obedience is an important part of child development. This is the tool that allows you as parents to train your child. Through obedience your child will learn self-control and develop other positive character traits that he will need as an adult.

However, child obedience cannot be forced. Parents who simply command their children will foster resentment, which will eventually lead to rebellion. In fact, some researchers feel that poor parenting techniques contribute to the development of oppositional defiant disorder in some children. Although you can punish a child for not obeying, this will not foster any long-term obedience. When the child reaches his teen years and becomes more independent, punishment will only serve to destroy the already faltering parent child relationship.

Our goal then is not to force our children to obey us, but to get them to want to obey us. This willingness to obey will only come about if the parent’s commands are based upon seven principles.

1) Loving Concern for the Child
A child knows quickly whether a parent’s demands are for the sake of the child or for the personal convenience of the parent. If the parent’s primary motive for giving orders is to make his own life easier, then the child learns to place his own interests first, also.

If you want to be successful in raising your child, then your reason for giving orders must be for the benefit of your child. When your child senses that your demands are for his sake, he will much more readily obey you. He knows that it is for his own good. He will know that any demands made of him, no matter how unpleasant, come from a genuine concern for his welfare.

2) Sincere Respect for the Child
Parents must respect their children. This is a concept that is not well practised by our society. Western society focuses on possessions. Somehow in the back of many parents’ minds their children are counted among those possessions. We must remember that our children are not objects, but people. As people, they are deserving of respect. We must remember to give respect to our child to the same degree we would like others to respect us.

3) Patience
Very often our children do things that bother us. This is usually unintentional on their part and is just a reflection of their immaturity. However, if we show our children that we are annoyed they will begin to resent us. This resentment feeds their desire to rebel against our wishes. One of our goals as parents must be to try to keep our negative emotions in check.

4) Speaking Softly
Nothing gains a child’s co-operation more than a gentle tone of voice. Speaking softly helps us to control our negative emotions, especially anger. A soft voice soothes and is more likely to be met with co-operation. It creates a relaxed atmosphere and is reassuring to children.

When we speak in a soft voice it also conveys strength. We show our children that we are in control of the situation and not merely reacting to it. If the only step you take is to control the volume of your voice, particularly in stressful situations, that alone will foster better child compliance. You will find that everything around you goes more smoothly.

5) Make Moderate Demands
No one likes having demands placed upon him. Children are no different. Yet we are constantly commanding our children. We feel that as parents we must take steps to correct every misdemeanour that we see. When the orders become excessive or arbitrary the parent becomes more like a dictator that an educator.

If you place a lot of obligations on your child, then your child is going to resent and resist your authority. One of the most important steps in getting your child to listen to you is to reduce the amount of demands that you place upon him. This will require you to stay calm and overlook a lot of childish behaviour. Commands should be made thoughtfully and be within reasonable limits. The general rule is that if a certain behaviour is not something your child will be doing as an adult and if it is not dangerous, then you should not make it a priority to correct.

6) Follow Through
Even if you do all that has been mentioned so far, you will still need to give your child orders. When you do so, you must be firm and make sure that your child obeys. If you give your child an instruction you must insist that he fulfill it. Often it will be easier or more convenient to just overlook disobedience. This is the end will erode your authority as a parent.

You should only make moderate and well thought out demands on your child. However, when you do make those orders your child must fulfill them. If we want our children to take our words seriously, then we must show them that we are serious.

7) Be Free with ‘Yes’, but not with ‘No’
We must try to grant every reasonable request our children make of us. They should feel that we are giving to them freely and in overflowing abundance at all times. You should make it a rule to give your child whatever he wants unless you have a good reason not to do so.

In addition, we should try to temper our use of ‘no’. Try not to avoid saying ‘no’ whenever possible. For example, if your child wants to have a treat before dinner and you want him to eat first, rather than say ‘no’ or ‘not now’ say, ‘yes, after dinner.’ This small change in the way you use the words ‘yes’ and ‘no’ will change your child’s perception from the feeling that most of his desires are being denied to that most of them are being granted.

Conclusion
It is natural for a child to want to obey his parents. It is also necessary for his proper growth and development. Applying these seven keys will help you to make it easier for your child to obey you.

Love Wealth & Success!

A woman came out of her house and saw 3 old men with long white beards sitting in her front yard. She did not recognize them. She said "I don't think I know you, but you must be hungry. Please come in and have something to eat." "Is the man of the house home?", they asked.

"No", she replied. "He's out." "Then we cannot come in", they replied. In the evening when her husband came home, she told him what had happened. "Go tell them I am home and invite them in!"

The woman went out and invited the men in. "We do not go into a House together," they replied. "Why is that?" she asked. One of the old men explained: "His name is Wealth," he said pointing to one of his friends, and said pointing to another one, "He is Success, and I am Love."

Then he added, "Now go in and discuss with your husband which one of us you want in your home." The woman went in and told her husband what was said. Her husband was overjoyed. "How nice!!", he said. "Since that is the case, let us invite Wealth. Let him come and fill our home with wealth!"

His wife disagreed. "My dear, why don't we invite Success?" Their daughter-in-law was listening from the other corner of the house. She jumped in with her own suggestion: "Would it not be better to invite Love? Our home will then be filled with love!"

"Let us heed our daughter-in-law's advice," said the husband to his wife. "Go out and invite Love to be our guest." The woman went out and asked the 3 old men, "Which one of you is Love? Please come in and be our guest." Love got up and started walking toward the house.

The other 2 also got up and followed him. Surprised, the lady asked Wealth and Success: "I only invited Love, Why are you coming in?" The old men replied together:
"If you had invited Wealth or Success, the other two of us would've stayed out, but since you invited Love, wherever He goes, we go with him.

Wherever there is Love there is also Wealth and Success!

In Case of Emergency (ICE)

Due to the recent bombing in London and floods in Mumbai, there has been a tremendous push to launch the International "In Case of Emergency" (ICE) campaign. Many people were injured in these incidents and many of those injured were found with their mobile phones. First responders used the injured person's mobile phone to try and locate a family member that they could notify on the injured persons behalf.

However the rescuers found it difficult to locate the appropriate person. Wireless subscribers are now being asked by Public Safety Officials all over the world to store the word "ICE" in their wireless phone address book and put their next of kin's phone number next to it.

In the event of an emergency, this person would be contacted quickly by ambulance and hospital staff. Source: BBC News)

Please take a moment to programme "ICE" and the number of someone that you would like contacted in case of an emergency. Public Safety officials around the world will know what this means.

Defusing Stress At Work

In many cases, workplace stress is an ongoing problem that requires dedicated attention. On the organizational level, improvements such as better delegation of responsibility help relieve stress by taking the workload off of key employees. On a personal level, relaxation and coping techniques are suggested in many articles in the HighBeam Library to help relieve stress.

Here are some tips from selected articles in the HighBeam Research Library on how to manage stress.

Name Your Stress. Identifying what's stressing you out is the first step to managing it. You may also want to keep a stress diary where you record the occasions that are stressful to you, or trigger anger or anxiety that cause a physical response like sour stomach or a headache.

Divide a massive job into manageable parts and manage job complexity by delegating responsibly. Delegate! Delegate! Cultivate allies at work to help with monumental tasks as they present themselves.

Take Care of Yourself. Get enough rest. Build quiet time each day, even if it's just a few minutes. Learn relaxation techniques. Maintain good nutrition and increase water consumption. As an expert says, "Stress-related headaches are often simple cases of dehydration."

Reward Yourself. Mark successes with anything from a candy bar to a night out. Don't just charge ahead to the next impossible task. As the experts say, "Give yourself a medal" and savor the moment.

Learn to Laugh. Laughing releases endophines in the body, which helps you function more effectively. Laughter also enhances creativity.

Get Fit. Exercise is unparalleled for reducing stress and improving your health. If intense workouts are not for you, try yoga or pilates. These mind-body exercises are slower paced and more relaxing. When choosing the best exercise program for yourself, consider what you are trying to accomplish and what you enjoy.

Take Vacations. It's important to have a proper break to fully disconnect from the pressures of work and re-energize. By booking a vacation in advance you also have something fun to look forward to...and don't take the laptop along.

Get Help if things are just too stressful. Consider a good personal or employee assistance counselor. Talking to someone with an objective viewpoint can put a fresh perspective on problems.

Your Failure Quotient!

The president of my college gave the best speech any luminary ever could have at my graduation. Addressing the hundreds of students, he said that now that we were graduating, our success in life no longer depended on our I.Q., but rather on our F.Q. - our Failure Quotient; how many times we could be knocked down but keep getting back up and slowly moving forward.

I don't know if any of my fellow graduates remembered those words, but I never forgot them. I have seen over and over again in my life and in the lives of others how a high F.Q. is the key to success - the one factor that all people of accomplishment have in common.

Having a high Failure Quotient is a paradox; we aren't accustomed to equating failure with success. When we think of super-winners or super-successful people - whether they be superstar athletes like Michael Jordan, renowned politicians like Rudy Giuliani, or famed entrepreneurs like Ross Perot or Walt Disney - we usually think of them in the lap of luxury, at the top of the world, and at the height of ease and power.

Yet Michael Jordan is known as the greatest basketball player of all time for one thing: his ability to "turn on" in the fourth quarter; not the first, second or third quarter, mind you. But in the fourth quarter, when his team is often down, when things are most crucial, and when lesser players in sports - and more passive people in life - are ready to throw in the towel.

Everyone knows Rudy Giuliani as one the heroes of September 11th, the man who mobilized his city, and lifted our country and the world up out of the grip of fear surrounding one of the most traumatic events in history. Few people remember that just a short time before September 11, 2001, Rudy Giuliani's future had been discounted. He had to withdraw from the New York Senate race because of a serious illness.

Now ask yourself, on a scale of 1 to 100, at what level is Rudy Giuliani's Failure Quotient? How about Michael Jordan's? And most importantly, how about yours?

When we get a rejection or have a setback, it s very hard not to feel at least momentarily thrown off course. Yet I believe that a major benefit people receive who have gone through difficult life challenges is that no matter what other daily challenge they face, they can measure it against the larger life adversity they ve overcome, and put it into its proper perspective. Whether you have been through a serious illness, loss of a loved one, divorce, or have been a victim of violence, the rest of your life you can benefit by using that experience to weigh everything else you face against it.

