6 Proven Ways To Make Your Teens More Responsible

https://www.daniel-wong.com/2020/06/29/make-teenager-more-responsible/ - 6 Proven Ways To Make Your Teens More Responsible (1 Jul 2020)

1) Develop clear expectations collaboratively - A good way to approach expectations is to set rules and boundaries together with your teenager.

2) Teach your teen time management skills - E nsure that he or she is involved in the planning process, and that it isn’t just you trying to force her to agree on a schedule you’ve drawn up. People (adults included!) are notoriously bad at estimating how long tasks will take, so make sure there’s plenty of buffer.

3) Model consideration and empathy - Bring up the topic in a non-accusatory way, and you’ll get a better response from your teen.

4) Help your teen to develop emotional control - With regard to emotions, “You must name it to tame it.”

5) Create a family culture of accountability  - When your teen is faced with a difficult choice, you want him to ask himself, “Is this the right thing to do?”

6) Encourage your teen to pursue self-directed goals - By creating things and solving real problems (not just math and science homework problems), your teen will develop a sense of significance.

Instead of scolding and punishing him, apply the tips in this article. After all, you can’t scold or punish your teen into becoming a responsible young adult.

18 Signs Of A Great Leader According To The Bible

https://inspiringtips.com/signs-of-a-great-leader-bible/ - 18 Signs Of A Great Leader According To The Bible: (9 Jul 2020)

1. They are humble servants.

2. They do not tolerate wrongdoing.

3. They are honest and open.

4. They make rules that people will be glad to follow.

5. They protect their people.

6. They are merciful and compassionate.

7. They do not tempt people to do evil.

8. They are knowledgeable and mindful.

9. They lead in peacefulness and godliness.

10. Their words are respectful.

11. They are hardworking.

12. They have good advisers around them.

13. They are faithful leaders who work based on love.

14. They have the will to serve; they’re not greedy for money.

15. They lead by example.

16. They got skills and integrity.

17. They are prudent, not hasty.

18. Finally, they are a good role model to anyone.

It’s difficult or even near impossible to find a human leader who has all the qualities above.

Titus1:6-9 (NIVUK, NLT) Appointing Elders Who Love What Is Good  (https://www.biblegateway.com/)

6 An elder must be blameless, faithful to his wife, a man whose children are trustworthy and are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient. 

7 Since an overseer manages God’s household, he must be blameless – not overbearing, not quick-tempered, not given to drunkenness, not violent, not pursuing dishonest gain. 

8 Rather, he must be hospitable, one who loves what is good, who is self-controlled, upright, holy and disciplined. 

9 He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it. 

(Characteristics: blameless, not arrogant, live wisely, faithful, children are trustworthy & obedient, not overbearing, patient, not heavy drinker, not violent, honest, hospitable, love what is good, self-controlled, just, god-fearing upright, holy, disciplined, well versed in bible’s contents, encouraging).

Stumbling - Christian Verses

Stumbing (NIV-16) https://www.biblegateway.com/ Search (9 Jul 2020)

1. Romans 14:13-15 Weak and Strong - 13 Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling-block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister. 14 I am convinced, being fully persuaded in the Lord Jesus, that nothing [you eat] is unclean in itself. But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for that person it is unclean. 15 If your brother or sister is distressed because of what you eat, you are no longer acting in love. Do not by your eating destroy someone for whom Christ died.

2. 1 Corinthians 8:7-13 Concerning Food Offered to Idols – 7 But not everyone has this knowledge. Some people are so accustomed to idolatry that when they eat food that has been offered to an idol, their conscience becomes contaminated because it is weak. 8 However, food will not bring us closer to God. We are no worse off if we do not eat food that has been offered to an idol, and no better off if we do. 13 Therefore, if food that I eat causes my brother to stumble, I will never eat meat again, in order to keep my brother from stumbling.