Here s a simple exercise that will make moving forward toward your goals and getting past obstacles, rejections, setbacks, and disappointments exactly one hundred times easier.
1) Before you start out on any project, whether it be seeking a customer if you re in sales, seeking a publisher if you re a writer, or seeking a mate if you re single, take a blank piece of lined paper and number each line 1 through 100. Make 2 columns if you need to as well as using both sides of the sheet.
2) Got it done? Now make multiple photocopies of this form for future use. (It s a long life. . .)
3) Now set out to do your goal or task. When you receive your first obstacle, rejection, disappointment or setback, put a checkmark next to number 1. When you hit your second obstacle, put a checkmark next to space number 2. The third, a checkmark on space number 3, and so on.

Now, here s the most important part:
When you start your project or goal, expect it may take 100 attempts to accomplish it! No, this is not a negative mindset. It simply acknowledges that you may need to try a number of approaches before you get something to work, or someone to accept you or your offer. Acknowledging beforehand that you re ready to put your all into at least 100 tries gives you the mindset of unstoppability.

I was counselling a lady on the phone recently who was going through a very complex legal struggle with an abusive ex- husband. She had gone to a number of attorneys, all of whom had told her she didn't have a case. I knew her situation and what kind of person she was. I also knew there were attorneys out there who would be willing and capable of helping this kind-hearted person, even if they would be hard to find. She was feeling frustrated and defeated, so I told her to make out such a 1-100 list. I also told her that I would feel sorry for her only after she got to number 100 without finding an appropriate attorney.

Guess what? By the time she had gotten to number 3, she found the perfect one! A "compassionate bulldog" who immediately lifted 95 percent of the stress off her shoulders of handling her incorrigible ex-husband.

What would her life been like had she not made that list? How many candles would we be burning a day to light our homes if Thomas Edison had stopped at failed experiment number 10,000, 20,000 or 30,000 instead of going on to do the 50,000 it required to invent the light bulb?

Don't hesitate. Make your photocopied 1-100 lists now. If you don t accomplish a specific goal by attempt number 100, give me a call. I will honestly tell you how sorry I feel for you.

By Dr Michael Norwood

The 6 A's of Good Parenting!

Parenting is all about relating.The better our relationship with our children, the better our chances at effective parenting. There are six factors that play into good parenting. He calls them the 6 A's.

1. Affirmation

When we affirm a child's feelings it gives them a sense of authenticity. Have you ever heard the old saying, "Laugh with those who are happy and cry with those who are sad?" It means that when our child is sharing his feelings or opinions, they want us to listen and affirm them.

It would go something like this. Your son comes home and says, "Man! My math teacher made me so mad today, he said I wasn't trying."

Well, your instinct might be to try to downplay the situation like this, "Oh son, he probably didn't mean anything by it. Let it go." Or you might say - before you even address his feelings - "Now son, were you trying? Maybe he had a point." Or, "You're a big boy now, you can't get so upset about things."

Those are all attempts to control or fix the situation. Instead try, "Son, I am so sorry that happened. How do you feel about it now." Even when we don't agree with our children, we can still affirm them as individuals.

2. Acceptance

When you give unconditional acceptance you give a child a sense of security. This basically comes down to one principle that must be conveyed to our children: I don't love you because of what you do or achieve, I love you because you're my child. Our love and affection should not be based on grades, behavior or achievements.

3. Appreciation

When we express appreciation it gives a child a sense of significance. Appreciation is one of the most powerful motivations for right behavior. So, the more we "catch" our children doing things right, and we express our appreciation, the more motivated they will be to behave better.

4. Availability

When we are available to our children it gives them a sense of importance. We can say all we want about how important our children are to us. But if we're not giving them our time, our words will ring hollow. Our children should come before our TV-watching, our hobbies and our desire to make money. Children spell love - T-I-M-E.

5. Affection

When we show our children affection it gives them a sense of lovability. All children want to feel like they are lovable. Josh McDowell says not only that, but every child is going to prove they are lovable. If they don't get love from you they will get it somewhere else.

6. Accountability

When we hold children accountable it gives them a sense of responsibility and self-control. Children need the disciplines of responsibility and self-control to function successfully in life. As parents, we must create a context for rules and boundaries. Once those guidelines are set, we must be consistent in enforcing them.

By: Family First Staff

Conversation With God

Here is an interesting conversation between God and Man:

God: Hello. Did you call me?
Me: Called you? No. Who is this?

God: This is GOD. I heard your prayers. So I thought I will chat.
Me: I do pray. Just makes me feel good. I am actually busy now. I am in the midst of something.

God: What are you busy at? Ants are busy too.
Me: Don't know. But I can't find free time. Life has become hectic. It's rush hour all the time.

God: Sure. Activity gets you busy. But productivity gets you results. Activity consumes time. Productivity frees it.
Me: I understand. But I still can't figure out. By the way, I was not expecting YOU to buzz me on instant messaging chat.

God: Well, I wanted to resolve your fight for time, by giving you some clarity. In this net era, I wanted to reach you through the medium that you are comfortable with.
Me: Tell me, why has life become complicated now?

God: Stop analysing life. Just live it. Analysis is what makes it complicated.
Me: Why are we then constantly unhappy?

God: Your today is the tomorrow that you worried about yesterday. You are worrying because you are analysing. Worrying has become your habit. That's why you are not happy.
Me: But how can we not worry when there is so much uncertainty?

God: Uncertainty is inevitable, but worrying is optional.
Me: But then, there is so much pain due to uncertainty.

God: Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.
Me: If suffering is optional, why do good people always suffer?

God: Diamond cannot be polished without friction. Gold cannot be purified without fire. Good people go through trials, but don't suffer. With that experience their life become better, not bitter.
Me: You mean to say such experience is useful?

God: Yes. In every term, Experience is a hard teacher. She gives the test first and the lessons afterwards.
Me: But still, why should we go through such tests? Why can't we be free from problems?

God: Problems are:
P Purposeful
R Roadblocks
O Offering
B Beneficial
L Lessons to
E Enhance
M Mental
S Strength.
Inner strength comes from struggle and endurance, not when you are free from problems.
Me: Frankly in the midst of so many problems, we don't know where we are heading.

God: If you look outside you will not know where you are heading. Look inside. Looking outside, you dream. Looking inside, you awaken. Eyes provide sight. Heart provides insight.
Me: Sometimes not succeeding fast seems to hurt more than moving in the right direction. What should I do?

God: Success is a measure as decided by others. Satisfaction is a measure as decided by you. Knowing the road ahead is more satisfying than knowing you rode ahead. You work with the compass. Let others work with the clock.
Me: In tough times, how do you stay motivated?

God: Always look at how far you have come rather than how far you have to go. Always count your blessing, not what you are missing.
Me: What surprises you about people?

God: When they suffer they ask, "why me?" When they prosper, they never ask "Why me?" Everyone wishes to have truth on their side, but few want to be on the side of the truth.
Me: Sometimes I ask, who am I, why am I here. I can't get the answer.

God: Seek not to find who you are, but to determine who you want to be. Stop looking for a purpose as to why you are here. Create it. Life is not a process of discovery, but a process of creation.
Me: How can I get the best out of life?

God: Face your past without regret. Handle your present with confidence. Prepare for the future without fear.
Me: One last question. Sometimes I feel my prayers are not answered.

God: There are no unanswered prayers. At times the answer is NO.
Me: Thank you for this wonderful chat. I am so happy to start the New Day with a new sense of inspiration.

God: Well. Keep the faith and drop the fear. Don't believe your doubts and doubt your beliefs. Life is a mystery to solve, not a problem to resolve. Trust me. Life is wonderful if you know how to live it.... If you don't like the answer, you shouldn't have asked the question...

*** Author Unknown

Characteristics of the Self Disciplined Achiever

By Ken Jackson

This list came out of some research conducted at Stanford University and can be found on the Neuropsychology of Self-Discipline audio tapes.

Characteristics of the Self Disciplined Achiever:
 Strong, well defined sense of purpose
 Will go to any lengths to achieve that purpose
 Is committed
 Seeks out and uses positive role models (ie: mentor)
 Strength of imagination
 Uses visualization to achieve goals
 Positive sensory orientation
 Positive attitude
 Doesn't have a fear of failure
 Self assured
 Can plan and organize
 Ability to acquire knowledge and skills in order to make a goal achievable
 Doesn't take shortcuts
 Is patient
 Knows that accomplishment takes time
 Persistent
 Will not give up
 Relentless in their pursuit of their goal
 Ability to experience pleasure while working toward their goal.

Job Description For Parenting

Here's another way to look at parenting. This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way, none of us would have done it!!!!

POSITION:
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa

JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and co-ordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.

Isn't that so true? So, still want the job?

VALUES 101

By Dr. John C. Maxwell

When the legendary John Wooden was coaching basketball at UCLA, he seldom made home visits to prospective players. He did make an occasional exception, however, like the time he went to see an extremely talented prospect who had great potential to help his team.

Wooden had every intention of offering the player a scholarship that night. In fact, all the necessary paperwork was ready and waiting in the pocket of his suit coat. But when he left the player's house later that evening, the scholarship was still in his pocket.

What changed Wooden's mind?

His decision had nothing to do with basketball, that's for sure. Rather, as Wooden watched the player interact with his mother, he was troubled by what he saw as a decided lack of respect. He surmised that a young man who spoke disrespectfully to his mom probably wouldn't respect his coach, either. That was enough to keep Wooden from offering him a spot on the team.

When Wooden shared this story with me, he noted that he had often passed on exceptional talent if the player lacked good values. "What I have found is, just because the talent and the giftedness is there doesn't mean you're going to be able, as a coach, to bring it out of them," he said. "But if their values are there-the right ones-you can bring the best out of them every time."

This story is a great illustration of an important teamwork concept: Values-those guiding principles that influence and guide behavior-determine the foundation of the team. When the members of a team are guided by respect, integrity, excellence and other positive attributes, their footing as a group is strong. Their shared values provide stability for their organization to build upon.

That's not all a strong set of values will do for a group of people working together, of course. Let me illustrate with a few word pictures.

· Values are like glue. They hold an organization together.

· Values are like a ruler. They set the standard for a team's performance.

· Values are like a compass. They give direction and guidance.

· Values are like a magnet. They attract like-minded people.

· Values provide identity. They define and identify the team.

It's easy to talk about values in a generic sense. It takes a bit more effort to identify the specific principles that your company or team lives by, and even more discipline to communicate those values effectively to each person you hire. Sharp new employees will be able to ascertain much of what your organization believes in by watching your team in action. But it's always helpful when you reinforce those non-verbal messages with some kind of structured presentation that explains who you are and what you believe in as a company.

I did this very thing several years ago when I moved my company to Atlanta from San Diego. We hired quite a few people when we moved, and to bring them up to speed on where we had come from organizationally, I gave them a formal overview of who we were and what was important to us.

In this talk, I articulated the following values to my team:

1. Personal growth. It is the responsibility of each individual to grow personally, but it's the leader's responsibility to help facilitate that process. You can grow your organization only as much as you grow your people.

2. Making a significant contribution. I believe every person ought to do something that he or she truly believes is making a difference.

3. Living and working with passion. I don't know about you, but I want everyone around me to love what they do as much as I do. I have no desire to motivate people the people I work with to get passionate about life. I would rather beg them to find another job!

4. Commitment to excellence. As I've written in this column before, I believe each of us should set the bar higher for ourselves than anybody else will.

5. Team leadership. The only way to build a successful organization is by developing a great team around you.

6. Living a life of integrity. Without this, everything else is meaningless.

Finally, the best way to ensure that everyone on your team is guided by similar principles is to examine each prospective employee through the lens of your organization's values and hire only those individuals who share those same values. If their values already match yours, they'll fit in much more quickly and start being productive a lot sooner than they would if you had to help them adapt to your company's mindset.

Punch Line: Be Prepared. Please read the following quotes to get the message.

The will to win is worthless if you do not have the will to prepare." - Thane Yost

"The best preparation for tomorrow is to do today's work superbly well." - Sir William Osler

"I thatched my roof when the sun was shining, and now I am not afraid of the storm." - George F. Stivers

LOVE Remains... 1,000 Pieces of Paper Cranes

There was once this guy who is very much in love with his girl. This romantic guy folded 1,000 pieces of paper cranes as a gift to his girl. Although, at that time he was just a small fry in his company, his future doesn't seem too bright, they were very happy together. Until one day, his girl told him she was going to Paris and will never come back. She also told him that she cannot visualise any future for the both of them, so they went their own ways there and then...

Heartbroken, the guy agreed. But when he regained his confidence, he worked hard day and night, slogging his body and mind just to make something out of himself. Finally with all the hard work and the help of friends, this guy had set up his own company.

You never fail until you stop trying.

One rainy day, while this guy was driving, he saw an elderly couple sharing an umbrella in the rain walking to some destination. Even with the umbrella, they were still drenched. It didn't take him long to realize they were his girl's parents. With a heart in getting back at them, he drove slowly beside the couple, wanting them to spot him in
his luxury sedan.

He wanted them to know that he wasn't the same any more; he had his own company, car, condo, etc. He made it! What he saw next confused him, the couple was walking towards a cemetery, and so he got out of his car and followed...and he saw his girl, a photograph of her smiling sweetly as ever at him from her tombstone and he saw his paper cranes right beside her.

Her parents saw him. He asked them why this had happened. They explained, she did not leave for France at all. She was ill with cancer. She had believed that he will make it someday, but she did not want to be his obstacle, therefore she had chosen to leave him. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. She had wanted her parents to put his paper cranes beside her, because, if the day comes when fate brings him to her again, he can take some of those back with him. Once you have loved, you will always love. For what's in your mind may escape but what's in your heart will remain forever.

The guy just wept...The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside her knowing you can't have her, see her or be with her ever again. Hope you understand.

Find time to realize that there is one person who means so much to you, for you might wake up one morning losing that person who you thought meant nothing to you.

KINDNESS Pays!

One day, a poor boy who was selling goods from door to door to pay his way through school, found he had only one thin dime left, and he was hungry. He decided he would ask for a meal at the next house. However, he lost his nerve when a lovely young woman opened the door. Instead of a meal he asked for a drink of water. She thought he looked hungry so brought him a large glass of milk. He drank it slowly, and then asked, "How much do I owe you?"

"You don't owe me anything," she replied. "Mother has taught us never to accept payment for a kindness."

He said, "Then I thank you from my heart." As Howard Kelly left that house, he not only felt; stronger physically, but his faith in God and man was strong also. He had been ready to give up and quit.

Years later that young woman became critically ill. The local doctors were baffled. They finally sent her to the big city, where they called in specialists to study her rare disease. Dr. Howard Kelly was called in for the consultation. When he heard the name of the town she came from, a strange light filled his eyes.

Immediately he rose and went down the hall of the hospital to her room. Dressed in his doctor's gown he went in to see her. He recognized her at once. He went back to the consultation room determined to do his best to save her life. From that day he gave special attention to the case.

After a long struggle, the battle was won. Dr. Kelly requested the business office to pass the final bill to him for approval. He looked at it, then wrote something on the edge and the bill was sent to her room. She feared to open it, for she was sure it would take the rest of her life to pay for it all. Finally, she looked, and something caught; her attention on the side as She read these words... "Paid in full with one glass of milk." (Signed) Dr. Howard Kelly. Tears of joy flooded her eyes as her happy heart prayed: "Thank You, GOD, that Your love has spread abroad through human hearts and hands."

FIVE GREAT LESSONS IN LIFE

FIVE GREAT LESSONS - Author's Unknown

First Important Lesson

During one time in life, I was given a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions, until I read the last one:

"What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"

Surely this was some kind of joke.

I had seen her cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her name?

I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank.Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade.

"Absolutely," said the professor.

"In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say 'hello'."

I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.

Second Important Lesson

In the rain one night, at 11:30 PM, an older black woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rain storm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car. A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in the conflict-filled 60's. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxi cab.
She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him.

Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A special note was attached.

It read: "Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along.
Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away. God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others."

Sincerely, Mrs. Nat King Cole.

Third Important Lesson

Always remember those who serve you. In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10 year old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him. "How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked. "Fifty cents," replied the waitress. The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it.

"Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired. By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient. "Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied." The little boy again counted his coins. "I'll have the plain ice cream," he said.

The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he wanted enough left to leave her a tip.

Fourth Important Lesson

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the king for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.

Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been.

The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the king indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand. Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.

Fifth Important Lesson

Giving When it Counts. Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare and serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness.

The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister. I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, "Yes, I'll do it if it will save her.."

As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheeks. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "How long until I die?" Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her.

You see understanding and attitude, after all, is everything.

100 Practical Tips To Reduce Stress

Don't let stress wear you down. Next time you are feeling stressed, step back from the situation and try one of the following tips to take control of the situation and de-stress:
1. Pray
2. Meditate
3. Take an aromatherapy bath
4. Get a massage
5. Give a massage
6. Write in your journal
7. Stretch
8. Practice yoga
9. Help someone in need
10. Read a book
11. Plant a garden
12. Watch a good movie
13. Get a facial
14. Cook a healthy meal
15. Eat a healthy balanced diet
16. Cut back on sugars and caffeine
17. Give a hug
18. Get a hug
19. Create a scrapbook
20. Exercise
21. Take a vacation
22. Get a manicure
23. Get a pedicure
24. Call a loved one
25. Call an old friend you haven't spoken to in a while
26. Do a puzzle
27. Make love to your spouse
28. Buy yourself something special
29. Take a walk
30. Listen to music
31. Read to your children
32. Play a game
33. Play a sport
34. Spend time with your family
35. Visit a spa
36. Get your hair done
37. Get organized
38. Laugh
39. Make someone else laugh
40. Visit friends
41. Have a good cry
42. Take a nap
43. Draw
44. Paint
45. Color with your child
46. Volunteer
47. Sing
48. Take a long drive
49. Go hiking
50. Tell someone you love them
51. Love yourself
52. Encourage others
53. Be patient
54. Be quiet
55. Have a intimate dinner party with family and friends
56. Say Hello, Good Morning, Good Afternoon or Good Evening to someone
57. Go to an aquarium or zoo
58. Imagine
59. Listen
60. Don't worry
61. Let go of the past
62. Think positive
63. Be thankful
64. Be humble
65. Enjoy a candlelight dinner
66. Bake some brownies
67. Live your dreams
68. Take your pet for a walk
69. Play a game your pet
70. Enjoy a sundae
71. De-Clutter your life
72. Arrive to work 15 minutes early
73. Have a picnic
74. Get 8 hours of sleep per night
75. Slow down
76. Don't try to do everything in one day
77. Be assertive
78. Stop procrastinating
79. Turn your hobby into a business
80. Have faith
81. Share your faith with others
82. Give yourself a bouquet of flowers
83. Squeeze a de-stress ball
84. Turn off negative mind chatter
85. Play an instrument
86. Learn a new language
87. Dance
88. Start your day with a daily devotional
89. Don't spend money you don't have
90. Send An Online Greeting to a loved one..Just Because
91. Don' participate in gossip or other negative conversations
92. Look on the bright side
93. Practice Tai Chi
94. Take a Stress Management Course
95. Finish something you started
96. Have a "Girls Night Out"
97. Go to a museum
98. Go to a poetry reading or Read A Poem
99. Go Stargazing
100. Be adventurous

It doesn't matter which one of the tips above you choose to follow. The point is to not stay caught up in the stressful situation. Being stressed is part mindset and part environment. Once you decide that you are not going to allow yourself to be stressed and change your environment you will quickly calm down and start to feel better.

By Erica Brooks

Lessons In Your Life

1. YOU WILL RECEIVE A BODY... You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours for the entire period you're around.

2. YOU WILL LEARN LESSONS... You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called life. Each day in this school you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think them irrelevant and stupid.

3. THERE ARE NO MISTAKES, ONLY LESSONS... Growth is a process of trial and error, experimentation. The "Failed" experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiment that ultimately "works".

4. A LESSON IS REPEATED UNTIL LEARNED... A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can then go on to the next lesson.

5. LEARNING LESSONS DOES NOT END... There is no part of life that does not contain its lessons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.

6. "THERE" IS NO BETTER THAN "HERE"... When your "There" has become a "Here", you will simply obtain another "There" that will, again, look better than "Here".

7. OTHERS ARE MERELY MIRRORS OF YOU... You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.

8. WHAT YOU MAKE OF YOUR LIFE IS UP TO YOU... You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.

9. YOUR ANSWERS LIE INSIDE YOU... The answers to life's questions lie inside you. All you need to do is look, listen and trust.