Lving With And Helping Someone With Depression

https://www.sciencealert.com/here-s-how-you-can-help-a-loved-one-who-has-depression-tips-from-psychologists - Lving With And Helping Someone With Depression (14 Jul 2020):

Don't assume someone is OK just because they say they are. It's better to ask more questions and risk being annoying than to miss something important, such as symptoms of depression. When people feel depressed, they often experience repeating streams of negative thoughts.

It can be helpful to encourage someone who is thinking this way to try to look at different sides to a situation. Useful questions might be: "What advice would you give a friend in this situation?" or "What would be a more helpful way of thinking about this?"

It's helpful to let the depressed person know that you can see how they are feeling and that their feelings are understandable and valid, and will pass in time - this is validation.

Try to counteract this by helping the person to re-engage with things that are important to them. Start with small things such as putting some structure into the day and perhaps increasing exercise, or time spent in nature, if possible.

Help the person gradually re-introduce activities and social contacts that they see as valuable. Make some small plans together for the future (short, medium and long-term).

Support the person to generate simple solutions to problems and encourage them to put these solutions and ideas into action rather than avoiding things.

There are a number of other effective treatments for depression. Encourage the person you are supporting to seek extra help if needed. This might be in the form of online information and online courses for both adults and young people; through self-help books; or by contacting your local healthcare provider or mental health services in your area.

The 5 Primary Emotions Of Narcissism

*Video 130: The 5 Primary Emotions Of Narcissism (13 minutes)  - 14 Jul 2020

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixMRdqm8LMA&feature=youtu.be 

PFILA – Pride, Fear, Inferiority, Loneliness which leads to Anger. Anger is actually a secondary emotion. The 5 primary emotions of narcissism are:

1) Pride - Self-absorbed, wanting to be in control

• They are critical & impatient

2) Fear - Fear loss of control

• Cover-up mode, become defensive, justify & rationalise their actions, criticism scare them

3) Loneliness - Pride and fear results in walls being built

• Narcissists find it difficult to connect with others (disconnect)

• Narcissists are often not aware of their deep loneliness

4) Inferiority - Have guilt, shame, feeling of inadequacy

• Show up as superiority to cover up their feelings of inferiority

5) Anger - Net result of above 4 emotions

• Can result in hidden or covert passive-aggressive behaviours.

Honesty, insight, awareness & mindfulness lead to wisdom, growth & maturity. Insights are often lacking in narcissists and that is why they choose to blame others. Making the right choices: 

1) Pride Or Conscientiousness - Conscientiousness is the better alternative 

• Being conscious of the needs of the community

2) Fear Or Trust - Trust is the better alternative

• Be a trustworthy person and be willing to trust others while being aware of the possible risks

• If you can trust yourself, then you will be better able to trust others.

3) Loneliness Or Empathy / Emotional Connections - Building empathy and emotional connections is the better alternative

4) Anger Vs Calm Firmness - Calm firmness lead to good boundaries, kindness, goodness, patience.

7 Hidden Questions That Haunt The Narcissist

Video 131:  7 Hidden Questions That Haunt The Narcissist  (13 minutes)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oV2htxnc3Ro 

Narcissists have great difficulties being real, authentic or genuine. Narcissists wear hidden masks. Narcissists grow up thinking the world is not friendly. Therefore, they like to control the environment around them.

Narcissists can be demanding, and already have the scripts on what will happen written. They can be hyper-sensitive to remarks or feedbacks by others. The following are 7 questions which often haunts narcissists:

1) Do You Think I am Significant? - Narcissists have a deep and un-natural hunger for affirmations

• Narcissists can be angered or feel offended when someone has a different opinion, due to their insecurity.

• Narcissists do not know who they are? Not in touch on what they really want in life? They have a strong need for power which make them feel good at least temporarily?

• Narcissists have little sense of calmness, peace or patience.

2) Who Can I  Get To Stroke My Ego? - Who can make me feel good?

• Narcissists like to collect people who they can control.

• They hunger for preys who, or trophies which can make them feel good.

3) How Do I Compare With Everyone Else? - Life is a competition to the narcissist.

• Narcissists use evaluative thinking in comparing themselves with others. They have a strong need to be better than others. 