10. YOU WILL FORGET ALL THIS... Unless you consistently stay focused on the goals you have set for yourself, everything you've just read won't mean any thing.

AKHIL SUTARIA

Seed Of Honesty

Unknown source

Once there was an emperor in the Far East who was growing old and knew it was coming time to choose his successor. Instead of choosing one of his assistants or one of his own children, he decided to do something different.

He called all the young people in the kingdom together one day. He said, "It has come time for me to step down and to choose the next emperor. I have decided to choose one of you." The kids were shocked! But the emperor continued. "I am going to give each one of you a seed today. One seed. It is a very special seed. I want you to go home, plant the seed, water it and come back here one year from today with what you have grown from this one seed. I will then judge the plants that you bring to me, and the one I choose will be the next emperor of the kingdom!"

There was one boy named Ling who was there that day and he, like the others, received a seed. He went home and excitedly told his mother the whole story. She helped him get a pot and some planting soil, and he planted the seed and watered it carefully. Every day he would water it and watch to see if it had grown.

After about three weeks, some of the other youths began to talk about their seeds and the plants that were beginning to grow. Ling kept going home and checking his seed, but nothing ever grew. Three weeks, four weeks, five weeks went by. Still nothing.

By now others were talking about their plants but Ling didn't have a plant, and he felt like a failure. Six months went by, still nothing in Ling's pot. He just knew he had killed his seed. Everyone else had trees and tall plants, but he had nothing. Ling didn't say anything to his friends, however. He just kept waiting for his seed
to grow.

A year finally went by and all the youths of the kingdom brought their plants to the emperor for inspection. Ling told his mother that he wasn't going to take an empty pot. But she encouraged him to go, and to take his pot, and to be honest about what happened. Ling felt sick to his stomach, but he knew his mother was right. He took his empty pot to the palace.

When Ling arrived, he was amazed at the variety of plants grown by all the other youths. They werebeautiful, in all shapes and sizes. Ling put his empty pot on the floor and many of the other kinds laughed at him. A few felt sorry for him and just said, "Hey nice try."

When the emperor arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted the young people. Ling just tried to hide in the back. "My, what great plants, trees and flowers you have grown," said the emperor. "Today, one of you will be appointed the next emperor!"

All of a sudden, the emperor spotted Ling at the back of the room with his empty pot. He ordered his guards to bring him to the front. Ling was terrified. "The emperor knows I'm a failure! Maybe he will have me killed!"

When Ling got to the front, the Emperor asked his name. "My name is Ling," he replied. All the kids were laughing and making fun of him. The emperor asked everyone to quiet down. He looked at Ling, and then announced to the crowd, "Behold your new emperor! His name is Ling!" Ling couldn't believe it. Ling couldn't even grow his seed. How could he be the new emperor?

Then the emperor said, "One year ago today, I gave everyone here a seed. I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it, and bring it back to me today. But I gave you all boiled seeds which would not grow. All of you, except Ling, have brought me trees and plants and flowers. When you found that the seed would not grown, you substituted another seed for the one I gave you. Ling was the only one with the courage and honesty to bring me a pot with my seed in it. Therefore, he is the one who will be the new emperor!"

Five Messages To Give Your Kids To Boost Their Self-Esteem

Adults are always giving kids messages as they interact with them. These messages range from managerial type (you left the towel on the floor again) to messages that influence their self-esteem (you did that job well). We also can give kids positive life messages that promote a sense of resilience and provide clues about how they should think and behave both now and in later years.

Here are five life messages that adults can give children every day by Michael Grose

1. I care for you.
Every person needs to feel that there is one person in their life who cares for them unconditionally. The notion of caring is shown in a number of ways. For teachers this can be construed as having a genuine interest in the well-being of an individual children. Parents can express caring through affection, genuine listening and providing opportunities for one-on-one time.

2. You are unique.
It is an quandary that we are group oriented creatures but we all want to feel important and unique. Remind children that as unique individuals they have their own strengths, talents and ways of solving problems. Never compare children to others and help each child focus on his or her strengths, even if they are not in the areas that parents and teachers value highly.

3. You can handle life's difficulties.
By stepping back and allowing children to resolve some of their day-to-day problems rather than resolving them ourselves or protecting them we show faith in children's abilities to fend for themselves. If we can develop in children a notion that "I can" rather than the notion of "if the conditions are right, with a little bit of luck I can do okay" then we provide them with reasons to be optimistic. When we step back a little we give kids the opportunity to develop their resourcefulness and initiative, which are two highly valued life skills.

4. You choose how you think, feel and behave.
An important life lesson to give children is that they have some control over how they think, feel and behave. Whether they smile or not is a choice that they make. They are not victims of emotions or events but they can choose how they react when positive or negative events happen.

5. There is no feeling so bad that you can't talk about it.
One vital life skill is the ability to speak about emotional issues rather than bottle feelings up or lash out at others. By acknowledging kids when they feel sad, angry or scared, providing opportunities to talk about feelings and giving them some strategies to deal with emotions we are equipping kids with fantastic life tools.

It helps sometimes to step back and assess the types of messages that we give children when we interact with them on a regular basis. Are we giving them messages or clues that promote a sense or resiliency or do we send messages that keep kids dependent on us as parents?

Lucy Doss
Manager - Training Coordination (Singapore)
Oscar Murphy Life Strategists P Ltd

Boastful Student-Archer

There was a young student-archer who reached such proficiency in his art that he could shoot an arrow into a tree and then cleave that arrow into two with the next shot. He began to boast that he was a greater archer than his guru.

One day his guru, a venerable old man in his 70's, asked the youth to accompany him on a trip across the hills. The journey was uneventful until they came to a deep chasm.A single log spanned the chasm. The guru walked down to the centre of the log, unshouldered his bow and taking an arrow shot it into a tree on the other side. His next shot cleaved the first arrow into two.

"Now it's your turn," he said, walking back to where his student was standing.

The youth stepped gingerly on the log and very slowly and carefully made his way to the middle. But his heart was in his mouth. He knew that if he lost his footing, he would plunge to his death. His hands trembled as he strung an arrow into his bow. Preoccupied with the danger he was in, he found it hard to focus on the target. Consequently when he let go of the arrow, it missed the tree altogether.

Whimpering, he turned around.
"Help me!" he shouted to his guru. "I'll fall!"

The old man walked up to him, took his hand and stepping backwards led him to safety. Neither of them said a word on the return journey but the boy had much to think about. He had realised that to be a master of his art it was not enough to know how to control the bow, he had to learn how to control his mind too.

The Strange Glowing Force

Two boys, in their early teens were hiking through a wooded area on the way back to their small village when they discovered a cave that a hermit made home. They had traveled very far and still had a long way to go before they returned home. They were hungry and tired and looking for a place to stay for the night.

When they saw the hermit, they started to run off. He beckoned to them to stay for a while. He didn't get many visitors and enjoyed company when the opportunity permitted. They started to make an excuse, but he persuaded them to stay.

So he invited them to dinner, and asked them of their journey and of the people and things they've encountered. The two boys enjoyed talking to the old man and were glad they had stayed. The food was very good and they were warm.

After the old man cleaned up from dinner, they sat around the fire, drank tea and continued to talk. The old man then said, "I have something for you boys." and went off into the cave.

He came back out with a very old wooden box. He sat down between the boys on the grounding crossing his legs in front of him. He placed the box in his lap and then looked first at the boy on his right, then turned to look at the boy on his left.

They both smiled as he looked at them and wondered what could be in the box. He lifted the latch and slowly opened the box. To the amazement of both boys, they saw a strange glowing force. It was vaguely ball shaped, yet had no apparent substance. However, the old man lifted it out of the box and held it in his hand.

"Here" he said, "I want both of you to have some of this" and he broke two large pieces off, leaving a very small piece, which he put back into the box. He then gave each piece of the strange mysterious object to the boys.

One of the boys said, "You have given us so much, that you have little left" The man replied, "It will grow back." He then added, "This is a very magical and powerful thing that I give to you. For if you break off a piece and give it to everyone you meet it will grow. If you do not give it away it will shrink and eventually fade away to nothing."

The boys looked at each other with an expression of doubt and skepticism in their faces. But they were appreciative and thanked the man. It had already been arranged that they would spend the night and boys went off to bed. The next morning, the smell of breakfast woke the two boys. Knowing they had to leave, the Hermit prepared a simple meal that would hold them until they could return home later in the afternoon.

He let them refill their water and gave them some jerky in case the breakfast wasn't enough. They thanked him again and were on their way. Once the boys got home, they told their families of the man and the strange gift they had each been given. Both boys made boxes for their gift. The first boy did as the stranger suggested and gave a piece of his to each of this family. The other boy did not. He kept it to himself and refused to give any of it away, even when asked for some.

As the years went by, each boy would show this gift to everyone they would meet. All who saw it marveled at it. The first boy continued to give part of his away and over the years it had grown and grown. Several times, he had made larger and larger boxes to keep it in. He gave it to everyone he met, including business associates, strangers and even the woman who became his wife.

Each time, he told the story of the hermit and the cave and passed along the instructions to share this fascinating gift. Eventually, his had grown so much that he could not contain it, it consumed his home, his neighbourhood and the entire countryside. In fact, he couldn't travel away from it. It seemed to always be around him.

The other did not, he kept his all to himself. He would show it to strangers and when they asked about it or tried to touch it, he would slam the lid shut on the box and return it to it's shelf. He did not realize that each time he held it back without giving a piece of it away, it would get smaller. Eventually, he went to the box and opened it, to find that his gift had disappeared. One day he happened to meet the other who was with him that day they received the gift.

He was somewhat resentful when they met. The man who had always given his away, stood tall and had the look of a successful business man, while he looked old and tired. Still, the successful man, asked him how he's been all these years and was genuinely interested in hearing his stories. But the second man bitterly stated, "I regret the day that old fool gave us that horrible thing. It's done nothing but wreck my life. After all these years, someone broke into my room and stole it, but I'm glad to be rid it of it. It's caused me nothing but misery"

"I don't understand." said the first man. "Did you not give it away as the hermit suggested?"

"I did not for if I had done that, I wouldn't have any left for myself"

"But now it's gone anyway, isn't it?" said the first man. "Here I will give you a piece of mine and you can have another start. You see, this gift we were given such a long time ago was not mysterious at all. What it is, is FRIENSHIP and you have to give it away to get some back in return."

Story written by Bob Massie, as told to him by a scout master. Friendship, love, the more you give, the more you get!

Journey To The Top

There once was a bunch of tiny frogs, who arranged a running competition.
The goal was to reach the top of a very high tower.

A big crowd had gathered around the tower to see the race and cheer on the contestants.
The race began...

Honestly:
No one in crowd really believed that the tiny frogs would reach the top of the tower. You heard statements such as: "Oh, WAY too difficult!! They will NEVER make it to the top." or: "Not a chance that they will succeed. The tower is too high!"

The tiny frogs began collapsing. One by one...... Except for those who in a fresh tempo were climbing higher and higher... The crowd continued to yell "It is too difficult!!! No one will make it!"

More tiny frogs got tired and gave up... ...But ONE continued higher and higher and higher... This one wouldn't give up! At the end everyone else had given up climbing the tower. Except for the one tiny frog who after a big effort was the only one who reached the top!

THEN all of the other tiny frogs naturally wanted to know how this one frog managed to do it? A contestant asked the tiny frog how the one who succeeded had found the strength to reach the goal? It turned out...That the winner was DEAF!!!!

The wisdom of this story is: Never listen to other people's tendencies to be negative or pessimistic... cause they take your most wonderful dreams and wishes away from you. The ones you have in your heart!

Always think of the power words have. Because everything you hear and read will affect your actions!

Therefore: ALWAYS be…POSITIVE!
And above all:
Be DEAF when people tell YOU that YOU can not fulfil YOUR dreams! Always think: I can do this!

Best Picture Of Peace

There once was a King who offered a prize to the artist who would paint the best picture of peace. Many artists tried. The King looked at all the pictures, but there were only two he really liked and he had to choose between them.

One picture was of a calm lake. The lake was a perfect mirror, for peaceful towering mountains were all around it. Overhead was a blue sky with fluffy white clouds. All who saw this picture thought that it was a perfect picture of peace.

The other picture had mountains, too. But these were rugged and bare. Above was an angry sky from which rain fell and in which lightening played. Down the side of the mountain tumbled a foaming waterfall. This did not look peaceful at all.

But when the King looked, he saw behind the waterfall a tiny bush growing in a crack in the rock. In the bush a mother bird had built her nest. There, in the midst of the rush of angry water, sat the mother bird on her nest... perfect peace.

Which picture do you think won the prize?

The King chose the second picture. Do you know why? "Because," explained the King, "peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. Peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart. That is the real meaning of peace."

Children Learn What They Live

If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn
If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight
If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy
If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty

If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient
If a child lives with encouragement, he learns confidence
If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate
If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice
If a child lives with security, he learn to have faith
If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, he learns to find love in the world

Top Ten Ways to Live Authentically

By Ann Ronan

1. Know your purpose
Are you wandering through life with little direction....hoping that you’ll find happiness, health and prosperity? Identify your life purpose or mission statement, and you'll have your own unique compass that will lead you to your true north every time.

2. Know your values
What do you value most? Make a list of your top 5 values. Some examples are security, freedom, family, spiritual development, learning. As you set your goals for 2004...check your goals against your values. If the goal doesn’t align with any of your top five values, you may want to reconsider it or revise it.

3. Know your needs
Unmet needs can keep you from living authentically. Take care of yourself. Do you have a need to be acknowledged, to be right, to be in control, to be loved? List your top four needs and get them met!

4. Know your passions
Honor those things that make your heart sing. Whatever it is, do more of it.

5. Live from the inside out
Increase your awareness of your inner wisdom by regularly reflecting in silence. Commune with nature. Breathe deeply to quiet your distracted mind.

6. Honor your strengths
What are your positive traits? What special talents do you have? List three—if you get stuck, ask those closest to you to help identify these. Are you imaginative, witty, good with your hands? Find ways to express your authentic self through your strengths.

7. Take time to play
Give yourself time to recharge doing things you love to do or by just doing nothing.

8. Be aware of your self-talk
Are you blocking your potential? Check out your first thoughts when you wake tomorrow. Are they supportive, encouraging or positive? Choose the kind of chatter that goes on in your mind. Become aware of the negative messages you give yourself. Gently catch them, and turn them into positive affirmations.

9. Surround yourself with inspiration
Keep a success journal. Write down your four or five greatest strengths and post them where you can see them. On the last Friday of each month, write down all your accomplishments, both big and small.

10. Serve others
When you live authentically, you may find that you develop an interconnected sense of being. When you are true to who you are, living your purpose and giving of your talents to the world around you, you give back in service what you came to share with others—your spirit—your essence.

Journey of life - Climbing 80 floors without a lift !

There were once 2 brothers who lived on the 80th floor of a tall building. On coming home one day, they realized to their dismay that the lifts were not working and that they have to climb the stairs home. After struggling to the 20th level, panting and tired, they decided to abandon their bags and come back for them the next day. They left their bags then and climbed on.

When they have struggled to the 40th level by this time they had gone sufficiently mad and irritated. The younger brother started to grumble and both of them began to quarrel. They continued to climb the flights of steps, quarreling all the way to the 60th floor.

They then realized that they have only 20 levels more to climb and decided to stop quarreling and continue climbing in peace. They silently climbed on and reached their home at long last. Each stood calmly before the door and waited for the other to open the door. And they realized that the key was in their bags which were left on the 20th floor.

THIS STORY IS A REFLECTION ON OUR LiFE AND TiMES .

All of us climb the tall building called LiFE. Some climb till all the 80 floors and some less. Many of us climb under the expectations of our companion.

Time to time these are our friends and parents till the 20th floor, then our spouse and our dear ones till the next level of the building. We seldom get to do the things that we really like and love and are under so much pressure and stress so that by the age of 20, we get tired and decided to dump this load. Being free of the stress and pressure, we work enthusiastically and dream ambitious wishes.

By the time we reach 40 years old, we start to lose our vision and dreams. We began to feel unsatisfied and start to complain and criticize. We live life as a misery as we are never satisfied.

Reaching 60, we realize that we have little left for complaining anymore, and we began to walk the final episode in peace and calmness. We think that there is nothing left to disappoint us, only to realize that we could not rest in peace because we have an unfulfilled dream.

A dream we abandon 60 years ago. So what's your dream? Know your dreams and follow it so that you will not live with regrets.

* ACCEPT YOURSELF
* BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
* LIKE YOURSELF

Inside each one of us are powers so strong, treasures so rich, possibilities so endless, that to command them all into action would change the history of the world.

BY P. RAJESWARI

Moving Thoughts

Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

When the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us.

The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back! Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile

There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real!

Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy.

Always put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the other person, too.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

Happiness lives for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

Please send this message to those people who mean something to you, to those who have touched your life in one way or another, to those who make you smile when you really need it, to those that make you see the brighter side of things when you are really down, to those who you want to let them know that you appreciate their friendship. And if you don't, don't worry, nothing bad will happen to you, you will just miss out on the opportunity to brighten someone's day with this message.

The Art of Education

The art of education is to
continue to grow as long as you live.

Every moment brings its lesson.
Every person is a teacher.
Grow in all direction.

Develop a desire for goodness,
an eagerness for knowledge,
a capacity for friendship,
an appreciation of beauty,
a concern for others.

Grow!
Man is never finished.
Man has never arrived.
Education never stops.

Howard Gardner - 7 Kinds of Intelligence

1. Logical-Mathematical
 Love hanging around computers or chemistry sets
 Love brain teasers, logical puzzles, games like chess
 Reason things out logically and clearly
 Wants to grow up as scientists, engineer or computer programmers

2. Musical
 Sing, hums or whistle
 Like singing songs and moving with the rhythm
 Play a musical instrument
 Remember melodies and songs

3. Bodily-Kinesthetic
 Squirm at breakfast table and first to be excused
 Graced with athletic abilities or skills of a dancer, actor or mime
 Great at mimicking your best & worst qualities
 Good fine motor skills and co-ordination
 Enjoy scary amusement rides
 Good in typing, drawing, fixing things, sewing crafts and related activities
 Communicate very effectively with gestures and other forms of body language
 Sometimes labelled as hyperactive, if there aren't appropriate outlets
 Do well in competitive sports, engage in physical activities such as swimming, biking, hiking or skateboarding

4. Linguistic
 Highly developed auditory skills, may be gifted story-tellers
 Love word games and may have good memories for verse, lyrics, name of places, dates, etc
 Think in words, like to read, write, tell jokes and stories
 Spell words accurately and easily
 Learn best by verbalising and seeing words
 May become good writers, secretaries, editors, social scientists, humanities teachers or politician

5. Spatial
 Know where things are located
 Think in images and pictures and read maps, charts and diagrams easily
 Find things that have been lost or misplaced
 Sensitive to changes in the interior of the home
 Love to do maze and jigsaw puzzles
 Spend free time drawing or simply daydreaming
 Wants to become architect, artists, mechanics, engineers or city planner

6. Inter-personal
 Understand other people
 Are frequent leaders among their peers
 Organise, communicate and at worst manipulate
 Know everybody in the neighbourhood, who like who, who is feuding with whom
 Excel in mediating conflicts btw peers and is street-smart
 Have lots of friends and socialise a great deal
 Have lot of empathy for the feelings of others
 Wants to become counsellers, business people or community organisers

7. Intra-personal
 Deep awareness of inner feelings
 May keep a diary or have on-going projects or hobbies that are semi-secretive in nature
 Certain quality of inner wisdom and intuitive ability
 Display of sense of independence or strong will
 Seems to live in their own private, inner world and have deep sense of self-confidence
 March to the beat of a different drummer and motivate themselves to do well

Extracted from book "In Their Own Way" By Thomas Armstrong PhD (1987) - Available in Ang Mo Kio Community Library

Rose with Thorns

A man planted a rose and watered it faithfully.
Before it blossomed, he examined it.
He saw a bud that would soon blossom.
He also saw the thorns, and he thought,
"How can any beautiful flower come from a plant,
burdened with so many sharp thorns?"
Saddened by this thought, he neglected to water the rose,
and before it was ready to bloom, it died.

So it is with many people.
Within every soul, there is a rose.
The "God-like" qualities planted in us at birth,
growing amidst the thorns of our faults.
Many of us look at ourselves and see only the thorns, the defects.
We despair, thinking nothing good can possibly come from us.
We neglect to water the good within us, and eventually it dies.
We never realize our potential.