4) How Do I Get What I Want? - Narcissists are needy people – with unsatisfiable void? 

• They are schemers & bullies in trying to get others to do their biddings. Watch how narcissists intimidate others. 

• Narcissists try to make others feel guilty or shame. Narcissists run smear campaigns. 

• They are willing to bribe others, whatever they have to do to get what they want.

5) Why Don’t People Respect Me? Because they do not respect others!

• Their anger give them away. Their anger can be triggered very easily, even when people are merely seeking clarifications.

6) Why Do People Not Trust Me? How do people trust actions of narcissists that are not genuine and often come with hidden agendas?

• Narcissists find difficulties in trusting themselves? Lacking in self-trust?

7) What Will Happen If People Find Out Unflattering Things About Me? This scares narcissists to death.

• This is the reason why narcissists often lies or only reveal half-truths.

• Narcissists hide and cover-up many things.

• Narcissists are tormented souls with many inner turmoils. (1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.)

Narcissists bring many difficulties to the relationships they have with other people due to these haunting questions that they have within themselves.  They expect the solutions to come from others as they blame others for whatever problems they face.

Narcissists and Eye Contact

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4kGu8OKjyuw - Narcissists and Eye Contact. 

When narcissist lie or or say something bad about you, they turn their eyes from you. Despite being a bully, a narcissist is actually a coward (a fearful person) and dare not look into the eyes of a person they are hurting. Narcissists turn their eyes from you out of fear and contempt. They do not value you enough to look at you in the face at the critical moment when they say something nasty, uncomfortable or important. 

A breaking eye contact is an early sign of a narcissistic individual. A breaking eye contact may be due to anxiety. If it is due to anxiety, an anxious person will admit his / her anxiety. A narcissist will deny that it is due to anxiety, and snap back at you. It is a coward move to say something really important and break eye contact at the same time. Breaking eye-contact is also a sign of the fear of intimacy and disconnection with others.

8 Questions A Narcissist Cannot Answer

https://youtu.be/_7qsxeQrKhg - 8 Questions A Narcissist Cannot Answer:

Q1 What are your deepest hurts? Their coping mechanism or habit has been denying their hurts.

Q2 Why is it so difficult to admit your flaws and mistakes? Again, this has been of their coping mechanism or habit, to deny and blame others (self deception is also part of their coping mechanism or habit)

Q3 Why do you see the needs to impress others / strangers? They are fishing for admiration.

Q4 Why are my differences threatening you so much? They have difficulty in seeing from another perspective. They need to be at the centre of attraction.

Q5 Do you believe that only your opinion is correct? Yes narcissist believe this. Pride, arrogance and self-righteous is one of the key characteristics of narcissism. The narcissist is not interested in the opinions of others.

Q6 In what ways you need to grow and change? Self deception again comes into play. They need to grow and changes?? In their mind, you or others are the ones that need to grow and change.

Q7 If I make you feel so frustrated, why do you keep coming back? The narcissist need to pass his / her negative emotions to others before they can feel better. They want to make you responsible for the negative emotions that they have. Once their negative emotions have been passed to you, this affirm their superiority - you are the one with negative emotions, not me type of affirmation.

Q8 Why do you go silent? Silent treatment is part of their mechanism where they punishes others for what they 'deserve'.

A healthy person:

a) likes being personable,

b) likes being accountable,

c) likes to learn and grow,

d) likes to be free from pretences,

e) accept his / her own strengths and weaknesses

f) embrace and accept their mistakes and failures.

5 Types of People You Cannot Help

https://youtu.be/pV9HqAeVTsc - 5 Types of People You Cannot Help:

1) People who live in self deception - Denial & self justification make it difficult for these people to improve their behaviours.

2) Those who are mentally lazy - These individuals try to avoid deep thinking. Need to ask these people key prompting questions for them to wake up?

3) Those with rigid mindsets - They have already made their conclusion and made up their mind. Nothing you say will change their mind. They are comfortable with their beliefs even if they know their beliefs are faulty. Pride, arrogance and self righteously have already crept in and made themselves comfortable in these individuals.