Some don't see the rose within themselves.
It takes someone else to show it to them.
One of the greatest gifts a person can possess is
to be able to reach past the thorns and
find the rose within others.
This is the truest, most innocent, and gracious characteristic of love -
to know another person, including their faults,
recognize the nobility in their soul, and yet still help another to
realize they can overcome their faults.
If we show them the rose, they will conquer the thorns.
Only then will they blossom, and most likely, blooming thirty, sixty, a
hundred-fold, as it is given to them.

Our duty in this world is to help others,
by showing them their roses and not their thorns.
It is then that we achieve the love we should feel for each other.
Only then can we bloom in our own garden.

Enlightening / General Quotations

1) A victim is only a volunteer
2) Different people see the same thing differently
3) Ice that is 3 feet thick is not due to one day's cold
4) Our everyday actions reflect the state of our mind
5) If you can't say something nice, don't say anything
6) Some people go through a forest and see no firewood
7) He who is at peace with himself, is at peace with the world
8) Real leaders are ordinary people with extraordinary determination
9) If you tell the truth, you do not have to remember what you have said
10) What disturb people are not events, but their judgement of the events
11) Influence your thoughts, then actions, then habits and finally your destiny
12) You cannot control what others will do; You can control what you will do
13) A vision without a task is but a dream; A task without a vision is drudgery
14) You are what you are, where you are because of what you put in your mind
15) The virtuous cycle initiated and sustained through positive questions and thoughts
16) The viciouss cycle is initiated and sustained through negative questions and thought
17) Be thankful; If you have difficulty finding a good maid, it means you can afford one
18) It is not the strongest or the most intelligent but the most responsive to change that survive
19) You can have everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want
20) Some people watch things happen. Some people make things happen. Some people wonder what happened
21) Life is a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy; You Won't Necessarily Get What You Want ... But In the Long Run You Will Usually Get What You Expect.

Improve Your Perserverance

1) Smile, it increases your face value
2) You never fail until you stop trying
3) Tough time do not last, tough people do
4) The biggest mistake one can make is to give up
5) The journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step
6) Every great achievement was once considered as impossible
7) A diamond is just a piece of coal that did well under pressure
8) If you want rainbow, you must first learn to put up with the rain
9) It is the altitude, not the aptitude that determines the latitude achieved
10) A mistake made is not a mistake unless you have not learnt anything from it
11) The greatest mistake we make is living in constant fear that we will make one
12) In the confrontation of the stream and the rock, the stream wins not through strength but through persistence.

The Road To Resilence

American Pychological Association, http://www.helping.apa.org

What is Resilence?

Resilience is the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tradegy and even significant sources of stress, such as family or relationship problems, serious health problems, workplace or financial stress. It means bouncing back from difficult experience.

Research has shown that resilience is ordinary, not extraordinary. People ordinarily demonstrate resilience. Resilience is not a trait that people either have or do not have. It involves thoughts, actions, behaviors and habits that can be learnt and developed in anyone.

Being resilient does not mean that a person doesn't experience difficulty or distress. Emotional pain and sadness is common in people who have suffered major adversity or trauma in their lives. In fact the road to resilience is likely to involve considerable emotional distress.

Some Factors In Resilence

Several factors associated with resilience include:

The capacity to make realistic plans and take steps to carry them out
A positive view of yourself and confidence in your strengths and abilities
Skills in communication and problem-solving
The capacity to manage strong feelings
All these are factors that people can develop in themselves (if you know how to).

Ten (10) Ways To Build Resilence

1) Make Connections: Good relationship with close family members, friends or others are important. Accepting help and support from those who care about you and will listen to you strengths your resilience.

2) Avoid Seeing Crises As Insurmountable Problems: You can't change the fact that highly stressful events happen, but you can change how you interpret and respond to these events.

3) Accept that Change is Part of Living: Certain goals may no longer be attainable as a result of adverse situations. Learning to adapt our goals to changing situations help us focus on circumstances that we can alter.

4) Move Towards Your Goals: Develop realistic goals. Do something regularly. Start with some small actions that enables you to move towards your goals. Ask yourself "What is one thing I can do today to help me move in the direction I want to?". If you feel that you have reached a dead-end, be ready to move a few steps backward and then move forward again as there are many paths that leads to the destination you want to go.

5) Take Decisive Action(s): Act on adverse situations as much as you can. Take decisive actions, rather than detaching completely from problems and stresses and wishing that they would go away.

6) Look For Opportunties For Self-Discovery: People often learn something about themselves that may find that they have grown in some respect as a result of struggling with loss. Many people who have experienced tradegies and hardship have reported better relationship, greater sense of personal strength even while feeling vulnerable, increased sense of self-worth, a more developed spirituality and heightened appreciation for life.

7) Nurture a Positive View of Self: Develop confidence in your ability to solve problems by first taking small steps to help you move in the direction you want.

8) Keep Things in Perspective: Even when facing very painful events, try to consider the stressful evens in a broader perspective. If you need to compare your situation with others, always compare with someone who is in a worst-off situation.

9) Maintain a Hopeful Outlook: An optimistic outlook enables you to expect that good things will happen in your life. Try visualizing what you want, rather than worry about what you fear.

10) Take Care of Yourself: Pay attention to your own needs and feelings. Engage in at least some activities that you enjoy and find relaxing. Exercise regularly. Taking care of your mind and body will help you better deal with situations that require resilience.

There are additional ways to strengthen your resilience. For example some people write about their deepest thoughts and feelings related to the trauma or other stressful events in their life. Meditation and spiritual practices help some people build connections and restore hope. The key is to identify ways that are likely to work well for you.

Staying Flexbile

Resilience involves maintaining flexibility and balance in your life as you deal with stressful circumstances and traumatic events. This happens in several ways, including:

Letting yourself experience strong emotions and also realising that you may need to avoid experiencing them at times in order to continue functioning. The key is in the balance (sometimes the term "middle way" is used)

Stepping forward and taking actions to deal with your problems and meet the demands of daily living, and also stepping back to rest and re-energize yourself

Spending time with loved ones to gain support and encouragement and also nurturing yourself

Relying on others and also relying on yourself.

Places to Look For Help

Getting help when you need it is crucial in building your resilience. Beyond caring family members and friends, people often found it useful to turn to:

Self-Help and Support Groups
Books & Other Purblications
Online Resources (e.g. www.helping.apa.org)
Licensed mental health professional

Quotations For Stress Mgmt

1) More haste, less speed
2) To be organised helps to reduce stress
3) The best armour is to keep out of range
4) Anger is just one letter short of "Danger"
5) Do not force matters, but go with the flow
6) As we grow older, many of us forget to play
7) Life's heaviest burden is having nothing to carry
8) Better be patient on the road than a patient in the hospital
9) Living according to one's means is one way to reduce stress
10) Don't pray for rain if you are going to complain about the mud
11) Knowing your tolerance level is a big step to conquering stress
12) There is no better stress free diet than eating what you can afford
13) When a man is wrong and won't admit it, he tends to become angry
14) The inclination to live beyond our means is a common cause of stress
15) Trouble causes some people to go to pieces. Others come to their senses
16) Your conscience and not your mattress has the most to do with your sleep
17) Few cases of eye strain have developed by looking at the bright side of things
18) The fellow who is fired with enthusiasm for his work is seldom fired by his boss
19) The man who smiles in the face of trouble is either brave or has remembered to buy insurance
20) Being able to empathize with the burdens that others are carrying will help to reduce the weight of your own burdens

The Myth of Laziness

The Myth of Laziness

By Mel Levine, M.D.
Simon & Schuster, ISBN: 0-743-21367-X

The following is an excerpt from The Myth of Laziness, by Dr. Mel Levine.

Laziness is not an innate trait. We all are born with a drive to produce, and like saplings growing in an orchard, we have within us the resources to bear fruit, to be and to feel useful and effective. Most of our own success and that of our children is experienced and demonstrated through accomplishments, the attainments of our heads and our hands, the sum total of our school, family, and career contributions. From early in childhood on through our adult years, we want to show what we can do. We gain energy and feel good about ourselves whenever our personal output wins the approval, the acceptance, the respect of our friends, our families, our bosses (or teachers), and, most of all, our own self-critical selves. To feel fulfilled in life, it helps immeasurably if you can take pride in your work.

Some individuals somehow, somewhere lose momentum; in the pursuit of accomplishment they fail to produce; they stall out. And often they face accusations of laziness. In truth, through no fault of their own, they suffer from hidden handicaps that disrupt and interrupt their output. They are not lazy; they have output failure.

The power and the vulnerability of the drive to be productive are frequently neglected. I believe that adults and children alike feel that a large part of who they are comes from what they do, particularly what they have produced or are producing, and what they aspire to achieve in the future. Casualties result when individuals have output failure and come to believe that their work is worthless and perhaps never will be worthy. Our society pays an exorbitant price to restore their mental health, to punish them within our justice system, to deal with their underemployment, and to cope with the many other negative effects of their thwarted drives toward success.

WHEN WORK IS WORKING

On the positive side, there are countless diverse ways to savor recognition and personal satisfaction from high-quality output. Garnering rave reviews for your leading role in a musical comedy, scoring a hat trick in hockey, getting mostly A’s on your term papers in religious studies, raising a well-adjusted child, and successfully replacing the gasket in a car engine are among the varied instances of output success. No one can emerge productive in all fields of endeavor, any more than any single piece of high-tech apparatus can accomplish all of the chores around the house. Each of us is destined to exhibit one or more personal forms of productivity. What matters is whether the necessary mind and body assembly lines are operating the way they should. Are you doing what must get done? Are the resulting products of sufficiently high quality? Are you generating enough output or are you putting forth a feeble trickle of inadequate stuff? In other words, is your work working?