4) Those who will never accept their faults - again the fault of their pride, arrogance & self I righteousness. They already form a strong habit to blame others for whatever that have happened and avoid taking responsibilities for their own actions.

5) Pessimistic Individuals - Their negative mindsets make them see most situation in a negative light. The "nocebol" effect or self fulfilling prophecy kicks in (opposite of placebo effects). They have a negative influence and impact on the people around them, especially on people who spend more time with them. They often have an unhealthy relationships or relationship difficulties with others. They often transmit their negative values to others. Pessimistic people expect the worst, but are not prepared for the worst. Optimistic people are prepared for the worst, but expect the best.

Such people requires lot of patience and do not expect them to change within 1-2 years. Be gentle and patient to these people. Only time, gentleness and patience can change such people, over at least a few years.

Effects of Poor Self Image, Poor Self Acceptance, Jealousy and Insecurity

Effects of Poor Self Image, Poor Self Acceptance, Jealousy And Insecurity

(26 May 2018)

The basic cognition problems relating to self image and/or self acceptance often leads to the feelings of insecurity and jealousy. The feeling of jealousy and insecurity leads to many semi-conscious thoughts, actions and behaviours such as following, mainly to unconsciously or semi-consciously hide own real and/or perceived weaknesses. Poor Self-Image, Poor Self-Acceptance Jealousy and insecurity have tendencies to lead to:

a) Perfectionism,

b) Having a fairly critical and negative internal voice / thoughts, often invalidates what others say

c) Project weaknesses unto others, hiding own weaknesses

d) Have controlling behaviours

• To hide own weaknesses
• Feel powerful in controlling others do, while having inability to control own behaviours

e) Being aggressive or angry (part of controlling behaviours), obsessive/compulsive behaviours due to negative cognition,

f) Smear campaigns and gossiping activities, mainly to hide own weaknesses

g) Often blaming others, taking fairly little self responsibilities for what is happening in the real world,

h) Focusing on what others can do (where you have limited control), for example through complaints and/or excuses, instead of what one can do (where one has full control),

i) Being unwilling to face and/or work on own weaknesses, must always be right and cannot be wrong

• Being unable to accept different viewpoints that others have

j) Paying much more attention to weaknesses that others have, than own weaknesses,

k) Continued weakness in self reflection / awareness of the real world, 

l) Black or white thinking

m) Double standards - standards applicable for others, but not applicable to self,

n) NATO - No Action, Talk Only,

o) Taking full credit for work done by others, for team work

p) Out of touch with what is actually happening in the real world, etc.

• An optimist may have dreams (that is different from the real world) that he / she is working towards; At least he / she is working / taking actions on what he / she wants in his / her dream
• Some people have dreams on what the world will do for them; They will have to wait for the givers in the world, who are willing to change the world for them.

Characteristics of People Who Are Resilient

My current impression is that resilient people have the following characteristics:

 

1) Optimistic outlook

2) Good problem solving skills

3) Likely to read widely, enhancing his / her problem solving skill, a lifelong learner

4) Good self-discipline, Clear goals / purpose in life, Good perseverance

5) Good awareness of own strengths and weaknesses

6) Actively prioritizing activities / goals

7) Curious mindset / diverse interests

8) Leading a balanced lifestyle, practicing moderation in most activities

9) Adaptable / flexible

10) Good interpersonal skills (e.g. good listener, able to express emotions without offending others)

11) Strive to have a good mental and physical health (preferably as the number one priority, among all other priorities)

12) Being appreciative, thankful, grateful.

13) People who are adaptable, calm, caring, considerate, curious, forgiving, friendly, generous, helpful, optimistic, patient, realistic, resourceful, respectful, responsible, secure, self-aware, tolerant, understanding and warm [alphabetic order of characteristics]

 

The more of such characteristics you have, the more resilient you will be. Anyone has any other characteristics to add?