THE EASILY AND OFTEN MISUNDERSTOOD BREAKDOWNS: OUTPUT VIRUSES

Thanks to progress in the neurosciences and related fields, we have learned a great deal about brain wiring, including how, when, and where it operates. As a developmental-behavioral pediatrician specializing in learning differences, I have spent three decades concentrating on the varied and often subtle breakdowns within a developing brain that trip up basically bright children during their school years. In particular, I have studied the wide spectrum of dysfunctions, the very numerous discrete weaknesses that deprive so many students of success. Kids afflicted with these difficulties are the innocent victims of their own wiring. They have specific shortcomings in areas of the mind that control essential aspects of memory, language, attention, motor function, and other processes required for mastery of school subjects. The gaps in these areas are called neurodevelopmental dysfunctions. Some are inborn, some acquired. Some are mainly genetically caused; some stem principally from environmental conditions. But most dysfunctions are mysterious, of unknown origin. I have described the wide array of these heartbreaking limitations in my book "A Mind at a Time."

Many students wrestle with learning problems that are totally transparent. They manifest obvious trouble becoming good readers, mastering computations in mathematics, succeeding on scholastic aptitude tests, or surviving the social demands of the school day. But there is a substantial group with hidden miswiring, and they have been woefully neglected and misunderstood. These are individuals who struggle with output failure, a phenomenon that can decimate their productivity in school and cause some to fail in the workplace as adults.

At first glance, kids and grown-ups with output failure may seem entirely competent — so much so that they tantalize us with their abundant intellectual promise. But then that promise isn’t kept. Often these individuals absorb and process information well; they learn, but they don’t produce. They keep promising and intending to do things, but they seldom come through. In most instances, they can read far better than they can write, and they can interpret information but somehow can’t put what they learn to productive use. It seems as if they have working disabilities; they are unable to get their minds to work! So their intake greatly exceeds their output, and they disappoint themselves even more than they disappoint others. People say glibly that they are not "living up to their potential."

THE ORIGIN OF THE TERM ‘OUTPUT FAILURE’

In the early years of my clinical practice, I was struck by the sizable number of children referred to me who learned more effectively than they worked. I saw a particular concentration of such students cropping up during their middle school years — when there often is a dramatic upsurge in the demands for high output of high quality (particularly in the form of writing). These students had in common their inability to meet the intensified production demands. They became less and less successful as students. As I got to know them, I kept having flashbacks to my medical school days when we learned about "cardiac high-output failure." The following quotation from the sixteenth edition of Nelson’s Textbook of Pediatrics captures the common phenomenon: "The condition, high-output failure, produces the signs and symptoms of heart failure ... when the demand for cardiac output exceeds the ability of the heart to respond. Chronic severe high-output failure may ultimately result in a decrease in myocardial [i.e., heart muscle] performance."

Perhaps because of hardening of the arteries or high blood pressure, the heart is forced to work too hard. Eventually the organ weakens. The failing heart becomes dilated, its beats increasingly feeble, so it is unable to fulfill adequately its blood-pumping role, its output job. The same cycle can pertain to a mind, one that has become ineffective — when the demands upon it keep on exceeding its output capacities. When a mind is forced to strain excessively to meet production demands, academic output failure may ensue. Incidentally, we don’t call a failing heart lazy.

In 1981 I and two of my colleagues wrote an article entitled "Developmental Output Failure in School-Aged Children" for the medical journal Pediatrics. We described a group of students with various forms of output failure. Since then I have continued to study this too often neglected or misunderstood phenomenon.

OUTPUT FAILURE AS A WIDESPREAD PHENOMENON

Output failure is not a distinct syndrome, nor should it be understood as any sort of label or category. It is a result, not a cause. Low output occurs when one or more neurodevelopmental dysfunctions interfere with productivity. This is a very common phenomenon, examples of which include trouble writing a report or difficulty completing a project. Students who manifest output failure are a heterogeneous group. They have a mixed bag of neurodevelopmental dysfunctions and strengths. Some have serious problems getting organized. Others find it too hard to put their thoughts into words. There are those who can’t deploy their muscles in a coordinated, efficient manner. Still others lack the mental energy, the stamina needed for output. Some may experience problems remembering. But all of them face one or more high hurdles stubbornly obstructing their pathways to successful output. For the most part, their actual output barriers are seldom identified and dealt with. Instead, too many of these students stand unjustly accused of laziness or charged with some other form of moral turpitude. And they unfairly assume the blame for their reduced output.

Output failure is by no means confined to the first twenty-one years of life. The condition plagues numerous adults as well and very commonly leads to chronic career underachievement and gnawing discontent. We all know of individuals who seem competent and well meaning but whose productivity in the workplace is inadequate, perhaps even unacceptable. It may be the plumber who took forever and did a shoddy job fixing your bathtub drain, or the accountant who had to keep applying for extensions because he couldn’t get to your taxes, or a coworker who triggered bitter resentment because she never accomplished her fair share of the workload. It may be the person who comes up with great ideas but never carries any of them out. A traditional military adage applies here; as the commanding officer says to his platoon, "The people who rise out of the ranks are the ones who can get the job done." Like students with output failure, the countless adults who cannot seem to get the job done deserve our understanding and our compassion. They are not intentionally turning off their spigots of output. Branding them as lazy accomplishes nothing.

"The Myth of Laziness" is intended to shed much-needed light on the phenomenon of output failure. As it explores the dysfunctions that result in output failure, this book will uncover some of the principal ingredients of successful output. Because I am a pediatrician and the bulk of my clinical experience has been confined to the five- to eighteen-year-old age group, most of what I have to say will concern productivity in school. However, I will also devote attention to some adult mechanisms and manifestations of output failure. Often the identical neurodevelopmental dysfunctions that thwart output in children can lethally affect adult productivity, too. A child may fail to do homework because she lacks mental energy. An adult with low mental energy may often be late to or absent from work because she has agonizing difficulty getting out of bed in the morning. An adolescent exhibiting problems with time management in school may be the equivalent of an adult who is always late for appointments and often running behind — perhaps without even realizing it.

Over a lifetime, the course of output failure may vary. Some individuals seem condemned to lifelong frustration with productivity. The problems they endured in school return to haunt them throughout their careers. In other cases, children with output failure become successful and remarkably productive adults in their chosen niches. Still others may develop signs of output failure as adolescents or as adults despite having created their share of praiseworthy products at an earlier time of life. As the demands on them change, as people themselves change, as their environments change, their output can change — for better or for worse.

When you thought I was not looking (written by a child)

A message every adult should read, because children are watching you and doing as you do, not as you say.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator, and I immediately wanted to paint another one.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you feed a stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be kind to animals.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you make my favorite cake for me and I learned that the little things can be the special things in life.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I heard you say a prayer, and I knew there is a God I could always talk to and I learned to trust in God.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you make a meal and take it to a friend who was sick, and I learned that we all have to help take care of each other.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you give of your time and money to help people who had nothing and I learned that those who have something should give to those who don't.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you take care of our house and everyone in it and I learned we have to take care of what we are given.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw how you handled your responsibilities, even when you didn't feel good and I learned that I would have to be responsible when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw tears come from your eyes and I learned that sometimes things hurt, but it's all right to cry.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw that you cared and I wanted to be everything that I could be.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I learned most of life's lessons that I need to know to be a good and productive person when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I looked at you and wanted to say, "Thanks for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn't looking."

What children can teach us about true love and humanity

At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves learning disabled children, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended.

After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a
question. "When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is the natural order of things in my son?"

The audience was stilled by the query.

The father continued. "I believe, that when a child like Shay comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes, in the way other people treat that child."

Then he told the following story:

Shay and his father had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball.

Shay asked, "Do you think they'll let me play?"

Shay's father knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but the father also understood that if his son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging. Shay's father approached one of the boys on the field and asked if Shay could play.

The boy looked around for guidance and, getting none, he took matters into his own hands and said, "We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning."

In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three.

In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the outfield. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as his father waved to him from the stands.

In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again. Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.

At this juncture, would they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game? Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible 'cause Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.

However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least be able to make contact. The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay.

As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher. The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.

Instead, the pitcher took the ball and turned and threw the ball on a high arc to right field, far beyond the reach of the first baseman.

Everyone started yelling, "Shay, run to first! Run to first!"

Never in his life had Shay ever made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.

Everyone yelled, "Run to second, run to second!"

By the time Shay rounded first base, the right fielder had the ball. He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions and intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head. Shay ran toward second base as the runners ahead of him deliriously circled the bases toward home. Shay reached second base, the opposing shortstop ran to him, turned him in the direction of third base, and shouted, "Run to third!"

As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams were screaming, "Shay, run home!" Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the "grand slam" and won the game for his team.

"That day," said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, "the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world."

Reflections of a Parent

I gave you life....
but cannot live it for you.

I can give you directions ...
but i cannot be there to lead you.

I can teach you right from wrong ...
but i cannot always decide for you.

I can offer you advice ....
but i cannot accept it for you .

I can teach you to share ....
but i cannot make you unselfish.

I can teach you respect .....
but i cannot force you to show honour.

I can advice you about friends.....
but i cannot choose them for you .

I can tell you about alcohol and drugs...
But i cant say "NO" for you .

I can tell you about lofty goals.....
but i cant achieve them for you .

I can teach you about kindness....
but i cant force you to be gracious.

I can pray for you .....
but i cannot make you walk with God.

I can tell you how i live...
but i cant give you eternal Life.

I can Love you ......
with Unconditional Love all my Life.....and i Will

Teacher Teacher Teacher

(See http://www.makeadifferencemovie.com/)

There is a story that happened several years ago with of an
elementary teacher. Her name was Mrs. Thompson...and as she stood in front of her 5th grade class on the very first day of school, she told the children a lie.

Like most teachers, she looked at her students and said that she
loved them all the same... But that was impossible, because there in
the front row, slumped in his seat, was a little boy named Teddy
Stoddard.

Mrs. Thompson had watched Teddy the year before and noticed that he didn't play well with the other children, that his clothes were messy and that he constantly needed a bath, and Teddy could be unpleasant.

It got to the point where Mrs.Thompson would actually take delight
in marking his papers with a broad red pen, making bold X's and
then putting a big "F" at the top of his papers....

At the school where Mrs. Thompson taught, she was required to
review each child's past records and she put Teddy's off until last.
However, when she reviewed his file, she was in for a surprise:

Teddy's first grade teacher wrote,
"Teddy is a bright child with a ready laugh. He does his work
neatly and has good manners. He is a joy to be around."

His second grade teacher wrote,
"Teddy is an excellent student. Well-liked by his classmates, but he
is troubled because his mother has a terminal illness and life at
home must be a struggle."

His third grade teacher wrote,
"His mother's death had been hard on him. He tries to do his best,
but his father doesn't show much interest. And his home life will soon affect him if some steps aren't taken."

Teddy's fourth grade teacher wrote,
"Teddy is withdrawn and doesn't show much interest in school. He
doesn't have many friends and he sometimes sleeps in class."

By now, Mrs. Thompson realized the problem and she was ashamed of herself. She felt even worse when her students brought her Christmas presents, wrapped in beautiful ribbons and bright paper, except for Teddy's. His present was clumsily wrapped in the heavy, brown paper that he got from a grocery bag.

Mrs. Thompson took pains to open it in the middle of the other
presents. Some of the children started to laugh when she found a
rhinestone bracelet with some of the stones missing, and a bottle
that was one quarter full of perfume. But she stifled the children's laughter when she exclaimed how pretty the bracelet was, putting it on, and dabbing some of the perfume on her wrist.

Teddy Stoddard stayed after school that day just long enough to
say, "Mrs. Thompson, today you smelled just like my Mom used to."

After the children left she cried for at least an hour. On that very
day she quit teaching reading, and writing, and arithmetic. Instead,
she began to teach children. Mrs. Thompson paid particular attention to Teddy. As she worked with him, his mind seemed to come alive. The more she encouraged him, the faster he responded. By the end of the year, Teddy had become one of the smartest children in the class and, despite her lie that she would love all the children the same, Teddy became one of her "teacher's pets."

A year later, she found a note under her door, from Teddy, telling
her that she was still the best teacher he ever had in his whole
life. Six years went by before she got another note from Teddy. He then
wrote that he had finished high school, third in his class, and she
was still the best teacher he ever had in his whole life.

Four years after that, she got another letter, saying that while
things had been tough at times, he'd stayed in school, had stuck
with it, and would soon graduate from college with the highest of honors. He assured Mrs.Thompson that she was still the best and favorite teacher he ever had in his whole life.

Then four more years passed and yet another letter came. This time he explained that after he got his bachelor's degree, the decided to go a little further. The letter explained that she was still the best and favorite teacher he ever had. But now his name was a little longer-the letter was signed, Theodore F. Stoddard, M.D.

The story doesn't end there. You see, there was yet another letter
that spring. Teddy said he'd met this girl and was going to be
married. He explained that his father had died a couple of years
ago and he was wondering if Mrs.Thompson might agree to sit in the place at the wedding that was usually reserved for the mother of the groom. Of course Mrs.Thompson did. And guess what? She wore that bracelet, the one with several rhinestone missing. And she made sure she was wearing the perfume that Teddy remembered his mother wearing on their last Christmas together.

They hugged each other, and Dr. Stoddard whispered in Mrs.Thompson's ear, "Thank you, Mrs. Thompson, for believing in me. Thank you so much for making me feel important and showing me that I could make a difference." Mrs. Thompson, with tears in her eyes, whispered back. She said, "Teddy, you have it all wrong. You were the one who taught me that, I could make a difference. I didn't know how to teach
until I met you."

You can never tell what type of impact you will make on another's life by your actions … or lack of action. Please consider this fact in your venture through life, and just try to make a difference in someone else's life today.

WHY GOD CREATED CHILDREN

WHY GOD CREATED CHILDREN (AND IN THE PROCESS GRANDCHILDREN)

To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students...here is something to make you chuckle. Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children.

After creating Heaven and Earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing he said was "DON'T!"
"Don't what?" Adam asked
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.
"Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit!"

"No Way!"
"Yes way!"
"Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God
"Why"
"Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants.

A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked! "Didn't I Tell you not to eat the fruit?" God asked
"Uh huh," Adam replied.
"Then why did you?" said the Father
"I don't know," said Eve
"She started it!" Adam said
"Did not!"
"Did too!"
"DID NOT!"

Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY! If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!

1. You spend the first two years of their lives teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up
2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children
3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.
4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.
6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.

ADVICE FOR THE DAY: Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day.

AND FINALLY:
IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE: "TAKE TWO ASPIRINS" AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"!!!!!

The Mule That Fell Into A Deep Dry Well

A farmer had an old mule that fell into a deep dry well. As he assessed the situation, he knew it would be difficult, if not impossible, to lift the heavy mule out of the deep well. So the farmer decided to bury the mule in the well. After all, the mule was old and the well was dry, so he could solve two problems at once. He could put the old mule out of his misery and have his well filled.

The farmer asked his neighbours to help him with the shovelling. To work they went. As they threw shovel-full of dirt after shovel-full of dirt on the mule's back, the mule became frightened. Then all of a sudden an idea came to the mule. Each time they would throw a shovel-full of dirt on his back, he would shake it off and step up.

Shovel-full after shovel-full, the mule would shake it off and step up. In not too long a time, the exhausted and dirty mule stepped over the top of the well and through the crowd. That's the same approach we all need to take. We need to shake it off and step up.

Sometimes our lifes may just be just like that of the old mule, with some people around us adding to the miseries that we already have. But by being strong and persistent, the added miseries can actually make us stronger and eventually help us to resolve problems but we may not be able to originally. There is a saying "Tough times do not last; Tough people do."

The World is A Reflection of You

A dog went to a new town. When he met other dogs in the town, he growls at them and receive similar responses from the other dogs. The dog concluded that the dogs in this town were rather unfriendly.

Another dog reaches the same town. When he met other dogs in the town, he waives his tail and receive similar responses from other dogs. This dog concluded that the dogs in this town were rather friendly.

Who's Poor?

One day a father and his rich family took his young son on a trip to
the country with the firm purpose to show him how poor people can
be. They spent a day and a night in the farm of a very poor family.
When they got back from their trip the father asked his son, "How
was the trip?". "Very good, Dad!"

"Did you see how poor people can be?" the father asked.
"Yeah!" "And what did you learn?"
The son answered, "I saw that we have a dog at home, and they have four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of the garden, they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lamps in the garden, they have the stars. Our patio reaches to the front yard, they have a whole horizon.

When the little boy was finishing, his father was speechless.
His son added, "Thanks, Dad, for showing me how poor we are!" Isn't it true that it all depends on the way you look at things? If you have love, friends, family, health, good humor and a positive attitude toward life, you've got everything!

You can't buy any of these things. You can have all the material possessions you can imagine, provisions for the future, etc., but if you are poor of spirit, you have nothing.

THE INTERVIEW WITH GOD

Make The World Better

I dreamed I had an interview with God.

"So you would like to interview me?" God asked.

"If you have the time" I said.

God smiled. "My time is eternity."
"What questions do you have in mind for me?"

"What surprises you most about human kind?"

God answered...
"That they get bored with childhood, they rush to grow up, and then long to be children again."

"That they lose their health to make money... and then lose their money to restore their health."

"That by thinking anxiously about the future, they forget the present, such that they live in neither the present nor the future."

That they live as if they will never die, and die as if they had never lived."

God’s hand took mine and we were silent for a while.

And then I asked...
"As a parent, what are some of life’s lessons you want your children to learn?"

"To learn they cannot make anyone love them. All they can do is let themselves be loved."

"To learn that it is not good to compare themselves to others."

"To learn to forgive by practicing forgiveness."

"To learn that it only takes a few seconds to open profound wounds in those they love, and it can take many years to heal them."

"To learn that a rich person is not one who has the most, but is one who needs the least."

"To learn that there are persons who love them dearly, but simply have not yet learned how to express or show their feelings."

"To learn that two people can look at the same thing and see it differently."

"To learn that it is not enough that they forgive one another, but they must also forgive themselves."

"Thank you for your time," I said humbly.

"Is there anything else you would like your children to know?"

GOD smiled and said,
"Just know that I am here... always."

-author unknown

(see http://www.theinterviewwithgod.com/)

Best Regards
Swee Huat.

Slow Dance

http://betterworld2005.blogspot.com/

Hyperlink To Slow Dance

I have placed the hyperlink to the above at http://web.singnet.com.sg/~lsweehua/SlowDance.mht.

This document (with animated pictures and accompanying music) reminds us of why we should slow down, not get caught in the rat race and how we can use our time more meaningfully. This is a very meaningful document that never fail to touch me each time I come across it.

Hope you will enjoy the meaningful words (with animated picture illustrations and touching background music) in this document.

Best Regards
Swee Huat.


Have you ever watched kids.
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain.
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Do you run through each day.
On the fly?
When you ask How are you?
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done.
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores.
Running through your head?
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say,"hi"
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.

Struggle a Little - Then Fly!

Make The World Better

Author Unknown

A man found a cocoon of a butterfly, that he brought home. One day a small opening appeared he sat and watched the butterfly for several hours. It struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could and it could go no farther.

So the man decided to help the butterfly. He took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily, but, it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings. He continued to watch the butterfly, he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and the body would contract. Neither happened!

In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It was never able to fly.

The man acted with well-intentioned kindness but he didn't understand the consequences. The restricting cocoon and the struggle required to get through the tiny opening, were nature's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If we were to go through life without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as we could have been and we could never fly.

So the next time you are faced with an obstacle,a challenge, or a problem, remember the butterfly. Struggle a little - then fly!

Quotations on bringing up children

Make The World Better

Just to share some quotations on bringing up children:

1) Children need models rather than critics
2) Children need your presence, not your presents
3) What you do to a child, he/she will do to the society
4) Kids go where there is excitement. They stay where there is love
5) Children may forget what you said but they will never forget how you made them feel
6) Do not worry that your children do not listen to you; Worry that they are watching you
7) Your mind is like a parachute; It work best when it is open
8) Education is not about pouring into a pail. It is about lighting a fire
9) Give me a fish, I will eat for a day; Teach me to fish, I will eat for a life-time
10) Tell me, I will forget. Show me, I will remember. Involve me, I will understand

Best Regards
Swee Huat.

Web-site(s): http://web.singnet.com.sg/~lsweehua (work); http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ADHD_Singapore/ (personal)

Secrets to Happiness

Make The World Better

1) Be optimistic
2) Determine your purpose in life
3) Your beliefs determines your destiny
4) He who can make others happy, is happy
5) Learn from yesterday. Live for today. Hope for tomorrow
6) A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery, on a detour
7) Happiness is not having what you want, but enjoying what you have
8) Success is getting what you want; Happiness is wanting what you get
9) People whose main concern is with their own happiness seldom find it
10) Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they have
11) Happiness is not about having what you want; It is about wanting what you have
12) Until you are happy with what you are, you will never be happy with what you have