Characteristics For Covert Narcissists and Differences Btw Covert and Overt Narcissists

Watch out for the following behaviours for people you often interact with:

Characteristics For Covert Narcissists Narcissists (covert behaviors are in italics)

Sources:

• https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/201311/6-signs-narcissism-you-may-not-know-about,
• https://blogs.psychcentral.com/relationships/2014/05/key-traits-of-narcissism/,
• https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201601/7-signs-covert-introvert-narcissist
• https://www.bustle.com/articles/102813-10-signs-youre-a-covert-narcissist-not-just-an-introvert
• https://www.instantcheckmate.com/crimewire/post/characteristics-covert-narcissist, etc.

1.     Self-righteous / Self-Absorbed / Self-Centred / Never Wrong / Never Their Fault

• Often blames others and seldom take responsibility for own mistake(s)
• Always someone’s else fault

2.     Sense of Entitlement

3.     Interpersonally Exploitative / Manipulative / Controlling

• Engage in hidden passive-aggressive, invalidation and projection behaviors for covert narcissists
• Emotionally abusive, harassing, threatening, seen to have a invisible toxic / negative personality (e.g. gossip and smear campaigns)
• Acts like a bully / tyrant

4.     Envious / Jealous

5.     Poor level of empathy / Not able to see other’s viewpoints

6.     Highly reactive to criticism / Highly Sensitive

• Often criticise others, but unable to take criticism(s), even constructive criticisms
• React to contrary viewpoints with anger or rage

7.     Low self-esteem

• Project rather than reflect

8.     Project Qualities, Traits & Behaviors Into Others

• Rather than reflect on what has actually happened in reality

9.     Exaggerate Their Achievements and Talents

10.  Like to Be in The Centre Of Attention

• Control conversation

11.  Hold Grudges 

12.  Lie / Gossip / Smear Others / False Accusation / Denial / Pathological Lying

13.  Behaves Differently With Different People (covert behaviors)

14.  Have Difficulties In Relating With Others

Distinct Characteristics Of Covert & Overt Narcissists:

Sources: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/the-difference-between-overt-and-covert-narcissistic-personality-disorder, https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-difference-between-narcissistic-abuse-by-a-covert-narcissist-and-an-overt-narcissist, etc.

Covert Narcissist	Overt Narcissist
1. Differences: Self-righteous (not obvious), shy, dangerous as behaviors are not obvious	1) Differences: Loud, rude, arrogant, demand attention, expression of grandiosity and exhibitionism, very obvious
2. Engage in hidden passive-aggressive, invalidation, projection and emotionally abusive and invisibly toxic (gossip / smear campaigns) behaviors	2) Aggressive, over-confident, ruthless, need to be admired by others, can do no wrong, also engage in visibly abusive & toxic behaviors
3. Anxious, pessimistic, unsure and un-motivated, professional victim	3) Generally more successful & capable than the covert narcissist?
4. Highly sensitive to criticisms	4) Does not bother what anyone says about him / her (only on the surface?)
5. Likely to be an introvert	5) Likely to be an extrovert
6. Behave differently with different people (covert behaviors)	6) Behaviors are more overt
7. Can convert to a overt narcissist when losing their narcissistic supply	7) Occasionally engage in covert behaviors
8. Similarities: Deep feeling of unworthiness	8) Similarities: Deep feeling of unworthiness
9. Envious, jealous, bear grudges	9) Envious, jealous, bear grudges
10. Highly exploitative, sense of entitlement	10) Highly exploitative, sense of entitlement
11. Self-indulgent and disregards for others	11) Self-indulgent and disregards for others
12. Rage when challenged, highly reactive to criticism	12) Rage when challenged, highly reactive to criticism
13. Screaming child inside	13) Screaming child inside
14. Need to dominate others, ambiguous behaviors	14) Need to dominate others, ambiguous behaviours
15. Controlling, little remorse and lack of empathy	15) Controlling, little remorse and lack of empathy
16. Like to be at the centre of attention, like to be admired, bottomless appetite for attention	16) Like to be at the centre of attention, like to be admired, bottomless appetite for attention
17. Belittling others, taking rather than giving	17) Belittling others, taking rather than giving
18. Calculated behaviors with agenda, mean	18) Calculated behaviours with agenda, mean
19. Indifferent to needs of others, toxic	19) Indifferent to needs of others, toxic
20. Low self-esteem	20) Low self-esteem, although self-confidence is being portrayed
21. Exaggerate their achievements & talents	21) Exaggerate their achievements & talents
22. Like to be centre of attention (e.g. control conversation)	22) Like to be centre of attention (e.g. control conversation)
23. Hold grudges	23) Hold grudges
24. Lie / False Accusation / Denial / Pathological Lying	24) Lie / False Accusation / Denial / Pathological Lying
25. Have difficulties Relating to Others	25) Have difficulties Relating to Others

The Four Emotions That Can Lead to Life Change

The Four Emotions That Can Lead to Life Change
by Jim Rohn (Jul 2017)

Emotions are the most powerful forces inside us. Under the power of emotions, human beings can perform the most heroic (as well as barbaric) acts. To a great degree, civilization itself can be defined as the intelligent channeling of human emotion. Emotions are fuel and the mind is the pilot, which together propel the ship of civilized progress. Which emotions cause people to act? There are four basic ones; each, or a combination of several, can trigger the most incredible activity. The day that you allow these emotions to fuel your desire is the day you'll turn your life around.

1) DISGUST
One does not usually equate the word "disgust" with positive action. And yet properly channeled, disgust can change a person's life. The person who feels disgusted has reached a point of no return. He or she is ready to throw down the gauntlet at life and say, "I've had it!" That's what I said after many humiliating experiences at age 25, I said. "I don't want to live like this anymore. I've had it with being broke. I've had it with being embarrassed, and I've had it with lying." Yes, productive feelings of disgust come when a person says, "Enough is enough." There is nothing so life-changing as gut-wrenching disgust! 

2) DECISION
Most of us need to be pushed to the wall to make decisions. And once we reach this point, we have to deal with the conflicting emotions that come with making them. We have reached a fork in the road. Now this fork can be a two-prong, three-prong, or even a four-prong fork. No wonder that decision-making can create knots in stomachs, keep us awake in the middle of the night, or make us break out in a cold sweat. Making life-changing decisions can be likened to internal civil war. Conflicting armies of emotions, each with its own arsenal of reasons, battle each other for supremacy of our minds. And our resulting decisions, whether bold or timid, well thought out or impulsive, can either set the course of action or blind it. I don't have much advice to give you about decision-making except this: Whatever you do, don't camp at the fork in the road. Decide. It's far better to make a wrong decision than to not make one at all. Each of us must confront our emotional turmoil and sort out our feelings.

3) DESIRE
How does one gain desire? I don't think I can answer this directly because there are many ways. But I do know two things about desire:
a. It comes from the inside not the outside.
b. It can be triggered by outside forces.
Therefore, while searching for your "hot button" of pure, raw desire, welcome into your life each positive experience. Don't erect a wall to protect you from experiencing life. The same wall that keeps out your disappointment also keeps out the sunlight of enriching experiences. So let life touch you. The next touch could be the one that turns your life around.

4) RESOLVE
Resolve says, "I will." These two words are among the most potent in the English language. I WILL. Benjamin Disraeli, the great British statesman, once said, "Nothing can resist a human will that will stake even its existence on the extent of its purpose." In other words, when someone resolves to "do or die," nothing can stop him. When confronted with such iron-will determination, I can see Time, Fate and Circumstance calling a hasty conference and deciding, "We might as well let him have his dream. He's said he's going to get there or die trying."

The best definition for "resolve" I've ever heard came from a schoolgirl in Foster City, California. As is my custom, I was lecturing about success to a group of bright kids at a junior high school. I asked, "Who can tell me what "resolve" means?" Several hands went up, and I did get some pretty good definitions. But the last was the best. A shy girl from the back of the room got up and said with quiet intensity, "I think resolve means promising yourself you will never give up." That's it! That's the best definition I've ever heard: PROMISE YOURSELF YOU'LL NEVER GIVE UP.